My Heart in your Hand

Aurelia’s phone rang. As the melodious ring tone bounced off the palace walls, she darted towards it, almost slipping in the process, to pick up her best friend’s call. She had said she would call her to talk about something very important and her grave tone had done little to ease Aurelia’s nerves.

Isabella was Aurelia’s best friend from Oxford, which they had attended along with their partners-Aurelia’s husband, Prince Andrew of Silvestershire and Isabella’s fiancé, Sebastian. Andrew and Aurelia had become king and queen. Sebastian, who was also Andrew’s best friend, was the head of royal security and Isabella worked for a Scottish secret services agency.

“Aurelia, listen to me very carefully. Make no sound and give no reaction……,” Isabella started, her voice devoid of any hint of emotion but every now and then a slight wave of worry laced her strong words, making her voice quiver.

She had received a tip off from one of her sources abroad that at the upcoming conference of the Scottish Monarchies, there was going to be a blast; a blast devastating enough to destroy the entire Parliament Palace and blow off the crest of the mound atop which it was erected centuries ago and the first Conference of Scottish Monarchies had taken place hundreds of years ago with the Treaty of Lochmond.

 She had immediately informed her seniors of the same, urging them to take action and inform all kingdoms but he dismissed it as being a hoax, reminding her of the last time her source had turned out to be fake and emphasized the importance of the upcoming conference which took place every ten years.

Isabella had gotten very worried and risking her life and job, decided to inform Aurelia because Andrew was supposed to attend the conference with his kingdom’s delegation including Sebastian.

“You and Seb are the only ones I have told. I am begging you to see reason. It might not be true but this time I can feel it in my bones. Trouble is coming our way and she’ll reach us if we don’t do something soon.”

 Isabella makes her promise that she would only hold Andrew back because if an entire delegation missed the event, it would raise suspicions and they all might get caught and land up in worse trouble.

“But what are we going to do?” Aurelia whispered trying to muffle her sobs as she continuously wiped sweat and tears away from her face.

“I have a plan but we have to hurry up,” Isabella replied in a hoarse voice.

“Got it,” Aurelia whispered, putting down the phone. She had to convince Andrew to miss the conference; a thousand plans and excuses started to bubble up in her mind. They decided that Sebastian would make a last minute exit and cook up an illness. He didn’t seem to approve at all. Always having been one to love to jump into the centre of all trouble, sitting at home hardly seemed to sit well with him but he half-heartedly agreed anyway.

Later that evening when Andrew returned to his room after filing all necessary papers for the following day and checking on Sebastian who had suddenly fallen ill, Aurelia was sitting on their bed, propped up against the beautifully upholstered headrest. She silently sat, staring into space with a tense expression wrinkling her forehead, wondering what to do. From the corner of her eye, she saw Andrew come in but didn’t move or say anything. She suddenly went strangely stiff and her mouth dried up. She had actually considered telling him the truth but she knew he would unnecessarily panic and try to keep everyone safe, landing them and especially Isabella in trouble.

Andrew noticed her distressed expression and walking closer to the bed, sat down next to her. She still didn’t bat an eyelid as if he wasn’t even there. Gently kissing her temple, he lovingly wrapped his arms around her.

“Hi” he softly whispers into her ear.

She returns back a small, fake smile which he instantly catches.

Pulling her closer to himself, he strokes her hair and softly asks her, “What is it, baby?”

“Can I ask you for something?” she asks softly, carefully putting together each word. She finally looks up at him, her eyes shining with tears of anticipation.

He smiles and nods.

“Of course Lia. Anything”

“Don’t go,” she says bluntly.

He gives her a questioning look, furrowing his eyebrows at the sudden demand.

“Don’t go,” she repeats, this time with more urgency, yearning and emotion as if her life depended on it.

“Why not love? It’s just 2 days. I promise I’ll be back before you know I’m gone,” he tried to convince her. He bit his lip as he turned down her request, feeling helpless at having to deny her something she wanted.

He gazed into her chocolate opals tinged with flecks of lemon gold, innocently looking up at him to give them what she desired. He knew he hadn’t been spending enough time with her but she it seemed very unlike her to ask him to miss such an important event. He frowned lightly with apologetic eyes, begging her to understand that he wouldn’t be able to make it that one time.

Crossing her arms, she sighed deeply and looked away from him. 

Then freeing herself from his hug, she turned and moved to sit down face to face with him. She cocked her head to one side and puckering her lips, gave him a puppy face as her eyes began to tear up.

