Ram Rajya Index

The PM glared at the members of his cabinet with reddened eyes. He had spent a sleepless night. The last thing he was shown yesterday was the latest Human Development Index (HDI) report in which Bharata had slipped two ranks. The cabinet members were shivering not only because of the Delhi cold but were extremely nervous and had come prepared wearing adult diapers.

PM growled like the Gir lion from his home state "let us begin" and looked at Minister-MAD (Minority, Adivasis and Dalits). Statistics have shown that this mad group of people which formed about 40% of the population were excluded from the development processes. The Cow belt which always voted the party to power had a large percentage of population consisting of this group and were at the bottom of the HDI within Bharata. It was said that the HDI in some parts of the cow belt was comparable to banana African states, the worst compliment one can get.

As soon as the report was released last evening the antinational opposition together with the invisible tukde-tukde gang had created a ruckus in the social media with #hdiindia, #viswagurubharat, #achchedinhascome. Not only that they had assembled at Rajghat and were on a silent protest the whole day. PM thought that Bapu must be turning in his grave.

The Minister-MAD fumbled and confessionally said "our policies although we talk of inclusiveness while on implementation have always excluded the mad group of people. It is the unsaid part of the policies that we are implementing. The HDI is true to the mark considering our policies."

The Minister who always drives home his point and nicknamed as the terminator after his famous speech regarding termites too roared like the Gir leopard "had it not been for the COVID we would have gone ahead implementing the NRC and identified the termites by now and eliminated."

"That would be only 15% of the population even if it that was possible" said the Minister for Statistics and Lies. "Anyway, with Bangladesh ahead of us in GDP the latest report reveals a reverse migration from India to Bangladesh" as he rubbed salt into the wound.

"What perturbs me" said the Finance Minister Ms Ram smirkingly "that the land of Ravana is way ahead of us in HDI. I am referring to Sri Lanka which is ranked 72 and I cannot evoke the God's Hand a second time" she added to complete her contribution. She was one member who was happy that for a change her ministry's performance was not a subject of discussion.

What about China? Asked one member. The MEA said that China was well placed at 85. Although in the 1950s India was placed higher than China. We have lost out in the development race in a matter of 70 years thank to the misrule of the dynasty.

"We cannot dismiss this report lightly as it has been accepted as a standard measure and the index is measured by an UN Agency" said the Minister for External Affairs. He was irked with the result of the HDI and knew that Bharat would be considered a laughing stock in the diplomatic circles especially in the western world. All that good job done during COVID times would be undone by this latest revelation.

The minister who has a back ground in drama and theatrics countered the HDI business has a Pakistani hand. It was developed by a Pakistani economist Mahbub Haq in 1990 with the sole intention of bringing India down. We must not accept this and lodge a protest with the UN. The MEA smirked at her.

The PM said "sadly that would not cut much ice anywhere. How am I to resume my international yatra? The beard I have grown cannot hide my shame even."

He continued "even if we blame the Mughals, that would account for 15% of the population. Don't we consider Adivasis and Dalits as Hindus as and when it suits us. We have a problem in hand. Adivasis don't consider themselves as Hindus and Dalits have embraced Buddhism after Dr Ambedkar. To which country can we send them? Can we simply terminate them using NRC?"

Terminator said "we need to reject the western construct like HDI and develop our own Ram Rajya Index (RRI). We should factor in the well being of cows, per capita consumption of 'Go' cola, no of lynching incidents against the MAD people, no of people going hungry, incidence of rape for a start. I suggest a committee to be formed consisting of the CM of the Utterly Hopeless Pradesh as the Chair, with me being the Secretary."

The erudite minister (who had not gone beyond school education) was in now in charge of Ministry of Revision of history and New Education policy averred "Lord Ram took the life of Shambukha who dared to learn ancient scriptures. Clearly it tells us that Shudras are not to be given any education. Some critiques say that the state treats them us as sub-humans. I would agree and feel not guilty about it. The Western construct as the esteemed terminator had pointed out is at variance with ethics of Ram Rajya. We must reject it out right. Shudras are meant to keep the nation clean. They are genetically suited for waste management, sewer treatment, leather processing. They do not need education and health policies for doing what they deserve."

PM said "we have accomplished the mission impossible, what the opposition could not do, we achieved in six years. We must therefore continue with even more rigour so that the 15% of the minorities emigrate to our neighbours and leave us better or worse. I would propose a population reduction policy for the MAD people in the meantime. We can pass it easily in the parliament."

He further added "in my next visit to US I would talk to our chitthi (aunt) Kamala and ask her to endorse the RRI, like wise I would do when Boris comes for the Republic day celebration. After all, where else they would find a market for their weapons and export goods."

In the next television talk at 9 PM, the PM announced the concept of the RRI and said we needed a measure based on our ancient wisdom. Mughals and the British destroyed our ancient wisdom and economy. We are on the path of recovery since 2014 and RRI would help us set the right conditions.

While the opposition booed the idea, the cows of the country were 'moo'ed by the idea.