How I Died

“Damn Peds. We call them that because saying giant centipede takes to long, humans are so lazy. These beasts start at six feet, as a juvenile. That’s right six long feet. The average one of these bastards is two to three times that, and don’t get me started on the grandparents. God have mercy on you and everyone around you if you see one of them. But here is this one, standing over me, pinning me to the ground, and drooling on me. Yes, drooling. The green crap dripping from its mandibles and gaping hole. It splashes on my armor, with a sizzle. This shit isn’t strong enough to melt through it, but it corrodes the outer shell.”

“It’s six black eyes tared at me. I wondered which part of me it would find the most tasty. I hope it’s my head. I pray that it’s not my intestines. Hurry and pop my armor at the neck, less pain. Funny how time slows down when life gets wonky. This pause seemed like time had frozen. A couple of its hundred legs loosened enough for me to glance behind it.” 

“Well hell, my luck keeps getting worse. One of the Frozen is looking over here. When we humans arrived, on what we thought was a barren rock we began to find life forms. No bugs, well normal bugs. No amphibians. But, in the caverns we found reptiles, mammals, and fish of all things, in liquid water. We also found these stupid Peds. We went further and found Martians. They weren’t green little men, they were giants. Olive skinned, and twelve feet tall. They were cryogenically frozen, until some doofus leaned on the switch. They were smart and very unpredictable. Some began to kill right away, while others walked away.”

“Crap, here he comes. To think, I almost made the crevice. I can reach it with my hand, but this big slobbering bastard is to damn big for me to lift, even with the powered armor. What the hell was that?!” 

“Hot Damn! Yang is still here. I knew she wouldn’t leave me. Now if I could only get this stupid Ped off of me.” 

“Ouch! Ow! Ow! Cray bitch is going to pull me apart. Just wait a minute! Let this big ass Ped get a few more legs off of me.” 

“Ha ha! I’m out! The Ped is turning to fight the Frozen.” 

“Oh Shit...... Damn Yang. Coulda warned me. Felt that shit through the suit. Damn near broke my neck. Just let me flop to the ground like a sack of shit. Hell, at least I’m alive.” 

“Mmm, she always looks good, even in the armor. It seemed to hug her in all the right places..... Well, anyway, it looked like her fusion rifle went into melt down just like mine. I figured it was time to get the hell out of there and get back to the base.” 

“I always thought humans were sloppy and careless, being here on Mars proved it. We have been here a couple years and already the planet is changing. No matter how we tried to not contaminate the surface, we did. Were there was no life on the surface there were now patchy spots of moss and lichen. We were told it was because some guy sneezed in his armor and the spores in the snot were then shot out the exhaust. To me it made the place look better, to the scientist it was a shit storm. For the smaller animals it provided just enough oxygen for them to creep out of the caves.” 

“Then again, they say the Peds are our fault. Damn things. Back on Earth they are squishable nasty little buggers. Here, they are mutated giant bastards. Something about less gravity and atmospheric density...blah blah blah. All I know is a few stowed away in the gear and the rest is history.” 

“This is always a pain in the ass. Stupid scanner takes for ever. I told them, repeatedly, that it was a bad idea. Gave them all the variables on why it was bad news for the troops outside trying to get in. Once the scan is complete the door opens long enough for one person to get through....one. Well, Yang’s ass is in, my turn now. God this takes for ever. Perhaps they should play the Jeopardy theme song while you wait to see if you get in, or ambushed by what ever wants to kill you today.” 

“Finally, can’t wait to get out of this damn armor. Let’s see, this room looks good. Giant pain in the ass lining up to the sensors. Aaaaand there. Feels good getting out of there. Get to wiggle my toes and scratch my...” 

“What the hell? What did she break now? All the damn sirens going off. There she is, scrambling out the door into the bay. She was barely in her personal suit, nice view. Shit! I’m not in mine. Guess that’s why her cheeks are a little red.” 

“Gotta slip into this thing, of all the creations man has made in my lifetime, this is the best. It’s strong, durable, and extremely comfy. Love it! Just have to watch the jewels around the zipper. Oh, hey Yang. What’s with the rifle? Oh got one for me too? I guess we are going to see what kind of crap storms a brewing now.”

“How in the hell did these things get in here? Baby damn Peds everywhere. Had to be babies. They were only three feet long. But these little bastards were hungry. God this was a nasty sight. I saw the hole first and started to blast the rocks inside of it. The fusion rifles could turn stone into magma in seconds. Yang snapped out of her trance and started to help seal that hole up. But there were so many of the little assholes in the base already.” 

“I told those stupid bastards not to build next to a cave. Would they listen to me? Noooo. Better for research they said, it would be easy they said. Well it’s not so easy now, is it? There were so many of these Peds in here and less and less humans. Time to get the hell out of here. I think she realized it to as she headed to the pod bay with me without a word exchanged.” 

“Shit! Sorry! Didn’t mean to burn a hole through you.....or you....damn this is happening too often. People need to quit running into the hall way with Peds hanging on them. Freaks me out.” 

“What the hell! Damn near knocked me on my ass. Why is the ground shaking? Oh hell....” 

“I hope it didn’t see me. Dare I peak around the corner? I can see Yang hiding across the hall behind an open door. Oh God, that smell. What the hell is that smell. It’s to damn quiet, I’m not peeking. I’ll just watch Yang, make sure she’s safe. Why is it so damn quiet?”

“OK, OK. The ground is rumbling again. I’m gonna peek. Shit, I wish I didn’t peek. That Ped is monstrous. It’s head was already gone but the legs.... the legs were bigger then the damn Ped that had him pinned down earlier.” 

“Time to run, that big son a bitch is out of the hall way and it’s time for this son a bitch to be in the pod bay.” 