Frowning again, he shook his head in denial. He raised his hand to wipe a tear away from her face but she caught it midway and taking it into both of her own. She kissed it and resting her forehead on it began to sob profusely.

“Just don’t”

 “Please”

 “Please”

 “Please, please, please”

 “Just please”

“Just this one time. I’ll never ask you for anything ever again. Can’t you miss one conference for me?, ” she let out in one breath as tears freely flowed down her pale face. Strand of hair spilled out of her messy ponytail as pain tinted her cheeks and eyes red.

Andrew was concerned and his own eyes were starting to get moist but he obviously didn’t know how serious the matter was.

“I’m sorry Aurelia. I can’t. I must go. You have to understand,” he told her kissing her forehead, “C’mon, let’s go to bed”

She hummed a half-hearted agreement and slipped down into the covers as did he. Andrew put an arm around her and pulled her close to himself. She lifted his arm off herself and rolled to the other side of their bed, too far for his reach and facing away from him, fell asleep.

What she did broke his heart. He’d seen her upset before and they had had small quarrels like everybody else but nothing ever escalated to the extent of complete physical and emotional separation. At the end of the day they always apologised to each other and went to bed at peace but today was different.

“Love, I……,”he started

“Night,” she said stiffly without even turning to look at him and shut the conversation.

Seeing no other option, he shut his eyes and tried to fall asleep. Perhaps he would apologise in the morning when she was in a better mood.

He managed to fall asleep for a few quick hours before he suddenly woke up.

Abruptly sitting up he glanced over to the other side of the bed and saw the one thing he dreaded- an empty bed.

He jumped out hastily and padded across the room. He saw the bathroom light on and put his ear to the closed door. He heard soft sniffling sounds coming from inside. Taking a deep breath, he turned the handle gently and it opened without a sound. He slowly walked in unnoticed by Aurelia who was sitting, fully clothed in the centre of an empty bathtub, clutching her legs close to her chest and sobbing uncontrollably with her head buried into her knees.

Andrew carefully stepped in and sitting down beside her, wrapped her in his embrace. Then propping himself against one side of the round tub, he pulled her close. Wrapping her arms around his neck she buried her face into his shoulder and cried till she fell asleep. He stayed up, holding her close and staring at her limp form with tears in his eyes.

When she woke up next morning she was lying in her bed, tucked under the layers of blankets and looked around to find Andrew sitting at the edge of the bed, all ready to leave, tying his laces.

She slipped off the duvet and crawled to the edge of the bed and put her arms around his neck. With her nose touching his ear, she whispered gently, “Please don’t go.”

He breathed deeply, apologised once more, kissed her forehead and walked out with his head bowed.

Aurelia had to resort to her last option. She walked to Andrew’s wardrobe and pulled open the safe. She pushed aside his collection of watches and withdrew her right hand, shakily clutching on to a small pistol they had agreed to keep for emergencies. She kept a straight face and breathed deeply.

Her breath stuttered.

She breathed again and staring straight ahead gulped.

 She placed the nozzle in the centre of her left palm and shutting her eyes tightly and clenching her teeth, pulled the trigger as an ear piercing scream escaped her mouth.

She fell to the ground in pain, clutching one hand in another and screaming in agonising pain as the blood drenched the Persian carpets of the palace.

As soon as Andrew heard the gunshot, he dropped his briefcase then and there and turning on his heel, rushed back upstairs at top speed. He sprinted across the corridors and stopped briefly and groaned when he saw from one of the corridor windows, the plane take off. It was a State tour with a formal delegation and the pilot had clear instructions to take off exactly at the scheduled time irrespective of the attendance.

As Andrew sprinted closer and closer to their room, the piercing shrieks got louder and tears began to pool in his eyes as he prayed with all his heart and soul that it wasn’t Aurelia. He ran into their room and the sight before his eyes made his heart stop for a second as he saw Aurelia lay writhing in pain on the ground, blood spilling from her hand. He saw the gun on the floor next to her and in a split second realised what had happened.

“No, no, no, no,” he cried, helping her up into a sitting position.

He screamed out for help in panic.

“Hold on. Just a few minutes,” he told her reassuringly. He called out to her assistant and manager Bella.

He was there. She had stopped him. She cared about nothing else. Her hand was hurting like hell but she didn’t care anymore.

“I…I…I’m s..so.. sorry,” she sobbed.

He held her close and put his forehead to hers and sighed deeply.

“Why? Why princess…why did you do this to yourself? To me?”

