The transition from a kid to adult results in a multitude of personal experience which we carry with us throughout our life in the form of memories. We possess all types of memories whether good or bad, funny or sad, etc. but in the end, they become an ingrained part of us that determines our personality. I firmly believe that it's our own perception of our memories that shape our attitude towards life. It's an abstract knowledge that I have gained through personal experience.
Ever since I entered my early twenties I've been wondering how life has changed for me. How the bad has become good and how the good turned to be bad. The whole world has turned upside down and came out to be more complex than what I had imagined during my childhood. Truly growing old makes us wiser but simultaneously it makes us much more hypocrite. I have always deceived myself by
believing that I am a pure soul but who am I to judge myself when I know that what I portray is all an illusion. However, my childhood memories have always been there to guide me through the ups and downs of life. I remember when I was a mere kid, I went to one of the local confectioneries to buy a pastry. I was supposed to get Rs 10 back for the Rs 20 note that I gave to the shopkeeper but somehow he ended up giving me a fifty rupees note. I maintained a calm outlook but I was really giggling from the inside for I had gained an amount of forty rupees. Such amount of money was huge for kids like me back then, since it could have fetched me candies for the entire week or maybe more. In the evening, I couldn't keep it to myself so I shared the news of the event with my elder sister. But I had no idea that my father was hiding behind the curtains and planned to surprise me. He silently listened to everything that I shared with my sister and entered the scene. He scolded me and said what I did was wrong and asked me to return the money. The next day I went to the shop and returned the money and apologized for not returning it the same day. The shopkeeper was surprised and smiled at me. This was a moral lesson that I learnedthrough personal experience and not from books and ever since the occurrence of that event I've always been honest. I believe many of us had the opportunity to experience similar events that had a great influence on our lives.
Another such fateful event was the death of my grandmother. Back when I was a kid, I was well looked at by my grandmother. She often offered me delicacies like solid balls made up of puffed rice and jaggery. It was one of the most inexpensive and common items for children's consumption which has ceased to exist in the present day. Every weekend she gave me five rupees which I used to buy plastic toys and nothing gave me greater pleasure than watching her chant the daily hymns. There were times when I misbehaved with her and hated her but never did I realize that this body of flesh and bones would perish away with the passage of time. I was arrogant and took things for granted. I believed that she would be with us forever so I never apologized to her for the troubles that I caused to her. Whenever I would be back home, I used to enter the "LASEM" (meaning: the room where we worship GOD in our local dialect) and turn towards the right to see my grandmother chanting hymns. It provided me with immense pleasure. But after her death, I could feel the void in my heart.
I would turn right and see an empty bed. Glimpses of her memories were so vividly rooted in my mind that I would often imagine her sitting on the bed chanting her daily hymns. I have always wished for an opportunity to convey her how much I loved her but what's the point of yearning for such wish when you know that it isn't going to be true. Over the years I've learned the importance of human life. What you feel
for the other person whether family, friends, relatives or any random stranger ought to be conveyed before it's too late. What's the point of regretting when that person who matters the most ceases to exist in our mortal world. These real-life lessons are all gifts that I had the privilege to experience and I will continue to cherish all such memories whether good or bad because I know that its these little things that make me, me. Its the positive attributes that I chose to gain from these memories that make me feel like a responsible human. Likewise, I firmly assert the fact that it is possible that the same concept applies to each and every individual. We all have a story of our own where we are the main character and we see ourselves as something divine and pristine far away from evil. But have we really pondered into our soul and asked our conscience what we really are? Well, I can't say about others but I definitely believe that if we are able to grasp legitimate conclusions from past memories then we can attain true meaning of
self-consciousness and lead a worthful life.