Praying At The Altar Of Fate…

Fate is a heartless creature. We regret the past, we fear for the future and amidst all, we live a miserable present. Do you believe in medical miracles? Yes, if you a believer of God, then the answer is obvious. Even if you are not, ask yourself what you will do at the utmost state of pain, at the time just before death. I think the purest feelings, purest love live in those moments. We pray at the altar of fate to make us survive those moments. Since my childhood, I am a fan of the movie, “Dil Chahta Hai”. There is a scene where Akash was taken to the Opera show by Shalini. I hope everyone who has seen the movie can relate to the scene. Yes, I am talking about moments like that, shown in that movie where the soldier was ready to take thousands of death, but he was requesting the god of death to allow him to meet his lover for one last time. Sometimes you walk away cause you feel you are not wanted, you are not sure about the worth of holding on to it. Sometimes you stop sharing because you feel they don’t want to hear. We human beings are so bad communicator, we developed so many languages, so many gadgets to ease the process, we even make machines understand our words. But, we often feel helpless when it comes to talking it out what the heart feels. We feel alien to even our past.

Recently I underwent minor surgery, it was painful, while I was taking through the corridor of pale walls of the hospital, I was apprehensive. Still, there were some moments, some faces, some voices flashed through my mind, creating a sensation in my mind. It was not fatal, but I don’t think those moments were cheating with my feelings. We all left behind so many things in the past that we often forget that some of them were very much close to our hearts. We find the tracks of the erased path we had emerged from. We had an urn of my mother’s residuals kept in an almirah. Whenever I went home I used to look at it, it was not haunting, I never feel fear while holding in my hands. And I was not crazy. We shave our head, swept away the residuals of the death in the holy river. Maybe this leads the soul to heaven, makes it free. We cope up with the sorrow. But one day after the completion of the ritual, I was visiting my home and felt incomplete. Weirdo! Yes, the unexpressed feelings, feeling lonely in the crowded world, it’s weird. The first thing we learn after birth is communication. And I can say we failed at that. And yes, we pray at the altar of fate to make things work, to die in peace, to find those faces, the voices surrounding us at the time of death. We pray to be around the people we care about. We pray to give us the power to fight for love. We pray to ascertain us to the lost tracks of those erased paths we have emerged from.