Tempted by the Substitution

"Ahh...ngh… let me cover your eyes, Charles. Then you can just think of her and put it in me…ngh…Infront of you, it will be her and not me…”, James covered Charles’s eyes with his neck tie. 

     The deep silence, heavy panting, and kisses made both Charles and James intoxicated. They parted their lips for a second only to breathe in some air and again pushed their lips together for a wild kiss. 

James pressed down his hips on the rock-hard thing of the other, grinding it with slow movements. Charles winced and gasped in ecstasy developed from the pain. 

“James, s-stop...ahh..”, Charles panted. 

James clung to him with his arms around his shoulder and whispered to his ear “It’s a point of no return, Charles. Just think of her and hold me…”, tears welled up in James's eyes as many conflicting emotions and thoughts welled up in his heart. 

      Charles opened his eyes as a thin ray of sunlight fall on his face from the narrow partings of the curtain. He looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to convene all the incidents from yesterday. His head was paining like hell from all the alcohol he chucked down last night. 

       It happened that yesterday they had a drinking party with the others after the completion of the project and presentation they were working on. They mean Charles Lee, Aria Kens, David Wood from Senior Class and James Roo with Maria Jones from the Junior Class and Charles’s few other friends from the Accountancy Department. They were working on it for last four months and it ended on a good note with a lot of applauses. But the heartbreak came tying with the good moment. 

In between the celebration, Aria went out on receiving a call and came grabbing the arm of a dashing young man. Dylan Fox! The popular guitarist of the whole college and best buddy of Charles. Everyone understood the air and cheered, whistled and congratulated them…but Charles stared at them with a completely blank look, only hundreds of questions squirming in his head but unable to utter a single word. 

 It has been damned fourteen years of Charles and Aria’s long friendship and nine years that Charles has liked and loved Aria, unable to confess her about his feelings in fear of spoiling their sweet bond. 

He gave Aria all his attention, time and always accompanied her through hard and rough times. Unconsciously, Aria also got used to his attention and unconditional care. 

What’s more? Dylan being Charles’s best buddy, knew that Charles loves Aria. It hurt him more that none told him anything about it before! He felt so broken and betrayed. Everyone was shouting and laughing but he lost his hearing for some time. David poked him and said something, few others also told him something looking at him, but he heard nothing…he felt his vision getting blurry.

He stood up, tried to plaster a fake smile and said with a trembling yet chocked voice, “Woah, girl! Well…be happy. Congrats Dylan, do take care of her, she...she is my childhood friend. Now, I don’t have to worry about her much…”, he patted Dylan’s shoulder and said, “Well…enjoy. Let me have a smoke. It was a tiresome day!” 

      Charles came out and leaned on the pub’s wall lighting a cigarette and staring at the city lights, moving cars and blinking lights from the tall buildings. His vision was still blurry. He earnestly hoped his nine years feelings for Aria to evaporate in the air like the thin long cigarette smoke.

He felt someone came out the pub and stood beside him, “Life is hard. It happens sometimes that you don’t get what you ask for the most. They are called desires. *sigh* You were a coward for not telling her how you feel for her…*chuckles* I am a coward too…” 

Charles didn’t look his side. He tried to give a smirk but failed, “You…got it wrong. I am happy if my childhood friend and best friend are happy…I really am, James.” 

James scoffed, “Yeah, be happy then...” and returned to join them. 

Charles joined them shortly too. As time passed by, he drank too much to handle. Aria grabbed his glass and said angrily, “Hey! You already passed your limit. What are you so happy about? *laughs* Or are you sad that you didn’t get a girlfriend yet?” and others burst out laughing too. 

“Nah! I’m sooo happy for you…he he…I am tooo happy…. Be happy too” Charles smiled but his eyes cried.

Everyone laughed, “He’s completely wasted!” 

The party ended and everyone agonized over how to send Charles home. Aria and Dylan already planned to spend the night together, others had to go to the opposite way to that of Charles. 

James came out from the small flock and said supporting Charles’s hand over his shoulder, “I will take him home, you guys can leave.”

 They sighed with relief, “Oh, man! We will treat you later. You know his address, right?” 

James smirked, “Thanks! Yeah, I know. I had to visit him few times regarding our project.” 

“Okay, then take care”, everyone left. James called for a taxi and gave the driver his own address. 

He supported Charles’s head over his shoulder and looked outside blankly. 

On reaching home, he laid down Charles on the bed and sat beside him for few minutes. When he was going to leave, Charles grabbed his arm and mumbled, “Don’t leave, Aria…don’t…” 

James gritted his teeth and whispered to his ear, “okay, I won’t leave if you have sex with me.” 

