Unconfessed Love

Prologue

This world is full of stories. If we peep into anyone’s life, everyone is carrying very new raw, and distinct feelings. These stories are not mere words poured on paper but define their forward journey. The rich complexity has very artistically weaved and offers glimpses into the diverse lives and experiences of the characters who inhabit them. From the bustling streets of a city to the tranquil solitude of nature, from the warmth of cherished relationships to the depths of personal struggles, these stories traverse the spectrum of human existence. You will explore how the tread of imagination works. I am welcoming all the readers to stir your soul. xiii

1 UNCONFESSEDLOVE

Humans have evolved over the past few centuries like never before, and so has their lifestyle, which has tremendously changed our way of thinking, social relations, priority commitments, and many more complex intricacies. Among the many layers of human existence, one of the most important is human emotion, and within that, the feeling of attachment or, better yet, a sense of relatedness. The more I think about it, the weirder it becomes. Hi, I am Soha, an undergrad student who has just emerged from my messy teenage years.

One thing I have learned is that what once seemed thoughtful during all those phases now feels absolutely meaningless, and the choices I made appear more futile than constructive. Now, I find myself stuck between past bewilderment and future worries, with life’s path vaguely defined on destiny’s clock. Loneliness has been a part of my life, which turned me into an introvert. I strongly feel that we become so accustomed to this biological routine that we forget our potential and what we can do as humans. This limitation creates an existential crisis when cognitive thought is applied. Since my childhood, I was very quiet and spent most of my time in my backyard, sitting on a medium-height broken swing, just gazing at butterflies, unfurling leaves, beetle struggles, ant tracks, dew on grass, and many other of natures gifts. My strange past certainly had some repercussions on my behavior. My father left home when I was 11, and my mother remarried her childhood friend, only to meet a tragic end due to domestic violence. I ended up growing up in the countryside with my grandparents. For high school, I moved to the city and easily earned a scholarship. Since I didn’t have much to do, reading became my second favorite thing, and books filled my free time, from academic to fictional stories, all were within my range of taste. Five years passed,andIremainedanintrovert.My hostel was the size of a kitchen, with peeling plaster that made me feel like I was in the colonial era. There were even engraved graphics suggesting some high testosterone art, a different struggle from the one faced for a decent lifestyle. Of course, no one wants to be in such a situation by choice. Despite all this, I made a very special friend, Lily. SamirwaspracticingdancewithSubnaminanunattendedclassthatwasunderrenovation.Aswepeepedin, he was surprised when his eyes caught the other pair."Hey Soha, you were absent for three straight days, where were you, Your phone was also switched off," Samir asked. "Oh, nothing, my Dadu planned a small vacation," I replied. It was my favorite thing to be with him and discuss philosophy and current issues. I always felt free around him.

