The Bright Darkness

He sat on the rooftop seeing the night sky flooded with millions of stars with a massive beautiful silver ball among them. Nature's night beauty was prepossessing. The silent darkness was filled with the light of the tiny looking but huge bodies of the universe along with the distant crying of a nightingale which was otherwise clearly heard but Daniel was so lost in his thoughts that nature's song was less than a distant hum for him. While staring at nowhere in the dark sky, his thoughts and memories were rushing in his mind with a lot of cortisol and a lack of oxytocin in his veins. He looked like a shadow, having no life of his own. He was absorbed in the ocean of memories tonight, thinking about every moment of his life.

He saw a jet crossing the sky above him. All of a sudden he remembered the day of his first flight with his father. How excited and enthusiastic he was to experience flying for the first time. When the airplane took off the ground, he was suddenly afraid of the heights. His father looked at him, gave him a warm smile, and said, "Dani, give it a thought that we are at the top of the world, going through the clouds, flying in the vast sky, but this moment will end as soon as the flight lands on that same leveled land, far away from the clouds, not flying anymore. Every moment in life will end no matter how long it takes to end. Every moment has its fears and miseries but no moment comes back again in life, so why shouldn't we just enjoy every moment whether happy, sad, or scary! So, my dear Dani, look outside the window and adore the beauty of nature. Spend this time not being afraid of what might happen, but being happy for what's happening presently. It's your first flight after all!" At that time, for Daniel, these words were just to cheer him up, and so did he felt. He was no longer afraid of the high and was busy treasuring nature's beauty all the time in his first flight experience while gasping at the wonders of nature and telling his father to look outside whenever he used to see something beautiful. He wrote everything in his little diary about the things he saw and how he felt about them. It was the best day of his life.

A new memory took over, where he was again in a flight with his father, capturing the beauty of the mountains while talking to him about life. Everything was going smoothly and happily like any other time that he had spent with his father. Suddenly the passengers in the flight felt some turbulence. Well, it was a normal incident on any flight but still, Daniel didn't felt any good at that time. He was a little worried. After a while, some more turbulence was felt which was more turbulent this time which resulted in tension among everyone. A loud noise was heard from the left-wing of the airplane, and the engine was on high flames. Eventually, people started panicking. More turbulence was felt which grew more turbulent each time. There was an announcement by the pilot informing about the left engine failure and telling the passengers to keep calm as they were doing their best. There had to be an emergency landing. Daniel held his father's hand strongly. He was unable to say or feel or understand anything. A blasting sound was again heard from the right wing of the airplane in some time proceeded by fire in the right engine also. The chaos among everyone increased and there was a situation of great panic among everyone. The air hostesses tried their best to calm everyone down, but nothing changed. People were crying, embracing their loved ones, praying for safety but still expecting goodbye. The airplane was descending at a speed that nobody could imagine moving at. Everything seemed out of control. The window panes were cracking and the glass was shattering. The luggage was falling off the overhead bins. People were getting injured. There was panic everywhere. Daniel wasn't able to understand anything. In one instant his father had embraced him tightly while in another instance he saw the fire in the wing growing and coming towards the passengers and in just another instant they were going to crash.

When he woke up, he found himself in a hospital with many more patients in critical condition. He was himself badly injured but his eyes were busy finding his father with a variety of thoughts rushing in his mind. As soon as the doctor came and examined him, Daniel asked him about his father. The doctor removed his glasses, put his hand on Daniel's head, and said calmly, "Your father is no more present among us". He was more than shocked to know this. His heart suddenly felt heavy. His eyes were unable to hold back tears. His ears were unable to hear anything that the doctor was saying. His skin was unable to feel the touch. A happy perfect moment had changed into the worst day of his life. He knew nothing. He just sobbed!

Daniel loved his father so much; he was his superhero, his role model, his motivation, his inspiration, his best friend, his everything! He is just a graduating student and it is the first time he is experiencing grieving over death, the death of a loved one. His whole life had changed just within a few hours. A happy moment, not been able to live for long, changed into the worst moment of his life within seconds! He was dead inside, unable to understand anything, unable to think anything. He was feeling worthless. He was grieving to a level nobody can imagine. Grief is just love. It's all the love he wants to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of his eyes, the lump in his throat, and in that hollow part of his chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

Daniel had so much love for his father, which doubled up with every proceeding day. At this place, losing his father in such an unexpected way shattered him. It shook his soul. He realized that we never know the value of a person, a moment, or a possession until it becomes a memory. He had thought so much about this day, but whenever he used to think about his father dying, he could do nothing but just curl up inside himself on the bed and sob until sleep took over his sadness. He did everything to prepare himself for such a day but when this day had finally arrived; no preparations could help him. Ever since he came back from the hospital, he used to stare at nothingness all night like a shadow. The loss was irreparable while the grief was irreversible.

It has been two months since this incident took place. His voice roars in his mind all the time, reciting the poem, Do not go gentle into that good night by Dylan Thomas, which was a eulogy to his father. There passes no single day when he does not think about that tragic incident. He goes to the cemetery every morning and sits beside the gravestone of his father. He is still unable to believe that his father is no more with him. It was something like he was in a garden full of blooming flowers and suddenly he found himself locked in a dark room, grieving!

Remembering his father's words in his first flight, he realized something unspoken, hidden in his words. Life will end one day and death will take over. We should enjoy every moment of our life with others and ourselves also. Life can end anytime; it's the memories that last in this world, to make us and others happy or sad. We don't know what is beyond the line of death, but we do know what is beyond the line of life. We should not be sad over one thing for long, whether the reason may be as small as losing a few hundred dollars on a Saturday night or as big as losing someone whom we love. Time heals everything, the pain has to go one day, and it's the memories that last. Life is a matter of death. Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries, it cannot separate people from love. It cannot take away the memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death. Grief never ends, but it changes with time. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith. It is the price of love, that love which has gathered up because the person whom that love belonged to, is no longer there to receive it but the bond of love lives for eternity. We should realize that death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.