My Journey: From Inner Chaos to a Better and Much Determined Individual

 

As far as I can recall, from childhood to now, as a full-grown adult, I have been on a journey that was riddled with self-doubt, unresolved trauma, and generally low self-esteem. This caused me to stay in a constant state of fear of what others would think of me and consistently placed myself under the pressure of saying the perfect things, being on the most excellent behavior, and generally breathe perfection so no one would be able to criticize me. 

I kept living in agony only to realize much later about the toxic cycle I caged myself in. A cage that was created by me, believed by me, and encouraged by me alone. 

The obliviousness to my obsessive patterns that harmed my inner-peace and my relations with the closest people destroyed me as a human being. 

Yes, I did manage to seek proper therapy once I grew out of my sadistic teens and started to look for better answers. Unfortunately, nothing worked. The medicines only worsened my depression and were a temporary fix. As a result of those therapy sessions, I developed anxiety and suffered from panic attacks that only led to more of my inner chaos erupting and harming the ones near me. In short, I was a complete mess of a human being. 

The therapies may work for you and others, but I was just an entirely different case altogether. My inner and outer were just too much for mainstream therapies. This is why, thanks to the internet and my endless surfing over the web, I discovered something that went by the name ‘Natural Holistic Healing.’

Now by this time, I had lost all hope, and the emotional exhaustion drained me of all efforts and little hope that I had left for a happier life ahead. But every human, no matter the perpetual misery they may be in, deep down, in some shabby corner of their hearts, want to live a life where they are happy and satisfied. If not satisfied, then at least the bare minimum, which includes feeling content and having inner-peace. 

Achieving just that seems like the most significant task that requires too much from you as a human being. But this innate desire to somehow push through and at least take one step towards the distant warm light made me seek this form of healing remains. 

All I can say, that it was indeed the best decision I made for myself. It wasn’t just a decision, but mercy on myself. Surprisingly, for an intensely cynical person like me, my trust in a higher power was restored, and I finally started to look at ‘divine timing’ with an endearing mind rather than cynicism.

My spiritual consultant truly changed my outlook on life, health, and my entire self. I finally achieved a deeper understanding of who I am, the life I curated, and everything that needs to be resolved. 

I would love to speak more in detail about how the entire experience was, receiving holistic and spiritual healing and, of course, how it broke me, forced me to confront myself, and then pick myself again but with a renewed sense of self and direction.

So stay tuned for my second entry, a continuation of this...