There you are

Playlist: 

Adore You - Harry Styles

Satellite - Harry Styles

Somebody To You - The Vamps

There's Nothing Holding me Back by Shawn Mendes

Moments - One direction

Imagination - Shawn Mendes

Love Story - Taylor swift (Taylor's version)

There You Are - Zayn

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------There I found it again. Sitting innocently wedged between my locker door. If I hadn't been getting these letters/notes (whatever you may like to call them) since the start of my senior year, I would say that it was a stalker. Knowing my daily schedule, the seat in which I sit in every class, what time I wake up, and what coffee I love. No one has ever paid much attention to me, except my adopted (he is not) brother and parents. 

I honestly felt nice that at least somebody liked you from this literal version of hell hole which is school. I gently pry the letter from where it's wedged. It is the same paper, the same rusty old bookish smell and a little to no spray of a husky masculine scent which I loved and always felt familiar, and that same heart sticker which kept the letter sealed from the middle as it was folded in a mail form. I gently removed the sticker so that it was only enough for me to open the letter. Today it was a short poem. The person who sent me these letters must be a literature wizard because every piece the person writes is always magical and dreamy to me. Because it is for my eyes only, and only for my heart to sing. 

Dear sunflower,

You smile, I see the sun in your eyes

Heads turn, Yours, the beauty they can't keep,

Your hair looks holier than a gold wreath in the glow.

I seek your attention, for you to come to me

I am waiting for when I will wake up from this ephialtes,

Your heart keeping me chained to this realm,

Only you can free this pain. 

There is no lock or key to my love for you

This is a karma and dharma that I seek.

Come my beloved and set me free,

For I am yet to burn the world for you,

For I am yet to genie to you,

For I am yet to adore you,

Cause you are the only thing that keeps disabling me back.  

This poem, again brought a smile. I love the way he has gone far and away to bring a smile to my face, from the daily coffee on my desk, the daily notes, a water bottle on my doorstep after I finish my jogging and the kind of clothes I wear. Some might deem it as stalking, but this is the kind of thing I love, hidden romance. Though people (my BFF) might say that the Romeo Williams (Romeo-Juliet+William Shakesphere) who is writing the note might not be the same person who buys me all this stuff, but I know, deep in my heart, that it's true. Even though the letters are printed which some may think is a normal thing to fret about, I could have at least identified who is the person who is trying to send me these by their handwriting. 

In every poem he calls me by a different flower name, at first I was confused with all the flower names, thinking that it was just someone crushing on me and giving out free letters to every girl in school for a mental well-being campaign about appearance security (but upon further investigation done by me and my BFF, it was proven that it was only me who was getting these letters). But as my dumb brain realized (after the catalyst BFF workers it’s magic.) that the person was using the Victorian flower language to give me pet names. I wanted to coo and squeal at the same time, because whoever this person is a big softie and romantic. The sound of the warning bell which rang five minutes before the start of the class, brought me out of my daydreaming of finally meeting the person. As I opened the locker, there was the flower, a sunflower. Sitting very delicately on the unruly pile of my textbooks, this is something new. I did not expect him to know my locker code as well, he might have been very near to me while I was opening and closing my locker, maybe the owner of the locker to my left or my right. I was so close. So close, yet too far. Far enough that the distance would be double the distance of Earth from Pluto and then to the sun multiplied by a thousand. Before my musings could go further, I hopped back into reality and gathered my books carefully so that I wouldn’t disrupt the peaceful flower and dashi run back to my first class which is visual arts. My favorite class out of all the other torture techniques. 

As I stepped into my class and scurried off for my usual spot by the window, I noticed a familiar sitting in the middle of the table cheating a very paradoxical image with the way the sun casts it’s light on the cup to create a shadow on the table, and with the background behind my seat, it felt like a dream (artist work different, some might experiment on us and classify us as aliens for being so weird but being able to survive in this world full of cruelty.) A clean crips note attached to the straw said “Dear Alexandra, take care. I wish I could reveal myself if only I had the courage.” This was the only note that I received handwritten because the cashier probably wrote it at the cafe or the person who packed the coffee. After all, every day it was some new handwriting. I still cherished it. Also for some reason, I found it an only me and him kinda thing when he called me by my full name because generally I hated being called by it, I preferred Zandra for short. 

