KARWA CHAUTH

Covered in red from head to toe, she epitomized beauty and grace. She gave up food and water for a day. Her serene mind eclipsed her pain. Silent prayers for her husband’s long life, she chanted throughout the day. The little me looked on in awe, excited to cook delicacies with my father, freeing my mom for a day.

Some questions, though kept my mind occupied. Did God favor husbands of Indian wives who do this fast? What about the ones who did not follow this ritual? Is this really a way to prove your love for your spouse?

Revelries, gifts and dressing up in finery overpowered the doubts. Invited one and all. Me too, toed the line for years many, hiding my doubts in the inner-safe of my heart. I also feared, going against the tide and hurting those dear to me.

Then came along, the moment of truth. A 10-day silent retreat with my husband. One of those days was Karwa Chauth, I wondered how could I continue this song? Staying isolated, men with the men, women with the women, unable to talk or meet each other. Yet, I planned ways to continue the fast, to share a glance with my hubby in the meditation hall – common for all. The thought of sneaking my sargi* in my room, kept swaying in my mind. Worries, of my health or meditation getting affected due to the fast, swelled in my mind.

Why, I asked myself, do I want to continue this fast? Because I have been doing it for years galore. Because I loved the folklore, Because I took it as a challenge. Because I sought out the celebrations, Because I wanted to blend in. Because I liked fasting, anyway.

Oh, my dear, I do not find any connection with this fast with my husband’s long life! None of these reasons convinces me to continue fasting. So, there I was, free from my own doubts, confident in my beliefs. From that day, I discontinued this fast, though I continued the meet and greet, the dressing up, and the photo sessions. I served the ladies in my family who observed the fast, especially in the fag-end hours, which dragged their feet far. So, I found my balance, quietly facing the resistance from a few loved ones. I could do so, also because of my husband. He let me be, without any question.

rising sun --

my inner lamp

uncovers a universal truth

*sargi is a pre-dawn meal that is prepared by mothers-in-law in order to bless their daughters-in-law before they start the karwa chauth fast.