Love

I looked into his eyes and it felt like I was peeking at his soul. He was smiling and looking at me with loving eyes. It felt like he saw the world in me, like I was his entire world and he, mine . He had the kind of face you would forget or mix up with another’s. But to me, every time, I closed my eyes and locked the world away, he was all I saw.

I was feeling happy, but sad. Calm, but angry and emotional.. god so emotional.
When he asked me what was wrong, I replied with a soft caress of my fingers on his cheek. He pulled me closer, even though there was almost no space left between us. I figured that’s what love is. Isn’t it? Not by virtue of definition, but it just is, that way. When you're in love, it is very easy to get closer to the other person. But I fear a moment in life, where I can’t get any closer and I’m lost with nowhere to go.

Though right now, all I wanted was for time to stop. It would stop now and life could be perfect forever. But perfection was an illusion, an oasis in a desert of misery. It was despondent hope for the thirsty traveler and I knew better than to chase it. But I couldn’t help awing the perfection of this moment. Rejoicing in the joy of it’s very being and suffering in the knowledge of how it was fleeting.

As the emotions blazed inside of me, my fingers moved to his lips. I rubbed them softly with my thumb. We were both old enough to know there were no happy endings in real life. I figured we already achieved the happiness, then why not end it all? Right here , right now. I knew no moment in my life could live up to this moment .

My eyes were heavy with tears. I hated how easy it was for me to cry. He was smiling at me, just smiling, in complete serenity. How? How did he do that? How did he manage to stay so calm and so loving? My vision was slowly blurring as my tears fell, more rushing to take their place. I wasn’t sobbing. They just slid through my cheeks disappearing as his fingers shooed them away. He kissed me on my forehead.

There is a strange sort of intimacy you feel when someone you love does that. You feel protected and safe. Everything felt right for the first time.

He gave a soft laugh, tugging my solitary hair behind my ear. "Why are you crying now? Aren’t you happy?" he asked.

I nodded my head . I didn’t know how to make him understand. That I was crying because I had never been this happy. I had always felt wrong. Like a puzzle piece from a different game, I could never fit into my life. But now I didn’t have to worry about fitting. I was soaring.

I was crying because I knew this moment was going to have to end, and lord I’d give anything and everything to make it not.

I asked him if we could end our lives right then. I didn’t want to go back to the daily humbug of numbers and exams and everything else. I could die happyily now. Isn’t that, after all, what we all live for? Happiness? He just said I should stop saying things like that. And that I had no idea what life had in store for me, for us. There was so much more we wanted to be.

Soulmate! He was my soulmate. The music of my soul, was in harmony with his. And when I was with him, my soul didn’t just speak, it sang. The strings played the same tune, and our hearts danced to the same song.

This one dance I wish, was endless.

I was happy. Probably the happiest I’ll ever be. But the sky was getting dark, and it was time for goodbye. I buried my neck in his arm and closed my eyes, trying to make the warm feeling last forever, at least in my memory. I opened my eyes and a tear fell. He kissed the tear and left.