As I took my place I heard “Zandra!”I turned around to the sight of my handsome BFF Asher Milanzo, only emo, handsome(did I mention it before?) and an introverted friend whom I had since I was just ten. We have been childhood friends since then and are finally eighteen, ready to start a new chapter of our life next year. As he walked towards me with almost illegal grace, I realized he was wearing my favorite pair of clothes, black parachute pants with a white top, a black denim jacket, and a thin silver chain paired off with a silver hoop on his ears. He only wore that outfit when he wanted something from me, or when he was trying to get something out of me. Or sometimes probably both. 

It was still 5 minutes for the teacher to enter the classroom as she is always late (“Pardon my old bones, I can’t walk that fast now after I used all my life’s energy in being first to the sales in markets.” she used to say sheepishly, not that I blame her, the teachers' lounge is pretty far away from this classroom.) I still had enough time to talk to him. I shifted my gaze to him as he plopped beside me, I raised my eyebrow as he slowly turned his hypnotizing dark brown eyes towards me, obviously something was troubling him. I motioned with my hand for him to speak, he seemed to be hesitating a lot. “Trouble in paradise?” he nodded bashfully. 

His case one-four-three (as he calls it) has been going on since I don’t remember when, but I do believe that it started when we were in our fifth year. I kinda feel bad for him, he doesn't know (or he does but is just afraid to confess) whether the girl he likes him back or not so he has been all moody since then and a little closed off, but not too much that it would affect our relationship, I did not bring it up with him though not wanting to create unnecessary problems. 

“I figured out that she likes me back.” He said with his smooth baritone voice (he hit puberty hard, and I still make fun of him by comparing his voice notes of every year). “That's great, then what are you waiting for? I know she must be very lucky to have you, after all, you have been pining for her for eight years, and you deserve some credit. At Least tell me her name so that I can be Cupid and check it off my bucket list.” I tried to trick him again into telling me his crush, though he has remained like a stoned wall never giving anything away, today however he was looking at me perplexedly. “You could at least give me a hint.” that being said, he sighed puffing out his cheeks and looking like an animated cute squirrel, “You know her very well that's all I can say,” he said with a smirk and a teasing tone at the last part knowing that I would be going over the call book once I get home. He is very mischievous and has trouble on his legs, but that's what I love about him—silent trouble. Soon Mrs.Rookwood arrived and we gave up the talk and focused on learning. 

But as usual, Asher fell asleep even before Mrs.Rookwood could finish her first sentence since she entered the room. Sometimes I think he just joined the class because I was in it. Our timetables were almost the same, just the difference was that he had higher level math, while I was in standard level math, but even then those classes were conducted at the same time, so I was almost constantly around him all day. Mrs.Rookwood’s sharp voice brought me out of my musings, “Today class we are going to do portraits, now here is the twist, it has to be a mythical creature or something completely of your imagination, or you can also take someone you know and give them the features of the creatures. Sounds good? Any questions?” before anyone could raise she again pipped up “No questions.'' Just like the music video of Steal My Girl, I tried to hide my snort, but it seemed that my efforts were futile as Asher turned his head towards me, and opened his left eye from where his head supported him on the table. Looks like he was only attentive to me, it always felt like he was being protective over me, but then again it might just be in my head and I am overthinking. 

I set up my table and poured the paints, I took a glance and painted, I glanced and painted again. Like a religious cycle I made him as pale as the snow, eyes as striking as the sun rays, and his face portrayed a royal look. I checked my watch and noticed that I still had a lot of time left so I worked on the background, and that's when I had an artist's block. Not knowing what to do is the most frustrating for an artist as they know that they have the skill and the materials just no inspiration. “Since you have already painted me in a sitting position, can you paint a throne? I’d rather like that.” I glanced at him, he was already looking at me with his inquisitive eyebrow raised. Ignoring the advice I said “Shouldn’t you be doing your work as well? You at least have to pass this subject to graduate.” quite concerned with his continuous lack of interest in studies. “I have to inherit my father's company so why should I study when I already have a job which I want to do?” There was this other thing about him, he was a complete family guy, he accepted to work in his father’s company from a very young age, anybody would be lucky to have him. I focused back on my work, working with his advice, and honestly, he had a very good imagination. He was just too lazy to execute them. No wonder he has been stuck on his case one-four-three for years. 