“...I don’t want to hurry things...” 

“Then leave me”, James tried to lose his hand from Charles’s tight grip. 

“No! Okay, let’s do it Aria. I will have sex with you…” a drop of tear rolled down his check. 

James undressed both Charles and himself. Charles grabbed his waist and pulled James for a kiss. But as it was getting intense, he sobered up a little and pushed James away, “What the fuck, man! James?” James grabbed his shoulder and forced down a kiss, “Just close your eyes and think me as her…” Charles felt the tear drops dropping on his face and chest. 

Charles was so slumped in deep dejection, that he drowned himself in the offer. 

      Now, in the morning when he saw himself naked and James lying beside him, he tried to deplore everything. He got up to get ready. He wore his shirt and pant and folded the tie in his coat’s pocket. 

He was about to leave when James said, “You are leaving already? Have breakfast with me before you leave.” 

Charles felt as if his foot was cemented to the ground. He shuttered, “I’m sorry. Sorry for yesterday night. It was a mistake. Just forget about it.” 

James chuckled, “What mistake? I really liked it yesterday… After all it was me who seduced you. Why are you sorry?”

 Charles felt awful. He felt like he had already tarnished the bonding between him and Aria. How could he make James as a substitute for Aria! Tears welled up but he kept silent. 

James broke the awkward silence, “Why? Didn’t you like it yesterday? *sigh* Charles, honestly saying, I have liked you for quiet a long time, from when I first met you a year back. But couldn’t tell you anything, only followed you and tried to learn more about you. I felt so lucky when we landed together in the same group for the project. But it really hurt me when I realized that you like her. But I like you so much, Charles! If you can’t give me your heart, then at least take my body. I will be content with that only…I can be with you, even it's for few hours…” after a pause, he scoffed, “You should take responsibility for what happened yesterday too.” 

A mixed emotion of rage, hatred, sadness and dejection welled up inside Charles’s heart. He already knew there is no hope or chance with Aria and even if he confesses her now, it would make it worse and so James’s offer somewhat tempted him, it made his mind eccentric. 

He turned and came near James, squeezing his cheeks tightly. James winced with pain. Charles gritted his teeth and said, “So, you are willing to substitute for her? You say you can make me forget her? But you should know, I can’t fall for you. If you offer me your heart and body, I would have chosen none, but since you already tempted me *scoffs* I will choose your body. Let’s see what your tight butt-hole can do for me.” 

Charles opened the door but suddenly paused. Without turning his head, he said, “Act normal in college. Don’t talk to me unless it's too necessary. I don’t want people to get weird ideas…. *snickered* I will text for our play time when I feel like. Take care”, and he left with a loud bang. 

James smiled and went to the balcony, looking down and staring at Charles’s way as he left. 

     Three days passed, everything seemed normal in college. Less interaction or not at all between Charles and James, Charles avoiding James, studies, part times, Charles hanging out with Aria and Dylan sometimes, looking at their backs with a sad look as they left and James looking at Charles with pity and sadness. 

     On fourth day, Charles showed up at James door and he was quite drunk. James supported him inside the house. Charles pushed him a little and sat down on the bed. 

He ordered, “Strip.” 

James “…...What!” 

“Strip. Show me what you have that made me come to you again.”

 Tears of humiliation and rage welled up. But James gritted his teeth and started removing his clothes one by one. Charles stared at him. James stood there with his face down. 

“Come here, come closer.” 

James clenched his fist and came closer, “You are drunk, Charles...” 

Charles forced him down to sit on the floor and looked down on him, “Yes, I am. If I am not drunk, I can’t play with you” he chuckled.

 Tears rolled down on James' cheeks. 

“Why are you crying? You are making me feel like the bad boy. Who was it who offered me his ass, mmm?” 

Charles suddenly grabbed his hair and forced down a kiss on James. 

“Hmph!” James struggled to make himself free but the more he struggled the more Charles clung to him. James gave up. He also clung onto his shoulder and pushed him on the bed. 

Charles panted, “Make me learn…how to prep a guy before doing it.” 

“No need. I can do it myself. You…You just enjoy the moment. You are here for that only.” 

“As you say…”, Charles smirked. 

And the feelingless night began. 

As Charles thrust into James, kissing him, making a mess out of him, tears rolled down his cheeks.

      He asked himself, “Is there a limit to how much you can love somebody? No matter how much I hurt him and get hurt by him, I find myself far from hating him, actually hoping that those wounds will scar, like burns…. because then you can never forget me....and you will never ever be able to leave my side” he clung onto Charles more, wincing with pain and pleasure, “Loving someone so madly and helplessly like this…. I can never love anyone like this again”