Pretty

“Am I pretty now?” Jo asks herself looking at the mirror. She just tried her new lip gloss and let her hair down. She was unsure. Little did she know that she had always been naturally pretty.

“I don’t know. You will get the comments today,” She consoles herself. She takes her college bag. Decked in a crop top shirt, denim jacket and ripped denim shorts, she left for the breakfast table.

Every morning she met with the disapproving looks of her parents, who felt that this change was because of her friends, and they couldn’t be more right. They loved their daughter the way she was, but Jo was too adamant to admit that due to her insecurity.

“I need more time to improve myself,” She says, looking at the hand mirror.

“If you mean your Math performance, I would totally agree,” her dad remarks, slightly chuckling as he opened the newspaper.

“No dad, no one cares about Math, it’s my make up skills,” Jo replies instantly, trying to wear her Kajal.

“Math not important? Since when did you feel a subject is not important?” Her mother says scornfully with the familiar angry glare.

“Mom, let me have breakfast peacefully,” Jo rolls her eyes.

“Won’t it smudge your lip stick?” Her dad jokingly asks her.

“1. This is a lip gloss. 2. It is water and food proof,” Jo remarks sternly.

“No one cares,” her dad smashes back at her smugly.

“You know what, I will leave now. Looks like no one wants me here just like they do at school!!” Jo smashed her fist against the table, leaving her food untouched.

“Hey, no one leaves breakfast like that!” Her dad shoots back.

“No one cares!” She finishes, slamming the door.

..

Jo sets her foot inside school with a million thoughts echoing in her head. She has a look of confusion clear on her face. As she walks through the high school block, she already has lots of stares, making her stir negativity within inside her- Am I pretty enough? Am I ugly? Am I worth making friends? If she had just assured herself that it was because of envy, she never had to pressure herself. They would talk behind her back on how pretty she actually is, but she only faced the body shaming language that they bravely throw at her, to bring her down.

She would cry every night. She couldn’t make any friends no matter how friendly she tried to be. But it was only because of her fluency and flair in every verbal language that made her friends to avoid her. She was glistening at the top, but she never realised that. That’s the magic of bullying.

Jo was excellent at school, being the teachers’ favourite (except math). She surpassed the knowledge of every ordinary student in her standard. She never saw that. She wanted to have a normal student life, she wanted to gossip, talk about weird girls, and flirt with boys, but the girls never let her.

Even in team discussions, she always felt left out, as they finished discussing not considering her opinion. That was because they taught she was too smart and too good for them, but they showcased it like an act of ignorance and ‘not wanted.’

Jo always felt a void in her heart, thinking that she was ‘ugly’ and ‘fat’ and not ‘pretty’ like ‘them’. She would silently weep herself to sleep.

She thought things could change once she steeped into college. It only got worse. The graduation hat she wore felt a positive aura that it was being honoured in the presence of the smartest person it came across. But Jo never felt that.

Being the bookworm she is, she never abandoned her love for reading. Her eyes searched for new vocab in every story. She would feel a smile every time she read a book. Books were Jo’s best friends throughout her life.

College seemed no different than School. Students kept avoiding her company for the same reasons, but Jo felt the same stinging insecurity. She couldn’t handle it anymore. She tried to fight in her battle.

College battle ended successfully. It was now time for work. She bagged employee of the year thrice, earning the envy and hate of her colleagues. The company felt proud of their novice, that she gained continuous promotions the others with the experience were struggling for years. Jo failed to make a single companion. She never learnt that it is always lonely at the top.

When she came to a marriageable age, Jo thought to herself ‘If I can’t make a friend, where the hell will I find myself a life partner!’ She prepared herself for the alliance her parents fixed for her. Beautiful and graceful as she always was, she never had someone to open her eyes for her. That’s when she found her prospective groom, her fiancé. When she had refused his hand, he was the one who kept coming back for her. She was discombobulated at his act. She wondered what made her feel so special to him.

“There’s a small spark in your eyes, Jo, that lures me to you. It’s more than your beauty- it is a combined aura of smartness, intelligence beyond comparison, your inquisitivity , and the small innocence of child in your heart that keeps attracting me to you like the gravity.” 

 That small gesture made her realise who she was. She was pretty, naturally slender, smart and gorgeous. She never needed external stares to judge her who she was. . Her The One. For the first time, Jo felt proud of herself, for how far she fought.

You don’t need someone to judge you for who you are. But you need someone to make you realise who you are. Never let the world bring you to rock bottom, despite the ways they try to!