Samir and Subnam were dancing, and we were quite open to discussing topics that fell under the boundaries of conservatism. We frankly discussed everything, from periods to politics, desires to destiny, race to religion. Lily teased him, "Hey sexy, you only dance, and Nihal will take her." I widened my eyes at Lily and punched her on the back. I knew Samir liked me, but he never showed the courage to confess it. On the other hand, Nihal was quite flirty, funny, and exuberant. Both were nice in their own way. Generally, during exams, Nihal would sit behind me, and Samir would sit next to me. Nihal would tickle me to cheat, and I could hardly control my reactions during our final exam. Mr.SurenderSingh, our PT teacher, was the invigilator. He noticed Nihal’s antics but chose not to intervene because Nihal was not only good in athletics but also Mr.Surender’s favorite disciple. In all of this, I noticed Samir staring strangely at me and then at Nihal with a knitted brow. He submitted his exam 15 minutes earlier. When the bell rang, I came out, and he was standing at one of the arched windows in the corridor, wetting his hand in the rain. I stood beside him and asked, "How was your exam?" It was okay," he replied without looking at me."Is everything okay?"I further inquired because of his weird response."Yeah, yeah, okay," he replied and moved downstairs. Nihal tapped on my shoulder, asking, "What happened?"I shrugged and said, "Nothing."Okay, Soha, I want to say something," Nihal said. I replied, "Yeah."We have known each other for a very long time, "Nihal began. I raised my eyebrow in confusion."I mean, since the 3rd grade up to now, officially the last day of school. I liked your company very much, and we have cherished many memories together."I kept listening, not sure where this was going."Andi...I don’t know how to put it in words, but I actually like you."What? We are good friends, isn’t it?"I immediately replied, feeling completely blank about what to say next."Nihal, please don’t take me wrong. I never thought of it that way. I‘m sorry," I said as I went downstairs. Samir was sitting on the plinth stair that opened directly to the assembly ground."Samir, "I called for assistance, and he raised both his eyebrows."Hey, you’re here. What happened?""Nothing," he faked a smile. "Okay, can I sit?"He nodded, and we were both quiet, just staring at the raindrops. He broke the ice,"Why are you here? Probably Nihal would have been waiting for you."Thejealousyinhistonewasevident,butIdidn’treplyandcontinuedwithmythoughts."This weather is very romantic, isn’t it?I mean, every drop embarks on an odyssey to an unknown destination, not knowing where it will end up. Will it become water or dissolve into the dust of leaves, quench the earth’s thirst, or become a rainbow in the sparkling sunrays?"He was listening attentively, took a pause, and then replied."Butyouarenot," he said, completing the adjective."What do you know about me?"AsIwasabouttorun,hecaughtmefrombehindandturnedmetowardhim.Ilookedintohiseyes, feeling a rush of blood in my veins, warm tears, goosebumps, and, for the first time, my loose shirt felt tight. I don’t know how long we stare into each other’s eyes. A different feeling was engulfing me, making it difficult to resist my natural behavior.I whipped a rolled-up question paper at his back, and he pushed me in reflex. I did it to satisfy my ego and ran away, with him following me.I ran towards the ground, and Samir chased me. Muddysplashes, rain overhead, and two souls—this was the scene. I slipped, which made Samir burst into laughter. Before he could catch me, I got up. At night, I couldn’t sleep. Flashbacks kept running in repeat mode, and a weird feeling started to grapple with me: from the next day, as it was the last day of school.He had shared his plans to move to another city for higher studies. A couple of days later, he called me about future plans.I told him I was pursuing humanities, while he wanted to be an engineer.We exchanged a few festive wishes and texts, but eventually, we got busy with our respective lives and lost contact." So, you came here to participate?" he inquired."No, I am one of the organizers, and this is my college too," I replied."Oh, great. I am here for the tech round, which was yesterday. Today, I just came to enjoy the cultural fest," he said, and I only nodded."Can you show me your college?" he asked."Of course," I replied. He called out to a girl named Shivani, who joined us."This is Shivani, my best friend," Samir introduced her. In the midst of the crowd, a familiar face suddenly appeared. "Hey!" I exclaimed."Hi," he replied. Our college was organizing the annual fest and intercollegiate competitions in various events."What a surprise! Great to see you," he said."Me too," I replied.

We continued talking, and she wrote something on a tissue paper, I asked, "What are you writing?"Silencewashisreply, and as he finished writing, he suggested, "Let’s play a game."We agreed, and he handed me and Shivani each a tissue."Write a confession that both of you have hidden from everyone." I smiled, "You want to play a high school game?"He made a face at my reaction but then agreed. We three roamed the entire campus, reminiscing about the past and sharing stories. Shivani inquired about Samir’s schooldays in my words, and he paid little attention to the conversation while writing something on a tissue paper."Come on, high school memories can be fun, "I said and wrote, ’I love rain just because of you.‘ Shivani went next. She placed her tissue on the table, revealing a heart with 'I love you, Samir‘ written underneath. He looked at her in surprise and said, "How come you never told me? We’ve known each other for two years."But now I did," she replied confidently. Samir crumpled his tissue and threw it into the dustbin. After a moment of silence and contemplation, he finally said, "Okay... yes."I closed all the chapters of possibility in my mind and saw him off. When the fest was over, I headed to the canteen to follow up with my event management team. While making checklists and sipping cold coffee, I found myself drifting back to my school days, a small smile gracing my lips. My heart was reliving those moments."Oh, dear rain, "I muttered with a heavy sigh. Suddenly, my attention was drawn to the dustbin, and a thought pushed me to check what he had written. I went to the bin and opened two crumpled tissues before finding the third one. A single line was: The reason I breathe is you, Soha.' I sighed heavily, letting the tissue fall."Now it’s too late, someone else has come into your life, Samir," I mumbled to myself."Have a great life ahead, both of you."I picked up the tissue, crumpled it again, and threw it back into the dustbin.