Shades Of Grief..

Those Eyes.

"Ana.. goodbye!" I force the words past the hard lump in my throat.

Those beautiful blue eyes once happy and full of hope, now sad, resigned. I did that, shit!

The gleaming silver doors of the elevator silently slide shut, and I see my pale reflection staring back. I choke back something that appeared dangerously close to a sob, disguising it with a cough, her words ringing in my ears.what has she done to me? I am not used to feeling like this... dealing with these... these things.

I've never heard her like that,with such venom, and spite. I should have stopped her when she wobbled. I saw her pale and scared before we came in the playroom. I know she hoped that I didn't noticed but I did, yet I still bought her in. I sighed as I walked to my bedroom.. something is on the bed. I read:

This reminded me of happy time.

Thank you.

Ana.

I admonish myself,flopping onto our... my bed. I reach my hand under the pillow and found my T-Shirt she used as a nightshirt. Hugging it to me i bury my head in her pillow, inhaling her soft, musky, feminine scent. I feel wretched, lost and empty without her. I am confused "Oh Ana!" I sigh, screwing my eyes tightly shut. The pain in my chest is indescribable, like nothing I've ever known before. I open my eyes and looked at the curled up scrap of paper in my hand, all sweaty and damp from the grip of my fist:

This reminded me of happy time.

I hear voices loud, insistent voices everywhere, and I know they're meant for me, but I can't concentrate. I yell at everyone at work and at home. I've eaten hardly anything, and barely slept a wink in 5 days. I'm in a seemingly never ending cycle, and it's killing me slowly from the inside out. I glance at my computer screen as my calendar pops up. Jose's exhibition is tomorrow and my cheque hasn't been cashed. This means she has, in all probability no car. I emailed her that I would drop her to the gallery opening, there ain't any reply from her and these random thoughts flickering in my mind like a thunderbolt and I shudder.

My eyes snap to the screen as I hear a ping, telling me I have a mail,finally it's from her.. my Ana!

Hi Christian,

Thank you for the flowers, they are lovely.

Yes, I would appreciate a lift.

Thank you.

My mood lifts slightly, and the darkness that's been surrounding me gets a little lighter. I expected another burst of hard steel if I was honest, and I guess I'd have deserved it, but no, she accepted my offer - not much but it's a start and for the first time in five days I have something to smile about.