Sooner than I wanted, the bell rang and we rushed to our next class. “So any progress?” He knew what I was talking about, I could say by the small smile on his face, “I have started giving her gifts, and I know she likes them. It’s that I fear she wouldn’t want me if she knew who I am.” I have to crane my neck to look up at him and meet his eyes. “That’s not true,” I whine, why couldn’t he understand that he was perfect the way he was, a complete dream guy to girls. “You know I think the only reason boys and girls don’t approach us is because they think we are dating.” “I know,” I replied. 

“Would you mind doing that?” his voice unnecessarily careful, 

“doing what?” I asked curious.  

“Never mind that, tell me about your lover boy. Any new notes or something?” he asked, trying to change the topic, but I ignored it and answered him, very excited to do so.   

“ Yeah, actually I received a new note today. There was a poem on it. And it sounded very good. I honestly don’t know where he gets all this time from. I love his efforts so much, I just wish that I could meet him and talk to him. Maybe we could talk and settle down a connection and see where it goes. And secondly, he is not my lover boy…Yet.” He laughed at this, feeling like those calm waves on a beach. 

“Yeah sure, he would run away the first moment he realizes how demonic you are, always hell-bent on making other people’s life harder.”

“Oh, is that so? Then how am I currently making your life-” Before I could finish my sentence somebody bumped into me and I was about to fall straight on my face. But that never came, instead, a strong pair of arms caught me. Asher turned me in his arms to face him, 

“It’s best if you don’t know. I don’t want you wallowing in guilt. Save your pretty head all this trouble and focus on studying.” He made me stand properly and gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. 

“Come on, we are getting late. We must reach the next class before Mr.Red-Bull arrives (we call him Mr. Red-Bull because even while being a biology teacher he likes to talk about things which can fly.).” He says gently. I love it when he babysits me. I felt safe and comfy. We arrived at the class and he opened the door for me and waited for me to enter. Just like a gentleman he also pulled my chair. I wish I received this kind of treatment from ‘Romeo Williams’, it would be great to pair those hard-worked poems and stories with an actual face rather than imagine someone on my own. Every time I tried to draw the mystery guy, he always somehow ended up looking like a different generation of Asher’s family. I think he is the only guy I have been seeing since I was born, so no wonder in my lack of imagination. 

The class flew by, and soon it was lunch period after which we had our last slot which was a free slot, so me and Asher decided to head home. 

In the cafeteria, I picked up a table while he bought us the food. Since he was the only one working, he was tasked with the food and I with the tables. Though it wouldn’t be so bad if I landed a job. I could at least treat him to something for all the efforts he puts towards me. He returned to the table with two separate trays since he probably knew that I was going to eat like a dying hyena because of my love for food. He set the tray on the table and passed me mine. 

It seemed like he selected my favorite things. Sandwich, burger, salad, pineapple juice, chocolates, and brownies for dessert. Yum. 

Without any further ado, I dug in, or for a better word stuffed my mouth till I couldn’t even chew…He laughed under his breath and gently wiped the corners of my lips, where the excessive amount of grease was. I shrugged my shoulders. I love food. He started eating his food as well, this is a daily routine, he watches me eat-laughs-wipes my mouth, and then eats his food. We quickly finish our food, head out to the main gate, and start our journey back home. 

Coincidentally or not, our fathers were best friends, so they bought a house beside each other. And it got to the point where they connected a bridge between two rooms on the third floor, you know the ones like in the reel which you send to your best friend about buying a joint house(it's pretty trendy these days). And somehow those rooms ended up being Asher’s and mine, what are they expecting ou

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t of it? Though it gave me advantages when I was younger, I used to run on that bridge to Asher’s room whenever I used to make my mom angry and he used to let me in his room and hide me in his closet. And when my mother used to come to his house to find where I had been, he would pretend to be sleeping and I would remain in the closet until I was informed that the path was clear. 

