Gain In All My Pain

Pain, what is its colour. Its fragrance, it's different all the time. When it hurts it hurts in different ways. What it is modality, mode and in such hours of serendipity is pain anytime beautiful...then it is pure masochism to say. Yet some pains are beautiful. Beautiful like when you kissed me, yes I am talking to you. To you who seem to give not a nerve about anything. 

I was so very young when you kissed me. I never saw it coming. But yeah the sky saw it, the ocean saw it and the shore we sat. .me lying in your lap, lost and bewildered. 

It was years back, yes so many years back that you must have forgotten it lips to lips, flowers to flowers you have traveled a lot of distances but how do I forget it. For in my bundle of woes and hidden pleasures and stills of happiness that never stayed. 

Is God a bad story teller. ..he makes more tragedies than comedy. I was in a divine communion with you. Atleast I thought so or every girl like me are taught so. See God in your man. Oh yes you are the of man in my life. I never could relate to any one if I did too I was too cold too frigid. ..I really got burnt down in the fire blaze you began. I could never start over. Bones to Bones Ashes to Ashes I was erased from my soul.

Is there a geography involved in our love. ..can I call It so. ....is there a politics involved in it.

Yes caste creed geography all was involved in our state of affair but we never bothered. When you wanted the warmth of me you rewrote every rule every parameters of existence. But is it fair was it fair.

I remember the kind of sound The small bed in pooja paradise made when you made love to me. I was not knowing anything but pain and yelling and screaming with the rhythmic movement it made. You taught me back then baby love hurts at times. But it hurt all the time. It ought to be the most beautiful moment of a girl's life but I lay staring at the roof of that small hotel and ever since then roofs of many places where I could not name now and our small living together place.

It all sounds bitter, oh the reckless blind love that begot nothing but flowers of yesteryears shattered bruised.

When our blood blended. ..you denied it an existence. Today you reign the world you built but that little piece of life was never written in your life though I was blessed in that matter fate left me a little pearl of kindness.

I the oyster lost my very first pearl and I heard the doctors say every nerve got damaged that evokes pleasure. ..and the earth in me got shaken so fragile and brittle to carry another life. Yet I brought up a beautiful sapling. ..you always want to claim as yours. ..no I would never give you that privilege. 

Women meant commodity to you. You believed you can and had the right to violate and women became your weakness. You like a bee flew, you like a spider waited in your net waiting for prey after prey.

Life is not all about it. Life is not between two legs. .it of course starts there but it is not the entire story. There is beauty in loses. There is hope in every hopelessness, gain in every missing, a satiety in every molecule of frustration..Serenity in every impure volitions..creativity in every Collapsing. 

So I live not a memento of your profanity but a Sanctity beyond all adversity. Life has given me more pain. .that pain..gave me a new meaning.