Those 3 Months

It is the month of March 2020, I got my laptop from my office and work from home started. March was done and April 2020 started which I can never forget as I have suffered from mental illness I.e. depression... I cried, I was angry and I was helpless. 

I had debts from known persons and I was not able to clear that. I thought of taking a personal loan and from that money, I can clear all those debts and thought that will repay that loan in EMI's... This is where I had taken a wrong step. The fraud happened with me, as that finance company employee has taken all my money as a security deposit and he didn't respond. I know by reading this you got a thought that how can be this person so foolish, how can he give money to an unknown person.... but sometimes at some point, our brain will stop thinking about logics and facts... some situations make us feel like helpless and we lose our thinking capacity... The only thing that will run in our mind is to find a solution to our current problems and once it will be cleared then I don't need anything... it will happen with everyone. So fraud happened, as that security deposit money was the savings of my mother and she saved it so that it will be helpful in this lockdown period... But everything went wrong... I was not able to tell this thing about fraud with my parents or anyone... from Otherside known persons are forced me to repay those debts... and I was helpless no one is there to help me... I cried, I felt lonely and some suicidal thoughts happened and went into a depression... At some point, I thought I should end up my life because nothing was going right not only this. In every situation, there are only negative things happened... So somehow I told my parents that fraud happened...

My mother cried and upset and scolded and told me not to do these things.... somehow debts are cleared 80% and the remaining I am managing... Actually April and May's months are going wrong...I got depressed... my office work not going well.... and Depression affected me with the facial paralysis - Called "Bells Palsy". My left side of the face got paralyzed. Doctors said that the left side of my nerve connected to the brain has swelled. So high dose medications therapies and psychiatrist sessions, as they tried to get me out of this depression... I didn't sleep well .. I was thinking more and I thought to die but somehow I didn't do as I thought of my friend's parents, etc... I thought I couldn't end up my life like this... As I got another shock that my friends cheated on me... another reason for depression...I was very lonely... you know what my passion is to be a writer and filmmaker also a singer... I stopped everything almost because I was in depression... As I told, I couldn't end up my life like this... I started an Instagram page called @ss_writingsofficial, where I started writings short stories and used to post it... and people liked it. I am continuing this... So three months April May and June which I can never forget, its a Lockdown surprise for me... So do not overthink and don't take any wrongs steps dudes.... Take care... I am completely alright now... Bell's palsy has been cured... Stay safe.