Inky Pinky Ponky

The news paper headlines screamed at me. Wife beating was considered to be okay by more than 74% women and 80% men. Now according to the news, the survey took place not in Bihar or UP but in a relatively developed state like Karnataka. No wonder that Karnataka was the first south Indian state to succumb to the ideology of the lotus party which promoted the patriarchal religious ideology. The reasons that made a wife deserve beating were not cooking good food, neglect of children, going out without telling husband and so on. I wonder if questions related to husband beating was also asked. Being a poet, I express my response many a time through poetry. I wrote this and shared with some friends.

Hear oh! Women, if you are a wife, don’t create bad vibes

Follow the men's dictum, to be not beaten at the minimum.

In this 21st century New India they want to usher in Ram Rajya

Let wives be unlike Sitha, not cross Lakshman Rekha

This is your situation normal, the majority goes for symbol Komal

Don’t let your husband ask beatings nimage beka! (Do you want? in Kannada).

That was when a friend called to say there was some news about Pinky! Pinky was in her late twenties and tied the knots so to speak about some ten months ago. Before you make a guess about the news let me narrate the story of Pinky to you.

Pinky was a bright young woman, a soft wear engineer, relatively doing well at work. Being a woman, she was under pressure to get married. Alas Pinky was not looking around among her office colleagues or their friends to find a suitable boy. She was blinkered and wanted to marry within her community deferring to the wishes of her parents. She took to the marriage app route. She had a host of conditions to apply for the eligible boy. Someone who would take her to movies, would not want to settle abroad, would not be his mama’s boy. It was a case of touch and go in many a situation and years passed. Her elder brother too got married and had a child. One could say he was settled in life. He has fulfilled his obligation to society so to speak. But Pinky wasn’t. COVID too played truant for some two years and put a spanner in her search. As COVID was waning her luck turned for better and she could find a potential mister for her. After many meetings both the boy and the girl decided they could be a match for life. In appearance he too was of small stature. In his case his younger brother was not only earned more but settled in life ahead of him. The suitable boy was earning less than Pinky. But that didn’t deter Pinky as she had made the disclosure and the boy was okay with that.

So, they tied the knots in a small gathering as COVID raised its ugly head again. I was perturbed to hear that Pinky’s parents paid some dowry to the boy’s parents not withstanding the fact that the boy earned less than her. My spouse told me it was to get better acceptance with her in-laws. But I was not convinced.

So, back to Pinky. You didn’t guess right. Pinky wasn’t in a family way. She and her husband were deciding to get out of family way. The gestation period was only ten months when they were deciding to separate. Tch, tch! Now mister wants to settle abroad. He seems to have problem with her higher earnings. They cannot decide which mattress to buy. Mister has a mama problem. He has to take permission from his parents for silly things too. Initially Pinky was beset with adjustment problems with her in-laws at their homes because of COVID it was WFH.

Pinky during her work life had lived independently in a guest house. As the COVID was waning office had called both of them to join at Bangalore. Pinky was only too eager to move out and find their own independent flat for themselves and got busy settling in. It was then the mattress problem cropped up. Pinky knows my spouse well and informed her of the upcoming issue that was not yet public. I told my wife not to become Pinky’s agony aunt but do well to suggest to her to go and see a marriage counsellor together. One cannot draw any conclusion hearing upon one sided version. After all, marriage is a two-way street. Anyways I got informed that the mister complained to his mom, his dad-in-law. Pinky’s dad was in a state of madness since she wasn’t getting married for a long time and put the blame on his wife. Now his madness would re-visit him and I am thinking whom he would blame now.

One had heard of a seven-year itch for the marriage to fail. In the days of instant gratification, I wonder if the gestation period has got reduced dramatically. Looking at Pinky’s marriage I am asking myself what could have got wrong. They haven’t even set up their independent flat in the last two months. At least the boy’s mama’s shadow wasn’t falling daily in case of Pinky? Was it the deep-rooted complexities in the mister that was surfacing? Does Pinky’s behavior give any cause for a beating now that the couple have shifted to Karnataka?

Nevertheless, considering the duration of their marriage has not even crossed a year, I felt that the marriage could be salvaged if they willed it. On a humorous note, I end

Inky pinky ponky

Her marriage got a bit rocky

Hope they meet a counsellor who may have the key

For their happiness, and make their marriage sticky.

Latest news was that Pinky and her mister were back to talking terms and were planning a holiday together.