“I’m sorry,” she cried, “I had to save you. I can’t lose you Drew.”

“What?,” he asked confusedly

“B…blast at conference. I couldn’t let you to die, Andrew you have to understand. Please. I begged you not to go but you weren’t ready to listen. I’m s…sor..sorry but I had to do this. I was sworn to secrecy but I had to save you,” her words came out in bits and pieces but it was enough for him to understand what she was talking about.

Suddenly Andrew’s expressions changed. He got up from the ground abruptly with a mix of emotions on his face. He looked at her with a mix of disappointment, anger and disgust and his sudden change of disposition confused her.

“Baby what?.....”she started but Andrew cut her off.

“Shut up. Shut. Up. ” Andrew was fuming. She shuddered, her breath hitching in her throat.

“How could you be so selfish?” he screamed.

Her heartbeat stopped as she stared at him in disbelief. They were both crying again, Andrew of anger and Aurelia of the pain of her hand and of her heart.

He was shaking. He took a deep breath and glared at her with so much hatred in his eyes as if she were a murderer.

“Those people you left to die, work for us. For our country. Did you once turn to think what’ll happen to their families? Mr. James is the only living person to support his 80 year old handicapped mother. Samuel’s wife is expecting to give birth in 2 months. What are we going to tell them? That our queen is far too selfish to understand duties beyond herself? I can’t believe how you could’ve been so stupid and so selfish. I hate you,” he spat.

“Andrew if you’ll just listen to me once..” she raised her hand to his cheek but he shoved it off and stomped away leaving her alone. He disappeared from her vision as her eyes fluttered close and she fell unconscious to the ground.

Bella ran in and quickly bandaged her hand with the first aid kit and then carried her to the hospital wing in a wheelchair.

While she lay unconscious in the hospital wing of the palace with a surgery being performed on her hand, Andrew from one corner to another, making calls and arrangements to save the plane.

After frantically trying for over an hour, he managed to connect to the pilot.

“Hello?” he urgently whispered into the microphone.

“That would be the second time in less than 24 hours that you refused to listen to Aurelia,” a familiar voice answered back.

“What? Who?” he confusedly muttered.

“Drew it’s me, Seb” Sebastian’s voice whispered back.

“But you were on a sick leave right?” Andrew continued, still not quite understanding.

“Nope. I’m on a mission assigned to me by my queen,” he responded confidently.

After talking to Isabella, they both had improvised the plan themselves. Isabella was an agent and the only life she was supposed to look out for was her own; Andrew, Aurelia and Sebastian’s she did because she loved them and she had no other family. They had decided that the lesser the people who are aware, the better. Sebastian would take off exactly at the scheduled time and then stage an emergency landing midway. The delegation would never reach the conference and would return unharmed and unsuspected.

As Sebastian spilled all the details to Andrew, his vision grew hazier by the minute. He ran his hand through his hair which was dripping with sweat.

He threw his blazer aside and dropped into a chair in his office.

“Why was it so difficult to tell me all this beforehand?”

“I wanted to but Lia was sure you would try to cancel the delegation altogether.”

“And what would’ve been wrong with that?”

“That could’ve raised suspicions. Isa would lose her job and our kingdom and our people would make it straight to the target list of whoever is planning this. You can’t blame her for wanting to save you and our people over rest of the world. She did what she thought was right and agree with her.”

He breathed deeply, the weight suddenly disappearing from his shoulders. He was about to put down the call when Sebastian suddenly asked if Aurelia was fine. Andrew paled and immediately cutting the call, sprinted down to the hospital wing. The sun had set and the dim lights lighting up the palace led him to his destination. He peeped through the curtains around her ward. She had fallen asleep. The pained expression was plastered to her face, the same one he had ignored less than 24 hours ago. He began to sob silently, standing by her bedside. He couldn’t pluck up the courage to even touch her. He felt filthy and impure as if with his words, he had lost the right to be anywhere near his angel.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and darted out of the hospital straight to the wine cellar because everyone had stopped going there after his father had passed away and at that moment he was in no condition to show anyone his face, not even himself. When he reached, he stopped running and fell to the ground on his knees. He dropped his head into his hands and cried and cried, laying doubled up on the ground. He cried till no more tears were left to shed. He pulled out a bottle from one of the racks and falling back to the ground, resting against a wall, drained a fifth in one swift gulp.

While he was at it, the door suddenly flew open and his sister Gwen ran in.

“Thought I’d find you here. Thank God you’re ok,” she breathed hugging him tightly, “I thought you’d hurt yourself or……”

“It’s all my fault,” he muttered under his breath, staring blankly at her.