Busy in my musings I tripped on an imaginary rock, thankfully I caught myself unfortunately, my shoe lost its sole. “Argh!” I let out, these were my favorite pair of shoes. “Remove them.” I jumped at his voice, he did quite a good job of wanting to go unnoticed. 

“I swear Ash, why do you keep so quiet, I almost forgot that you were with me,” I said, undoing my shoes as he had said.

“You were too busy in our thoughts so I thought not to disturb you.” Saying this he took my discarded shoes in his left hand and crouched in front of me. “Get on, I am tasked with getting the princess home before the dragon master gets home, and only god knows if you were a turtle in your past life.” He huffed as I got on top of him, I wrapped my hands around him and locked my legs on his waist. It was easy as he had a sling bag. We continued our journey home while he whistled to the song Imagination by Shawn Mendes.  

Oh, there she goes again

Every morning it's the same

You walk on by my house

I wanna call out your name

I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where I'm standing

You got me thinking what we could be 'cause

I keep craving, craving, you don't know it but it's true

Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you

This is typical of love

Can't wait anymore, I won't wait

I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever

In my dreams you're with me

We'll be everything I want us to be

And from there, who knows?

Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time

Or is that just me and my imagination?

I wish he would play this on his guitar for me. We had a very opposite dynamic, while boys our age were rowdy and untameable, he was quiet and calm. While the girls were all gossiping and looking good and looking thin, I didn’t give a crap about it. Though my high metabolism would help in the long run after all… And also causing trouble everywhere I went. 

“Would you mind singing this for me on your guitar?” I asked jokingly, knowing that he never sang publicly. 

“Sure as long as you complete your homework, I will play it for you.” He said teasingly, revealing his white teeth and dimples and knowing that I never do my homework till the end of time. His eyes lit up as he turned his head to look at me. He was the only person who could make me do something which I did not like. Feeling calm at the gentle rhythm of his walking, I fell asleep. 

[...] 

I kept searching for a perfect job that I would like. I felt like I had been at it for hours (it has just been forty minutes) but I have yet to find a job that I can do easily. Finally, after a few more hours of labor, I stumbled upon a ‘looking for a worker’ sign for a library. I liked reading even though I despised homework. I quickly clicked upon the link and stumbled upon the information, it seemed like it was just a three-minute walk away from my house, and to make it better it was just beside a cafe. 

They were also giving weekly salary, so now I can surprise Asher earlier than I thought. I checked the time, It was still pretty early, three PM. And I am sure nobody was home yet. My bro, Henry would be at school (I know he only goes there to meet his friends and not study, I mean anybody would know looking at his score sheet.), while mom and dad were at the company. But before I felt that I had a very important job to do, I rummaged through my bag and rummaged through it until I found what I'M looking for. I pulled out today’s letter and the flower and trekked to the closet. I tip-toed and brought down a brown-old chest and stowed the letter and flower in it. I have been saving these letters since I started receiving them. Now the box smelled better a proper English garden. I wish I had a way to preserve them. But now enough of that, let’s focus on the task ahead.   

I picked up my purse and went to the kitchen to drink water. Asher and I left the school at one, and I had been asleep for like half an hour. I made my way out the door and into the outer world. Asher would have loved this library, I checked the images on Google and they were very aesthetic. Even though our behavior is the polar opposite, we both share a love which is reading. I started walking and kicking the little leaves of early autumn. As I was nearing the library I noticed a familiar figure clad in black with a mask and goggles making his way toward the same library but from a different direction, I noticed the tattoo on the knuckles. Daisies, they were such pretty flowers. That is Asher I thought. I always thought that Daisy might be his crush’s name, but knowing how indirect he liked to be. “Asher!” I called out but I guess he was too lost in thought to even realize that he had entered the library. Shrugging my shoulders I decided to follow him and see what he was up to, maybe I would somehow get some hint about his crush. I quietly followed him inside making sure to keep a gap between us so that he didn’t realize that I was there. I watched him go up to a computer in the most faraway corner and power up the machine. Then I saw him pull out a very familiar paper with a very familiar set of stickers. No way it couldn’t be him. I went a little closer and saw him writing a new poem, 

Sun-kissed petals gleam,

White dance in fields, your laughter rings,

My daisy-bright love.

