Neeraja Rao



Neeraja Rao


My Oracle

My Oracle

8 mins

The slam of the door by my neighbour hit my heart straight. Her harsh words spoiled my morning. She felt waking up with a widow’s face would spoil her whole day. How could I explain, my spoiled life and agony to her? Will this small village woman understand the pain of mine? I went back to the backyard with tears filled in my eyes and managing them not to roll out to my cheeks. My life is no bed of roses, it is full of thorns. I am born unlucky, who lost mother before I opened my eyes to this cruel world.

Leela! Leela Beta! Voice of my dad brought back into this world. Dear, please pack my lunch, it’s time for my duty. I need to reach the office by the time Raju logs out the shift. Pack dal roti more as Raju likes your hand made food a lot. At the age of retirement, my dad is working as a security guard to make our daily bread. Other than weeping I can't do anything. Neither I have the education nor the guts to go out and work. I lost everything in my life. My mother, husband and just this burdened life adding more to my distress. I got my "Hero’s (My Dad) Hero Cycle" to sparkling and tied the lunch back to his back seat. I waved hand hiding behind the door, to ensure I don't spoil any other's day. My first half of the day go busy with daily chores at home. Post lunch it is playback in the mind of my unfortunate life. Many times, the thought of committing suicide rushed me, my caring father's love stopped my step back. I urged him if I can be some help to him. His answer was "neither you are educated, nor you are smart enough to deal with this cunning world”, how can I send my young age widow daughter to work. Ya,so true, I can't do anything as I am not talented. Except cooking, cleaning and crying what is that I know? Probably, this thought of mine made me look older than my age.

Bang! Bang! on the door disturbed my afternoon nap. Raju cha-cha bought dad carrying in his hands. I was shocked, screamed top of voice in shock. What happened? "Some vehicle hit at the office while your dad was crossing road on the cycle. His head was fully covered with a bandage, he was weak, trembling and struggling to speak. Except for crying, I could not do anything. Raju cha-cha laid dad on to the bed. He gave me some solace words of not to get frightened, things will be set soon. He left home after some time suggesting me to take to Government hospital which was five miles away from my small village. I urged him to come along with me tomorrow. He promised and left. I had a sleepless night. I prayed to the billion unknown gods of Hindu mythology like a helpless child. My heart sank down and down as I saw my moaning dad in pain. The clock on the wall was doing its duty bypassing each second. The next morning raised giving me all-new challenges in my life. My eyes were looking for Raju cha-cha arrival at the door. I gave dad some bread and tea. He was not in a condition to sense what he is eating. Finally, Raju Cha-cha arrived. We started in the only one auto-rickshaw in my village.

Aslam Bhaiya the owner and driver of the auto, gave a sympathetic look at me. The five miles on the muddy road in the rainy season was a curse to us. Suddenly, a loud voice from my dad's lungs took my heart away. His body went freezing cold as I touched. I was tensed, Raju cha-cha was rubbing his palms. Aslam Bhaiya stopped the auto and checked the pulse of my dad. He said, “Kya Nasseb Diya beta Allah tum ko, kuch bee teek nahi Hai (What a life God gave you, nothing is good for you)”. It ripped my broken heart. I yelled out of pain, pleaded him to take dad's hospital. My heart was not accepting the truth, that my dad is no more. As we reached the hospital, the compounder asked us, what happened? I urged him to see my dad and started looking around for a doctor. After a few minutes, the compounder shouted, dead bodies need to be taken to mortuary not here. I shouted at him in anger, how dare to call my dad dead body. Raju cha-cha and Aslam Bhaiya took me back to the village and performed the last rites to my dad.

The lonely night in the small 2 room house was like hell to me, this bolt from the blue in my life gave me all reasons to commit suicide. In no time I reached the shores of sea beach. I walked towards the sea, a soft touch at my hand. I turned back. A handicapped girl in her adolescent age in her rolling cart, “Didi, can you please buy one balloon, I will give it to you for five rupees only, I sell generally for ten rupees but for you, it is five only. With a crying voice, I replied, "I can’t”. I have no one in this world to play or share with.

She smiled at me, you can share with me I am here to hear all of your’ s pain. So, Didi you also bought up like me in an orphanage?

Orphanage? No, I had my father whom I lost last morning. OH! I have lost my parents when I am born replied the girl. I startled with her reply. With no second thought asked her, “You are not having your legs, nor your parents" what for you are living?

Didi, I have a brain and all parts of my body except my legs, why should not I enjoy this human life? You are looking at what I don't have, I am looking at what all I have. Her words started me to think. Thereafter I had another question to her. With whom you share your happiness and sad moments. There are many people like me in my orphanage and like you out here, the world is mine to share my happiness. Almighty has given a purpose to my life, it is to spread the love and happiness with people around. It is all in our mindset to be happy or sad. Happiness is our choice. None of the external factors can disturb us if we are happy internally. Sharing and caring with our fellow human beings is the biggest joy I have. It was a straight hit to my heart. For the first time, I started thinking what is that all I have? My brain answered me, fully functional body, working brain, a sensitive and acceptable heart for humans like me around. A house with 2 rooms where I can share with others like me. I hugged the little one and cried to the fullest of my heart. She wiped my tears with her soft hands. She appeared to me as an Oracle send by God to realize my purpose in life. I took her to my home, cooked the food and served her hot. She served me back with her little hands. It was a moment of joy for me, I tasted the love in sharing and caring. She replied in her sweet voice, Didi, if you sell this food, for sure we can earn more money than my balloons. I laughed, at the same time it listed in my mind what all I can do? I took to my heels, walked raising my head with the little one to start my new business with the five hundred rupees I saved in the corner hole behind my door.

All these days I have surrounded myself with negative thoughts. The moment I won the battle inside me the world started looking positive. As said by someone "God helps them who helps themselves”, it came so true in my life the moment I started believing myself. A few days after my business set up, I came across the tent set up by a government bank to help widows like me as a part of the Government women empowerment scheme. With the encouragement from my new extended family, I extended my business and share of success. After many years I felt "I can if I think I can”. I did not stop myself there. I set one goal in my life, it was to uplift all possible people around me who were like the past "Leela”. To my surprise, I crossed such people who were educated and still thought "I can’t," and "I have nothing to start with”. Several people lost their jobs and felt they lost everything in life. In pursuit of listing what all, we don't have we forget to think what all we have. If you can't you can never do it. If you think I can, the sky is the limit.

My life turned to them as an inspiration and "My Oracle" is "Oracle" to many people. I discovered one great secret of life, "Your limitation is what you have drawn not what you are”. When we win internally, we can achieve anything externally. I decided to lead a life where I can be some one's inspiration, some one's strength and some one's purpose of life.

Within no time, we have become a group of happy souls who can make delicious food and give them "Bon Appetit". The technique of listing what I have and what I can, helped me to launch multiple small-scale businesses. Rather business I prefer to say a world of care and share where there is no space for negative thoughts and negative people. Aura of my positive energy built many strong people around me. Neither the ups and downs of my business nor the piercing comments of society disturbed me anymore.

"When we have won the battle internally, how can the external world disturb us"? It is not having much you have it all about how much you can share within what you have adds to your joy. My journey began with "I can't" and continued with "I can" giving no space to "I can't" in my life hereafter. Every night was a peaceful night waiting for the next great sunrise to share with my world of people.

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