Know your way!

Ray, a retired writer who is sitting with her whole family at the dinner table and telling them about the time, she considers most important one, which played major role in her life. She starts speaking:

When I was 21 years old; a pandemic, made us feel like the world stopped: the covid-19 pandemic. All of us were locked inside houses. Waking up and pushing ourselves to do casual things was a challenge. It has been like as if all the fun and thrills of life were sucked by the virus. More and more people were being infected. News of thousands of people losing their lives, and thousands being infected in a day even triggered the thought of the end of humanity. Everyone was restless and worried.  

I was attending my lectures online. I was also determined to make the time more productive. I used to love reading; I have a huge collection of my favorite books. I still do remember days when download e-books would pop up every time, I switch on my laptop. I even got problems in my eyes later. (showing glasses to children) (chuckles around the room) 

During that time, one incident changed the way I look at myself, perspective on life. I was not a big fan of self-help books; books that are considered to give you the vision to walk in life. I started reading one as suggested by your grandfather, who was a bookworm, always insisted on following books and words, back then. Self-help books were never a cup of my tea. I was really suffocated by other’s theory to make my life better. However, I started to read a book, you know how stubborn he is (everyone laughs)

I felt like someone was stabbing me. I couldn’t continue it further. Deciding to quit the book relieved me from being imprisoned by the walls of ideas, someone else’s idea. I wondered how a small book made me suffocate so bad. Then I realized, I was not meant to work under other’s thoughts and rules. I always believed every single individual is unique. No one in the world is living my life and dealing with difficulties with the characteristics I have. Even now, I am a firm believer in this idea.

 

I was not comfortable with the ways the book suggested me to deal with the circumstances I was facing at that moment. I was moved by the thought, If I was only “the one” to ever live my life, how other’s idea of living my life will make it better life. That made me question myself, about the uniqueness I had, and the unimaginable beauty the thought held. That day I concluded there is no universal way of things. No one is living, ever lived, or will live my life. I should discover ways of living my life, by living it. Running on the influence of other’s ways could have helped me temporarily but I understood, I was meant to find my ways, myself.

Further, something inside me changed that year. I am sure, I was never the same from that realization. It is very difficult to put all the feelings into words, even now, when I have lived my life, the way I wanted. Being away from family, friends, and relatives was never my idea of living. However, I got away, I wanted to see the beauty this world holds. I was lucky because your grandpa never left my side. It is amazing to live a life with such a huge number of moments to live and embrace, even it was not always a good one.

Remember to live!

Remember to embrace this massive beauty!

When you begin to count every day, this life will feel very short. Now, when my face is buried in waves of wrinkles and white snowy hair, I never regret a bit about how I spent my time here. I never regreted the situation I came here and, in the circumstances, I will end.

I wish to be born again, in the same world, where I can feel my soul smiling!

(everyone watches her silently) (She smiles strangely)