“Uh oh, that can’t be good. I never knew these damn things made a noise. Didn’t know bugs could roar. What is wrong with this place? Come one Yang, move that ass. Got to get her moving and not staring. Maybe a swift kick in that ass. Yep she’s moving now.” 

“Damn Pod bay doors won’t open, and that damn thing is right behind us. Yang is wildly shooting down the hall. Do I look back? Dare I look back? Of course, I do, because I’m a stupid human. That damn thing is only twenty feet away. Shit!” 

“Hey dummy! Blast the damn door. Quit panicking and SHOOT!” 

“Great, made a hole big enough for me, Yang and that giant freaking bug. Well, here we go.” 

“Damn, how’d I end up on my face? Yang was too. What the hell happened?” 

“Looks like the rocks caved in and sealed out entrance. Well that’s great. Time to get the hell out of here. Our drop ships are pretty cool. They look like little silver sphere’s about eight feet all around. Until you key them up, then they telescope out and look like a wingless dragon fly. Damn, just realized, we like bugs, I guess. Anyway, there’s everything you need in there to travel in space for about a week, maybe more if you ration it strictly. Oh, and there’s only autopilot. These are preprogrammed to take you directly to Lunar Base 4.” 

“Aha, this day keeps getting better. This stupid pod is taking us right into an asteroid. First row seat to my death. There’s no over ride, no controls. Just a chair, with arms, that my fingers are now digging into. Damn I wish she would stop screaming, can’t I die in peace?” 

“To damn close.” 

“Way to damn close, I nearly crapped myself. The sensors picked up the asteroid at the last second and veered out of the way.” 

“What the hell is she doing now? Digging around in the supplies? Maybe she was, but she isn’t right now. What the hell?”

“Really? One of those little bastards is in here? How the? It seems to have a thing for Yang. I better do something before it eats her. Ah, here we are, I’ll wedge this graphite rod into the mandibles, and.... wow, that’s kind of perverted looking.” 

“The thing is on her back, legs wrapped around her, squeezing her from waist to chest. Now it’s ass end is sticking out between her legs. Looks awful, and by the look on her face, it must feel that way too.” 

“Damn, can’t pry it off with the bar, at least it’s stopping the mandibles from pinching her head off. I need something to get it off of her. Thinks stupid, think. Well DUH!. The laser knife in the cabinet that is used to open the crates. That should let me do something. Got to be careful here not to slice into Yang with it. The damn thing either doesn’t know it’s losing legs, or it doesn’t care.” 

“So twelve is the magic number to get the damn thing to let go. Yang seems to be OK, but where is this little bitch at? I guess the scream means Yang found it. Yup, there it is. Now how do we kill it. Can’t blast it, might blast a hole in the pod. Maybe beat it with the rod? Oh, or we can do that. She just slammed it with a crate a few times.” 

“Great now what? The damn ship is shuddering. Well damn, that was fast. There’s Lunar Base 4.” 

“Wake me up when this nightmare is over. These bastards don’t believe us. It’s treason they say. To kill everyone. ‘Why come here? Did you not think we would know?’ Obviously you don’t know, you bunch of bumbling buffoons. How clueless can you be?” “They have Yang now, I wonder what they are doing to her? I wonder what she is saying? Not much I can do about it. Oh, I guess it’s bed time, they just killed the lights. What a damn crazy ass day.” 

“Shit, must have nodded off. Who the hell are these guys? Guess they want me to go with them, no reason to be all grabby, I don’t float that way. No need to shove either bitch, I’ll walk.” 

“There’s Yang, why won’t she look me in the eye. What the hell is going on. Looks like a trip to Earth for us, shoving our asses into a drop ship.” 

“The trial was bull shit. Environmental terrorism. What the hell is that? Sending us to Leavenworth. Yang is so screwed, first female to be sentenced to serve time with men, equality and all.”

“What the hell? That’s a noise I haven’t heard in years. Gunfire, in the distance. Now a little closer. Oh shit! Down! Get down! The bus floor stinks. Smells of piss. Where’s Yang! There she is, she got down too. Shattered glass on the floor too.” 

“Uh oh. UH OH! This isn’t good, nope, not good at all. I hate this weightless feeling, the spinning and floating. I hate it more when it stops. The roof of the bus doesn’t smell much better. I think Yang agrees, her face all scrunched up.”

“Now who are all these people running around outside the bus? OK, OK, I can walk, get your damn hands off me. Oh, great, a speech. They are the Alliance of blah blah blah or something, and they heard of our heroic actions are Mars. Some more blah blah. Oh, a ride and weapons. I’ll take that. He wants us to head north until there is nothing but snow. OK, sure. Of course, we get an old open Jeep to go where it’s cold. Central America sounds good to me, I’ll have to pitch that to Yang. Never had so many back slaps in my life.” 

“Finally....the adulation for something we never did was fading away behind us. Yang had a weird look on her face. I couldn’t place it and I really needed to pee. So let’s stop, so I can pee, she hopped out too.”

“Which poor little bush will be my victim today. Ah, found one. As a matter of fact, she has been weird ever since Lunar Base 4. Quiet, sullen, and, well less vibrant. Less ballsy. Less Yang. I hope a long road trip will loosen her up and get her to open up to me.” 

“She didn’t take long, she was already back and sitting on the tail gate of the Jeep. She was looking at the ground. Why? She never did that. Let’s see what she will tell me. Well what the hell? She got up as soon as I sat next to her.” 

“This isn’t good, not good at all. I never knew steel could be so cold. The barrel of that 1911 was cold against my forehead. So was the look in her eyes.” “‘Traitor.’ Was the last words she ever said to me. That bitch.”