Dream, Girl. Dream, Big

“What is she doing with those cameramen”

“Hmm. It’s been some time since she’s all gaga with them”

“Girls these days. Her mom is not here and she’s making the most out of it”

Chitter. Chatter. Gossip mongering. Chitter. Chatter.

Wedding shoots had suddenly become the thing. It was my cousin's wedding and there were a few more shots left before the film would be complete. My younger sister was supposed to do the introduction part. She saw the camera and started panicking.

There wasn’t much time left and this had to be shot today. The camera crew asked me if I can do it. I said I can try.

“Okay, Suhana lets have a trial”

I started delivering the script. Yes, I liked the speech, the action, the leading part. I had always dreamt of giving such speeches. I was to become that young successful corporate woman. I want to work in a tall glass building multinational company. I’d wear blazers and suit to the office. I’d tie my hair in a ponytail and wear pump heels. I will be a good listener and an even better speaker. My boss will be impressed with my presentation. I’ll receive the best performer award. There is no limit to daydreaming, isn’t it?

“Good one Suhana. I think we can do the actual shot now. You remember your lines, don’t you”

“Yes. Let’s do it”. The shot went well and it was pack uptime. My sister hugged me tight for saving her for the nth time. “You owe me big this time, come on let’s move to the starters now”

I did not know I was going to get some real starters.

“What were you doing with those guys? You have created a scene here”, my aunt pulled me towards my uncle and two other relatives and started shouting at me.

“If this is what she does in front of family, imagine the kind of things she will do while she is away”, smirked someone from behind.

It took me a while to comprehend. Did these people just get offended for me spending 5 mins with “a group of men”? Or did they get offended because a girl in this family finally had the courage to speak with confidence?

My family was conservative. Very much. Conversations between a girl and guy were suspiciously looked at. Smartness was not a desirable trait for girls. Obedience and silence were.

I was angry. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away. But I had to keep my cool. I have my XAT exam tomorrow and I can’t be drooling over these comments.

“Enough now. Go home, Tarun will drop you home”

“Uncle, I am going to the station after this. I have a train to catch.”

The eyebrows first went up when I told them I had to take the over-night train to be there on time for the forenoon examination. I just turned the situation worse by behaving in a way I am not expected to.

“No need to give this examination. It is not that important after all. You already gave another MBA examination saying that was mandatory.”

“Aunty, why are you talking like this. I have prepared really hard and why would I miss the examination?! This is my dream”

“It would be better if you girls can keep a tab on your dreams. I don’t get this generation. We were all fine without doing jobs. We took good care of our husband and children, but girls nowadays hardly care about being good housewives”

Everything is easy for girls they said. Gender diversity. Reservations. Easy Job. Promotions. You just have to be a girl and opportunities come knocking your door.

“Aunty, let it go. It was not her fault, I forced her to do it. She did not want to”, my sister was trying to save me in any way possible. Suhana, it’s time for you to leave now. Let’s go or you’ll miss the train”

I could not sleep that night. I knew this was my only chance.

I am a girl. I do not have the privilege to fail and try again. The rest of my life will depend on how I pass these tests. I am a girl. My family wouldn’t fund my education. They already have to incur a lot of expenses for my wedding.

I have to be the heroine of my life. Not a victim. I can’t let go of my dreams. This test can’t be any difficult than girlhood. I was confident as I walked into the exam hall. I had to be confident. A voice echoed inside me “Dream, girl. Dream, big.”