Meeting Life In Face Of Death

It was after Weeks of crying. Crying as I ate food, crying as I watched stupid funny videos that everyone adviced or crying for no reason absolutely. I was unhappy with everything. Crying even as I drank water and didn't like the taste. But this was a Wake up Call: a call I needed. To not be any of this ever again.

My phone rang. It showed an incoming call from my Mother at 5:15 p.m. She told me she's going to the City-side Hospital as an Aunt had got into an Accident. I hated it; a call anyone would hate. But Death and Fate is untimely.

She told me that aunt's legs were crushed under the weight of roadroller truck. All I could do was scream: What?

I was done with a long week ending that Saturday evening. And just headed home. 

What happened? I asked as I called my Mother hours later.

Operation. She's being operated and her legs being cut to prevent poison from getting onto the upper side of her body. But the Haemoglobin is 3 and she's continuously bleeding so we're waiting.

Another call came late in the middle of the night: She survived. Operation was successful. But Life ahead? What's the point of life even for her?

What would ever be the meaning of life for her after this?

My Mom came home and met me on Monday early morning. She told me that Saturday afternoon was when this accident had happened. As that aunt was crossing the road and another details of the fatal incident.

It occurred to me, It was the same road I was going through to reach my college and appear for my exams. The Exact same path and exact same time at which this must've happened. I was too anxious by getting late for my exam and freaked out by traffic, I was just praying to God to find me a way out and he did and I somehow had reached my centre upon requesting auto-wale bhaiya.

But had I taken the route anyway, had I seen her? Over there lying in the pool of blood, a helpless woman weeping in agony as a crowd encircles her and stares blankly, not wanting to get involved or anything.

Had I really agreed to where God was taking me could I have helped her? But would I have helped her regardless, even in case of not knowing her? 

I had no answer and a blank frozen state-of-mind. 

When I left for work that day, I was too thoughtful about crossing the road. Even a vehicle being too near me sent chills across my spine. I gazed at the streets curiously enough to think how her blood must've been frozen here in beetle colour or it could have been washed away. Like so many lives get washed away. How disposable were ordinary lives of ordinary working class? How easily are we forgotten?

Why did she survive? I felt nauseous at my thought. But it rose from a place of concern. Now she'll have to live the life of a dependent? But what was she even doing that day? Why this? Just crossing the road after attending an afternoon prayer at the Temple. 

Who were to blame? Her? For hurriedly crossing the road? The wasted traffic signals or the poor road construction or that Driver? But what would blaming anyone bring?

God saved her from a fatal death, just this accident. A voice in me said. Just this accident? 

I felt angry at the unfairness of Life. I knew the state she shall soon slip into. 

It is the survivor's psyche as now - all she'll remember is the hollowness of life as she lays down on the bed recovering from this trauma or waiting for Death once she is home. All the injustice done to her from childhood, for all the abuse she may have endured, all the repressed anger and pain will come out. She'll no longer be herself. Just a living corpse. Isn't Death better than this? To be free from this pain?

But who am I to decide?

To calm myself down, I stopped thinking about her.

I reflected on how since weeks I was just sad, demanding and angry and cribbing. I did seek comfort from pains of life but my ways weren't right. 

How much I took for granted this simplicity of life: Where I could cook and eat with my hands. Where I could walk at my work place or college. Where I could see the Beautiful skies and faces of my Loved ones. Where I hug and feel warmth of Joy.

How Blessed are we indeed now that I come to think of it!

Why are we anything but Grateful for this Breathe of Life?

Why are we humans like this?

It's only when we see the face of Death. A Date with Death reminds us of the Beauty of Life? 

Tragic! Definitely.

Maybe this is how it is and always has been, when we see others cry over their loss is when the epiphany of our Blessings comes to us.

We could be them, they could be us - what separates our lives - is mere Luck.

I cannot change anything for anyone but me.

So I'll tell you to always think how Lucky and Blessed you truly are! Because you are. 

And after this, even I told myself instead of cribbing about adversities and overthinking. I'd rather face struggles with ease and get done with it because I am still Alive, Healthy and so are you!