“No. No. It’s nobody’s fault. Okay?” Gwen tried to reason with him

“No. Lia tried to stop me. I should’ve listened to her. I should’ve trusted her. I if had, she wouldn’t be lying there drugged with anaesthetics to numb her pain. The pain that I caused her. Because of the injury that’s my fault, Gwen.” He cried burying his face into his sister’s hair.

‘’It’s going to be fine. We’ll sort it out okay?” she reassured her brother. After her father’s death, he was the only one she looked up to and seeing him weak and broken like this really disturbed her.

“I’ve lost her G. I know she’ll live but she won’t love me anymore. She’ll never trust me again. She’ll never look at me like I mean the world to her. She should’ve just let me die. At least it wouldn’t have hurt this bad, ” he said helplessly clutching his chest, feeling the pain of his heart spread to every cell in his body.

“Go when she’s sleeping. Sit there and wait for her to wake up. Then apologise to her. She loves you. She’ll understand and forgive you. But you have to hurry up. The more time that passes, the deeper everyone’s scars will get. Okay?” she explained lovingly.

Andrew weakly nodded and returned to his room. Huddling up in Lia’s duvet and inhaling the sweet scent of roses and strawberries that had been intoxicating him for the past seven years, he fell into a restless slumber.

The following morning, he hurriedly showered and rushed to the hospital.

He stopped in his tracks at the entrance when he heard Lia’s voice and breathed out in relief. She was talking to Isabella who had come to check up on her. Sitting propped up against the pillows, Aurelia was crying. It was a sound he had come to hate over the years and his heart clenched in his chest hearing it again.

“He’s changed Isa, he really has. You remember that first time back in college when I accidently hurt myself on that rose bush? It was one scratch, one scratch that Andrew washed at least 50 times before bandaging. He wouldn’t let me pickup anything on my own and kiss it at least a 1000 times a day. And now…….” She continued trying to hold back the tears,

“You heard what the doctor said. I could’ve lost my hand. The Andrew I fell in love with would have sit by my side every second of every day even if outside the entire world was burning to ashes. He hasn’t bothered to visit even once. I bet he doesn’t care. He doesn’t love me anymore Isa. And maybe he’s right. I am stupid and pathetic and selfish and useless and I don’t deserve to be loved, not by him and not by anyone else.

I should’ve chosen a better place for the gun. Would’ve saved everyone the trouble,”

She muttered through her tears, mumbling the last part to herself.

 She then dozed off.

Andrew was standing right outside the ward listening to her. Her words pierced his heart like a dagger and as the truth of his mistake struck him, he crumpled down to the floor in tears, too lost for words or thoughts. He returned to his office and locked himself up. After a brief call from Sebastian, assuring him of the successful breach on the journey, he sat down and rested his head on the table.

Within a few hours, the news of the blast was all over the news. Andrew was still holed up in his office and this was doing nothing to make Lia feel better. Andrew’s mother had visited her in an equally distraught state and thanked her over and over again for saving him. She had also baked her her favourite dessert and fed Lia with her own hands.

Lia fell asleep for rest of the afternoon. She was alone and Andrew took this opportunity to slip in unnoticed. He sat on a stool by her bed and took her right hand into both of his own. He kissed it and gently put it back down. He put his head down onto the mattress and began to sob. he didn't realise when he had dozed off.

Meanwhile, Lia had now woken up. She sat up straight without making a sound and stared at him sleeping peacefully. he was occasionally talking in his sleep saying things like "I love you Lia" and "I'm sorry princess" and "I can't lose you my love".

She smiled to herself and he continued rambling but then he suddenly said something that made her heart skip a beat.

"Please don't leave me. I'll die without you. Please. Please....." and he began to cry in his sleep.

"SHHSshshh," she whispered gently, running her fingers through his hair.

 He suddenly sat up at the contact and stared at her in disbelief as if she were a ghost.

"Lia....I...I.....I" he stammered

"Love me. I know," she said smiling at the love of her life.

"I was so scared," he cried burying his face into her shoulder"

"I'll always be here. I promise. I love you" she told him.

"Your father will kill me if I ask him for your hand ever again," he joked and they laughed through their tears. Just the other's presence seemed to light up the world enough for them to see that they couldn't make it to the end alone.

He laid down and pulled her into his arms. He carefully kissed her bandaged left hand and rested it on his chest over his heart. They looked at each other and smiled and fell asleep at peace with the world and their hearts and each other.