Reflections

Reflections

           In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever size. Or, in my case, it’s my aunt who did the advising. “The difference in who you are and who you want to be is what you do”. I meticulously shut my copy of The Great Gatsby. (El Gran Gatsby in my mother tongue).

          Before placing it on my classics bookshelf, I stare at the over-familiar cover again. A women’s face drenched in vanity, with sharp black pools as eyes glance back at me. I haven't yet read the book, only the first line. I am not planning on reading it soon. But I’d definitely spent valuable hours that could not be wasted just gawking at the cover. It is my aunt’s copy, although many years old, still in pristine condition. She gave it to me before moving away from home. I haven’t seen her in a long time. This book is all I have to remember her. Her fresh roses and peppermints, curled hair tied in lace, and her white fascinator with curled lilies. It is the only unread book on my shelf. I plan to let it be.

        In me is a spirit of defiance, of vanity but also fear. Fear of falling because of pride. My parents have always urged me to be a scientist. Blah science. I don't care about it. Not in the least. I dim the lights in my room, take out my mac and open the site I had already visited a hundred times. I skip to the scholarship to California section. Studying literature is my dream. But being closer, living with my aunt is purer in its form.

       I click on the apply button. And just like that, today I close the door to the past, open the door to the future, take a deep breath, step on through and start a new chapter in my life. Today I find a stronger, determined self in me, that will do anything to achieve my dream, my goal, and my vocation.