Secretly Addicted

“Even a mother doesn’t feed her baby until it cries”, said Aakriti, “Hello, you there?”

“Yeah, I am listening”, I replied

Long pause, once again.

“What’s your problem, Shreya? he likes you and you are crazy about him. But your ego, won’t let it show”, she was almost shouting.

“And you have some divine ability to see”, I mocked, “it’s getting late and I need to get up in the morning, unlike you lazy ass. Good night.”

This was how most of our conversations ended these days. Whether it was my shy nature or it was fear of rejection, I had never been able to confess my feelings. One benefit of not giving words to your feelings is that you experience each emotion with greatest intensity. I was literally wrapped up in his memories 24x7. If nothing else, I was addicted to him and he wasn’t completely unaware of it. But, he was confused. Every time he would show his affection, I acted dumb.

Secretly, I had envied every girl he talked to and pretended that I don’t care. I cherished every moment he spent with me and pretended I was sick of him.

...

“Shreya, there is something you must see” he pulled me outside the class.

“You are making me bunk my lecture, its better worth it” I replied.

“Someone put this typed note in my bag”

“Someone is fooling you”

“You are just jealous”

“Then why are you showing it to me. Keep it to yourself”

…

“Do you remember that typed letter in my bag” He giggled sipping his coffee.

“Did you ever find out, who wrote it” I widened my eyes

“Nope, but the lines were beautiful”

“Mmhmmm… someone remembers a note from someone he never met.” I teased

He laughed and I wondered how life would have been if he found. Would I be as addicted to his memories as I am today?