Moving On From Our Past

Moving On From Our Past 

So in honor of Domestic violence month I wanted to post this. On the 20th of last month, it would have been 29 years since I would have been married. Now I don't normally think of things like this but lovely Facebook decided it was necessary to inform me on my remember when's. Hell, I even forgot to post this blog on the right month.

But I am happy that it reminds me. I need to remember how I got there. And to remind you of the signs you may be seeing and ignoring. 
See, I didn't listen to my intuition and let my ego rule my brain. I knew I shouldn't have married him, there were so many red flags up until that point. But I was young and had a big ego.

I had moved to Florida from New York, sold my business, rented my home out, and gave my dog away to be with this man. How was I going to go home and say "Oops wrong guy, I made a huge mistake" 
I would have had to move back in with my parents, find a job, admit my mistake to everyone. I couldn't do that.
No, my ego would never allow me to do that.

So instead I lied to myself. 
I told myself he loved me, and he's doing this because of how much he loves me. I gave up friends he didn't like. I gave up my life as I knew it to try to make him "happy" but as I learned later, it will never be enough when you're not happy with yourself. You can't make another person happy, that is not your job.

This day reminds me that I always need to listen to myself. I can never let love or desperation overrule the warning signs. It is sad to look back because it also reminds me that back then, I was a complete person. I was an independent woman long before I met him. Even though for years he would tell me how he “found me” and all he did for me. 
“Found me?” He found me with my own home and my own business and traveling the world? But when you're with a narcissist they want you to feel like they are your world and you'd be nothing without them. 

But years later I found my true self again and yes, even though it was a long hard road back, I am that person again. It taught me that this writing is my purpose, to be able to keep telling others this message as well. 

This blog allows me to share my screw-ups so that hopefully others won't have to share my pain. I pray my girls never walk down my path. I write so that I show you the warning signs and so that you'll avoid my pitfalls. 
I write about this because someone out there may be in that same situation and doesn't feel like they can do it on their own or doesn't want to move back in with their parents or start over by themselves. But I am here to tell them you can! Don't waste years because of your ego. If I can do it, you can, as I am no different than you. 

So today my friends remember that these are all lessons that we must learn. You should wear your failures like a badge of honor because they have taught you valuable lessons on what not to do the next time. 
And to Facebook, it's okay, you can keep reminding me of my remember when's. Because even if it brings up painful memories, it also shows me how far I've come and how much I've grown.
It gives me strength knowing what I have overcome and how I can do anything, just like you can. Because we all can move on from our pasts. We all can be the change you want to see.
@TreadmillTreats