Lockdown Blues In Uptown

I thought I could cook my Amma's Secret Pulao. I thought I was a normal human being, a sluggish one who's burdened by the soreness from the uproar of the words of "On the Origin of Species". I thought birds only lived inside Darwin's observatories. I thought I could write a mile long poem about myself without forgetting the rhyming scheme. 

I was wrong. A tragicomedy.

I lived in a hypnotic world that was curtained by a zephyr of hypocrisy that sings to me false memories. Ironically, it took a virus to bring out the human side in me which was all conquered by the virtual world. It all took a virus for me to realize that there's no perfection in me, even though I seek perfection in others.

Having almost all day to myself now in these mundane realities of lockdown, the walls of my room have artlessly led me down to the lane of soul-searching conversations with myself. Now come to think of it I never noticed the orange glow the curtains add to the morning rays or the vivid blooms in my balcony that holds dancing petals like the kisses from divine. Never bothered to listen to the sparrows chirp on my window pane or the sweet silence of the spring.

Today, I believe I have all the time in this world to give in to these torrent of humane dynamics that I had been naively indifferent to. 

As I gaze out of the gallery, no motion escaping my eyes. I see an empty, monotone road that was once overcrowded by the pungent odour of petrol. A black poly bag caught in an invisible washing machine. A family of four waiting for the old bus to journey them to their village. The mother has planted herself on the pavement, her kids fast asleep on her cadaverous lap while she soothes their hair under the shelter of a tree. The father glancing at his wristwatch, the only prized valuable he possessed after all. I look back at these smooth shades of my room and thank God deep down. 

As someone who has never regarded the banalities of socialization, the past weeks have changed my beliefs. I realize how gullible I had been to take social interactions for granted. Even for someone like me who enjoys the purdah of solitude, I have come to acknowledge that there are no replacements for those special handshakes with my classmates, those proud-of-you pats from the professors, holding my sister's had thoughtlessly before crossing the road, carrying my nephew's school bag as we race towards the elevator and other simple things that seems to be luxuries I can't afford now.

This worldwide chaos, George Floyd and the lockdown have brought us closer to each other than ever, even though on one comes closer that a feather's throw away distance. This lockdown has taught me that I can't go back and change where the road starts, but I can change where I end up. Just like the basic mathematical equation we learned in school- Two negatives make a positive. It has taught me that even though the birds are caged, they still know how to sing. Alas! It has taught me to cook my Amma's Secret Pulao.