I Will Never Fall In Love Again

  "I crave a love that drowns the ocean"

We all have been through this pandemic known to be 2020... Accept the fact or not we become addicted to social media... Way too much more than before. It was a time when we couldn't live without a phone I believe that most youngsters in this generation are introvert in my point of view as the people I met is introverted. I am just a normal teenage girl way too introverted. I am the member of the family people don't care about. I feel lonely among my loved ones. I don't really talk much with anyone I generally like to stay alone and happy with songs...

So in 2020 as we were all addicts I installed one game known as Free fire and slowly I was addicted I used to play this game whole day. My sleeping schedules were meshed up I used to go to sleep at 5:00 a.m. in the morning and wake up at 1 or 2 p.m. in the afternoon then back playing the game. I made really good friends ( Pro players only). And then I met him. He was a very handsome, husky voice, shy and Pro. I used to play with him because when I used to play with him I never lost a match.

After two or three months we became really close. After this, we were kind of addicted to each other even more than games. 

Let's name him Leo, as his zodiac sign is Leo. I don't want to disclose his name. 

We both had common interest we both was shy, addicted to games, careless about studies, don't care about our health, and anime lover as well. We had our vibes checked.

We both had the freedom to talk on calls so we took advantage of it, we used to be on calls 24*7. Mostly our phone used to be dead as it only used to get rest while we were sleeping.

Days were fast my exam came I started to study as the whole year I didn't touch the book. Same case with him. We talk a bit less concentrated on studies a bit more. My marks were not so good and my typical Indian mom deleted the game and my freedom of speech was taken away... The only way that we could talk was via Instagram. It really hurts before we should talk 24 hours now just 16 hours and then later on it was just one hour. But still, that one precious hour was a lot to be loved. 

And still, I loved him as I did before. He too quit free fire but he was addicted to smoking. He promised me he won't continue smoking, rest god knows. 

After 3 months of these, he lost his father which was heartbreaking due to covid-19 as well as he lost his mother due to cancer in early 2012. He had no one to be with him mentally, physically he had his uncles and relatives to take care of him PHYSICALLY... I was at fault as he wanted to spend more time with me but I could not give him time at all. 

I notice the change in him, first, he used to say I want to come to India and stay happy with you forever.

Now, he was always talking about suicide several times more than "I love you" I still had hope that he will be alright, but he was not healing. One day he called luckily my parents were not there at my house, so I picked up the call this time he was really serious he was talking only about suicide, I said those words like any other person who is concerned about her lover's will. But it didn't really work. He asked me will I be there with him forever. Will I be there for him forever? Will I be with him even if the world is against him? Will I be there if the world forgets? I said yes because I knew the pain and depression he was going through. The last words he said on our last call was 

"Even though the world forgets me!!! Even though Everyone betrayed me!!! Even though no one is with you I will be there for you forever" 

then I heard a sound of force of air, then the device of his was switched off... 

Every time, everyday I called him it was switched off for a month. Later incoming calls were not available on the number... Currently, it's an invalid number.

I don't know

 1. Where is he?

 2. How is he?

 3. Is he really there?