I wish.. Papa

"Listen, let's go for midnight cycling this weekend. You, Me & Rashi". Message from Sweta flashed on my notification tab. Though I was busy with the activity of marking all my official emails as read, i couldn't ignore that message.

"Umm.. But I can't cycle" I replied back.

"Oh come on, don't act lazy. What else will you do? Rather than soing all weekend."

"I'm not lazy! And i won't sleep all weekend. It's just that i don't know how to cycle"

"What is that even supposed to mean by you can't cycle???

"Just exactly what it sounds!" and i switched my mobile data connection off.

A bicycle is probably one of the most sought after birthday presents. Or, that gift your parents promise to give you if you score an A grade in all subjects. Everybody can cycle!

This is not the story of me or my bicycle. But is the story of me and my papa. I put the blame on you papa. I don't know cycling because you were there not to teach me. I know Sameer is younger than me and yet he learned cycling by himself. But i couldn't learn by myself. He is very impatient. He doesn't let me use the cycle saying i crash it every time and it is damaging the cycle. I wish you were there to hold me from behind and motivate me saying Go my girl. Don't worry, Papa is right here. I wish you could walk papa.

I know i m a slow learner. And i remember how mama had given up trying to teach me how to read time from a clock. But you were patient papa. You made me sit on your lap and with your golden watch you taught me how it is.. 1 is 5, 2 is 10, 3 is 15 and so on and on. So when mama called out from kitchen asking what time it is, i would go below the wall clock and count it just like you taught me. And she thought she finally managed to teach me count. But it was you papa. I wish you could hold us with your arms papa.

You know papa, i still save money in a small piggy bank. No mutual funds, No recurring deposits, I still put my money in that Mickey Mouse piggy bank. Thank you for nurturing the saving habit in me papa. Were it not for the coins you brought us every evening papa, i wouldn't have known that every penny counts and that for every time my piggy bank was full, i could go to amusement parks with mom and sameer. Because papa, you can't come with us. I wish you were not ill papa.

Every time there was a Parent Teacher Meeting, my teachers would ask me if my papa is coming. Not that i was naughty papa, but because that is how it is. Everybody's mama and papa came together t meet the teachers. For us, it was always mama. She had to finish all the household chores, feed you and the rush to school on time. I wish you were not bed-ridden papa.

Everybody says fathers love their daughter a bit more than they love their sons. It must be the same for you na papa? But you never told me anything. I try hard to remember your voice, but i somehow can't. It was always faint, i had to read your lips to understand what you meant. I wish you could talk papa.

I wanted to join dance class, but mama wouldn't have time to take me to the class. She was too protective to send me alone. My friends joined the class, because their fathers dropped them at the class and also came to pick them up on time. I also wanted you to come to school during annual day and see my play papa. I think i acted well. You were not here to see me perform papa. Last time i was part of English group song. I sang Every Night in my dreams papa. You were not there with mama to hear me sing. I wish you could hear and see me papa!

I was really happy when i got a job in Mumbai. I was keen on exploring a new city because we never went on tours papa. You were ill, mama had to take care of you. Sameer & I were always sent with granny or aunt or uncle. I wish we had a family trip papa.

I wanted to bring you all a lot of presents when i come back home after my first salary. But, it was an unplanned visit papa. I was sleeping when Sameer called and told me you were sick and asked me to come home as soon as possible. I rushed home to be with you. But all i saw was your body wrapped in a white piece of cloth. I wish you were not gone papa.