It wasn’t an actual haiku, but it gave the essence of it. I saw him then printing out the same lines on that special paper. Then again if Asher was able to have a similar kind of paper maybe the stationary Romeo-williams and Asher bought it from must have been the same. Maybe he is trying something like Romeo Williams to woo his girl. Noice. He quickly put the fresh printout in an envelope and left just as quickly as he arrived. Maybe he has been trying to woo this girl for two to three days. That's why he must have said that his girl (not yet) liked the letters. Hmm. Maybe I should check what else he has written. I took a quick look around to make sure Asher was nowhere near, went to the same computer and opened printer history. 

[...]

In the rush back after knowing who Asher’s crush is I completely forgot about interviewing for the job. Now it doesn't matter anyway. Currently I was sitting on the dining table with the rest of my family. I was solely focused on eating. I could also feel the stares on me, I didn’t want to look up. “Are you sick, you are all tomato red.” said my mother worriedly “Do I need to call Asher to ask him what you ate? Are you having an allergic reaction?” I huffed, “No mom, no need to call Ash, and no I did not have any allergic reaction, and no I am not sick ethier.” “Did your boyfriend call you?” My oh so dear brother butted in. “Don’t speak when elders are speaking.” I snapped at him. He scowled and stuffed more mashed potatoes in his already filled mouth and some dripping out of his mouth. I winced at his table manner. My mom, being more disgusted to the point of puking (I could tell by her expression) glared at Henry which made him stop like a pause button on a movie was pressed. LOL. I wish I could have photographed this. My father was also snorting at this, hitting his thighs like a duck would flap his wings. Me and mom sighed simultaneously. Looks like we were the only sane ones in this family. We all went back to eating silently. Then out of nowhere dad pipped up, “talking about boyfriends, I would like to have Asher as my son inlaw.” I scowled at this and picked up my half finished plate and started my trek up to my room. Slowly enough to witness my brother laughing like a dying hyena and mom slapping dad’s back as he choked on his peas while trying to laugh and swallow at the same time. As I reached my room I heard the little devil shout “Asher would be a good brother inlaw, we could play video games all day.” I slammed my door shut. 

This incident brings me back to the current state of my predicament. I should have known that it would be him, otherwise how would he know my morning routine? How would he know what coffee I like. I have been so oblivious till now. My pure stupidity physically hurts, like is that even possible? But moving on to the main topic, do I like him back? I admit to having a crush on him in my tenth year but at that I already knew that he had like someone. I thought to quickly confirm my doubts. I texted him: 

Hey Ash, ya online?

Hi.

A quick question, the girl you like right now is the same girl

You liked since you 7th grade?

Yes. Why asking suddenly?

No reason……………..

Anyways had dinner yet? No, probably not.

Go have it right now and stop texting me. It’s my order.

Yes ma’am!

He would have probably stopped eating just to pay attention to me. He is just so sweet. I realized I have found my dream guy. Now thinking about the past incidents, I never got over him thinking that I had already gotten over him. Hee hee, looks like my small crush has blossomed into a full blown love. Also on the other hand I was also crying Nigara falls, we both could have gotten together so sooner. He had played his role well, now it’s my turn. I quickly stuffed the rest of the food in my mouth and in record time I rushed downstairs and put my plate in the sink and rushed up stairs like running a marathon. I could imagine my family’s face. You know like the meme one where they don’t know just what is going on but something is going on? I Homework first, I want to hear my Romeo play that song for me, and this time I know who he will be actually singing for. I quickly took screenshots (do you know how a computer gets drunk? By taking screenshots!) and sent them to Ash. I saw two blue tick marks, yay he has seen my message. Epp! I quickly took out my stationary and set my table as aesthetically as possible all with the lights and stuff. Just to tease him, I took a photo and posted on instagram #writing a confession to my knight in shining armor*insert red heart emoji*! After posting it I started drafting my letter. 

