Eyes in Despair

When I first looked at her, I didn’t really look at her. She was behind me and I just said Hi to her as I was busy munching on my lunch. I didn’t know then, that she would become the girl I will love more than myself. And this love didn’t come like “love at first sight ”. It was different. I used to see her daily and also talked with her twice or thrice. But not a single time that thought of love come into my mind. Then one night she came into my dream. I don’t know why? She just came and that changed the things.

5 months ago

When I started getting ready for the day, I tried to remember the events of the dream. I was sitting with her at some place. Perhaps it was a park and we were sitting beside a boulder. She has a flamingo pink scarf and she covered me and herself under it so that no one would see us. She glanced towards me. She wanted to say something but thought otherwise and instead start focusing on my eyes. Her face was adjacent to mine and it started coming closer. I thought what does she want? It seemed she wanted to be carefree for a while. Her face had a smile but deep inside something was not right in her life and her eyes carried that despair. At that instant, she wanted to forget the world and venture into the moment that makes her happy. I was drawn towards her but resisted myself. At last, I gave up. I moved my face towards her and looked straight into her eyes. But something changed her mind and she backed off.

I came out of my thoughts and got ready. The whole way I was thinking only about the dream. Most of the time we forget dreams as we get out of bed. But I was unable to forget, every event of the dream was flashing in my mind continuously. 

That day I saw her. First time I focussed on her face. Her eyes were the same as in the dream and she was looking more beautiful than before. The little scar on her face was adding to her beauty. When she was speaking her lips moved gracefully. When she smiled, her dimples smiled too. I felt like I could look at her face the whole day. What was this? Why did this happen? Why did she come in the dream? I knew nothing.

2 weeks after the dream

It has been weeks since she ca

Advertisement

me into my dream. I didn't talk much with her. I just want to see her, just looking at her makes me happy. I try to create scenarios so that I can be in her presence. Whenever she remains close to me it feels like spring. My surrounding becomes cheerful and I feel a certain kind of happiness inside. I guess I have started liking her.

3 months after the dream

Now, We are friends, best friends. I don’t have the definition of a best friend but whatever it is she just fits in. We have this special sync between us that we can comfortably share our innermost feelings and thoughts with each other. She is the person I think of who will be always with me whatever the situation. And she is the person from whom I cannot get bored, never ever. I feel I am falling ill. I have all the symptoms and just waiting for that agonising yet delightful ailment to be diagnosed. I want to experience that temporary madness that erupts like volcanoes and makes you do things that you would have never done. I want to stand on that hill holding her hand alone in that crisp winter sunset.

Now, I have fallen sick and there is only one cure. SHE

Yesterday

Since that day the months have passed swiftly but those words lay trapped in my heart and I’m figuring out the correct time for letting them slip away. Today she saw me writing in my diary and asked me to show it to her. It was the perfect moment but I don’t know why I didn’t give it to her. She was not really happy with my response but it was better than the outcome that can come if she gets to read all this.

Today

Today is the last entry of the diary and I will never write in it again. I want to preserve it as a memory that I want to carry forever. 

Today, I saw her reading my diary. Her face had a neutral expression and she was scanning through the pages carefully. Whenever she turned pages my heart throbbed in nervousness. After reading she returned my diary and looked straight into my eyes, I for the second time saw her eyes carrying that anguish. Then she turned away and strolled outside. I stood there unbounded with the diary holding a drop of tear from her eyes and will carry it forever.