Revolutionary Freedom

Dear Diary,

It's been 2 years since we last spoke and life has taken some major twists and turns. Going back to those memories is quite painful. Whilst I was trying to look out for meaning and purpose in life the whole world is suddenly looking for survival from this deadly weapon called coronavirus.

We all have been asked to stay home to survive - total lockdown of the whole country.

I know it will sound strange but I am kind of liking it. Seems all the chaos and hustle-bustle have been brought into a standstill.

Some people are scared some are restless. Jobs lost, poor people have no clue what to do, how to get food and the middle and rich are busy stocking up.

I was just wondering what will come out on the other side of this lockdown.

While sitting and wondering in my balcony, today a strange thing happened.

In a house, next door I heard a loud scream of a man while trying to quickly trace the sound within the congested houses in my lane in Kolkata another sound along with the scream was the banging door and the powerful resistance applied to it for holding it from behind so that it doesn't open.

I traced the noise which was just at an eyesight distance from a small window of a half-constructed house.

I very muscular middle-aged lady in her hose gown trying to shove the door and hold it in place so that it doesn't open and the screaming angry man banging it like hell - " aaj tokhe chadbona, palabi khthaye".

(Will not leave u where will u run away today)

I quickly turned my face away but sticking my ears to that sound.. it continued for almost 20 min and then another lady came in consoling that devil man - "She isn't worth your love and affection, let her go" etc etc.

This was not the first time something like this was happening and I was a witness.. such things often happen. But somehow this stuck in my brain the whole day. I kept questioning myself, that lady was a stout well-built lady and she ran and locked herself in fear of getting beaten up !! What if I too make a wrong choice and end up like this?

Be it mental or physical, when fear creeps in, it makes it so difficult to breadth. What are these all people going through every day? Is it worth? Is survival without marriage so difficult that you have to compromise your peace?

I am scared and furious at the same time. I also feel helpless for these ladies and my heart goes out for them.

I have been watching roadies revolution this season and was feeling what have I done other than wasting my time in building up a career. But suddenly post this incident I was feeling like it was not a waste. I don't need to be in a situation where every day I have to wake up with the fear of physical or mental torture. I have freedom. I can eat, breadth, live freely. Belonging to a middle-class family where women weren't disrespected but letting them go out of the home to study and have a career was a very bold step to take.

Thank god my mother took that step. By the way, did you know that mum had spent so many sleepless nights when she had sent me away for higher studies !! The other day masi was telling me that mum had spent so many sleepless nights after sending me to out for higher studies as it was solely her decision convincing my dad and my mamaji.

I love you ma !!

When my mum came to know she is last stage lung cancer out of nowhere I asked her mum what do I do without you, she said very firmly that you have all the freedom but just make sure to never ever quit your job. Be financially independent always! Grow and live like nobody ever has.

So yes I too have been revolutionary, standing up all my life for myself, not accepting something that's filled with cruel compromise.

So dear Dairy while I turn the pages back, all those have always been about my struggle and suffering. And yes maybe its still all struggle and not a sweet movie but I am the owner of my life and not panic-stricken all the time.

Thank you, mum, for shaping me up to what I have become. I promise to hit it hard always and never give up on any situation.

Good night .