Dear, Ash. Or should I say my Romeo now– no this won’t do, I crumbled up the paper and threw it away. This process continued till I finally came up with a final draft. 

"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, 

My love as deep; the more I give to thee, 

The more I have, for both are infinite."

Keeping thee in my mind dearest,

no need to fear.

Now that I have finally found you, 

I bind you to your life.

Now that coulda been lifted,

Come show me lovely eyes. 

Wanting to keep his nickname as Romeo as a reminder to him I had also decided to add a very famous line of the book in it, then began to decorate it. At Least I hoped he liked it. I know he would understand what's written. Noticing the time on the table clock it was ten PM. I quickly got ready for bed. I followed my night routine and went to bed. As I got in my bed I heard the first strum of guitar. My man is a man of words. Dad, your daughter is going to fulfill your wish. Fighting!

Oh, there she goes again

Every morning it's the same

You walk on by my house

The coffee and water he got me everyday after my morning jog. 

I wanna call out your name

I wanna tell you how beautiful you are from where I'm standing

His letters always made me feel beautiful. I always felt like I was the sun and He was the rest of the solar system. 

You got me thinking what we could be 'cause

I keep craving, craving, you don't know it but it's true

Gosh even he teased me a lot regarding my obviousness whenever some other guy complimented me, now I know why.

Can't get my mouth to say the words they wanna say to you

This is typical of love

Of course Ash who wouldn’t be afraid to confess?

Can't wait anymore, I won't wait

I need to tell you how I feel when I see us together forever

I giggled, this line was sung with quite a lot of emphasis, looks like my insta post did get to him. 

In my dreams you're with me

We'll be everything I want us to be

And from there, who knows?

Maybe this will be the night that we kiss for the first time

Or is that just me and my imagination?

I hated myself for how long I made him wait for me. I remembered our early days, how his hair used to gleam under the sun like pure dark silk. He wove his path into my life such that I could never let go of him. His laugh, dimples, his gentlemanly nature are the pure reason for diabetes. When he is here, I am safe as if wrapped in a soft blanket but then more extra protection is added by adding a layer of bubble wrap. I can’t wait to paint our future together, closer to each other, more united than we were before, more free than a bird in a forest. By having him it would feel like everything around me seemed more than what it was. I was a blank canvas waiting for him and painted together some magic which only we knew. 

[...]

I waited till everyone was asleep, I glanced at the clock and it was exactly two thirty AM. I slowly tip-toed towards the door which connected Ash’s and my room. Quickly walking towards the other end pulling the sweater closer around me due to the harsh cold wind. I slowly opened the door which he always kept unlocked for me since I was old enough to have my own room. I often used to have nightmares and would rush to him for some comfort. I glanced around his room, still the same walls. I looked at his sleeping figure which was surrounded by plush toys gifted to him by me. We had a competition when we were eleven to see who had the most amount of plushies, I obviously had more since adding the ones from the time I was a baby. He was pretty sad about it, and as I couldn’t see him sad I gave all my plushies to him. This now seems like a cherished memory, ment only for us to look upon. I walked over to his side and gently sat down and noticed him. The moon light falling on him made him shine like an elvin prince and his hairs looked like waving water, his earring reflecting a silver glow on me. So shiny. Did I mention I love to collect shiny things? Well Asher Milanzo was next on my list. I stroked his cheek like I used to do when I was younger and he was tired yet having trouble falling asleep. Setting a gentle rhythm of to and fro with a feather light pressure, he still leaned towards my hand, some habits die hard(why am I feeling like Edward Cullen watching Bella sleep from Twilight?). It was peaceful. He was peaceful. I was content with just our family and his life. He filled every role of a friend and is fit to be a lover too. I got up and placed the letter beside his phone on the side table. Checking his phone for my messages is the first thing he does (he admitted, as I had a habit of texting very late at night knowing that he was going to be asleep). I know he would notice the letter. While waking back to my room and stared at the sky. It was cloudless, the moon and the stars shone bright, but it was his eyes that held the universe for me.