Maruf Hasan

Abstract Classics Inspirational

3.5  

Maruf Hasan

Abstract Classics Inspirational

Existentialism is Love

Existentialism is Love

13 mins
93



David just came out from the building of heaven. He bought a Red Bull can and a Red Dunhill cigarette packet at 7-Eleven shop. He came out from 7-Eleven shop and started drinking while walking along a narrow street of Kuala Lumpur. He looked at his Casio sports hand watch. It is half past 2:00 am after midnight. Most of the streets in Kuala Lumpur are almost empty now. He entered a building in which his friend lives. Nepali Security did not bother to ask any question to him though it is the late night because they most probably recognized his face from past times. Security often sees David for last few years in this apartment. Instead of going directly to his friend’s room, he went all the way towards 28th last floor by elevator. He got off from the elevator and walked through a long corridor and reached at the back of the corridor. He illegally busted into the rooftop from that side of the corridor, but he was aware of the security camera. The camera does not cover the area from where he managed to go to the rooftop. He went to the middle of the rooftop and sat down. He put his fingers at his black pant’s pocket and pulled out his Dunhill cigarette packet and a lighter from his pocket. He lit a cigarette and started to smoke while putting back his cigarette packet and lighter in his pocket. He finished his cigarette and threw the cigarette butt. Cigarette Butt does not go that much far, but it is kind of art and perhaps to mean stupidity of life. Now he lied down and put down his student bag under his head as a pillow and staring at the night sky. He basically came at the rooftop just to stare at the night sky. David can still reminisce almost 10 years back he was lying down on the rooftop in his village house in Bangladesh during midnight, and he was staring at the stars and Milky Way galaxy line. He was observing deeply while his father was lying down next to him. He was feeling so helpless and hopeless that day contemplating about his beloved father and mother will die and leave him alone in this planet sooner or later. Millions of Galaxies and Stars are here for millions of years. Many Prophets, political leaders as well as civilizations existed on this ground, and all were disappeared throughout human history by the passage of time. David did not fear to lose anyone in this world that day except his ordinary father and mother. The night sky in Kuala Lumpur and busy city life never gave him such amazing feeling he got in his village in Bangladesh. Time is flying so fast. The night sky looks so artificial in Kuala Lumpur city. It does not attract people to stare at all. He started to reflect another aspect of life. Sleeping with new girls every day does not solve the problem why are we here? What the hell is happening in his life? Life is full of stupidity and illusionary. People work as a robotic way in Kuala Lumpur for their needs and family. He stopped thinking and stood up suddenly.


David came down from the rooftop and entered his friend’s room. He put off his clothes and wore another cloth to take shower. It was dark and he did not want to disturb anyone in the room. This is, in fact, a company hostel. Most of the workers are here from Bangladesh, Malaysia and Myanmar. His friend is also from Bangladesh, but he knows him from his workplace. David has been working in this company for a few years. He occasionally comes to sleep in this company hostel, otherwise, he has a room in his university campus which is quite far from his workplace. He took shower and wore a new t-shirt and trouser. Then, He clutched a Jainamaj, spread out on the floor and stood up to pray. David started to articulate initial verses:

All praise be to God, the caretaker of the worlds. He is the most merciful and the kindest. The owner of the Day of Judgment. We only worship you and we ask for help only from you. Show us the straight path. The path of those you have blessed, not the path of those who have earned your anger, nor those who have gone astray.

Silent tears dripping out from his eyes for an indefinite existential pain like helpless and weak creature in Amazon jungle who lost destiny. Whenever he lonely reads these verses, he cannot keep his mind stable. He ended up prayer and went to sleep at the corner of the floor since he has work in the morning.


“David…hey David… wake up” Haikel was calling out to wake David up. Haikel is from the state of Kelantan in Malaysia. He is a very good person and straightforward. He has only one girlfriend not to break trust perhaps for last few years as David sees him. There is no hypocrisy in his wordings and actions, but he seems bored with the same wording every day. David opened his eyes in a sleepy mood. He saw Haikel and replied “Ok…I am getting ready in 10 minutes”. Both of them have morning duty from 10:00 am. Morning shift refers to those who have the duty from 10:00 am and afternoon shift refers to those who have the duty from 12:00 pm. “Haikel, please get a GrabCar while David went to the washroom. Haikel replied in slow motion while staring at the screen of his latest iPhone “yeah, I do”.


It is at 10:00 pm. David finished his work and came out from Pavilion, Bukit Bintang while waiting for Go KL bus at the bus stop. He saw different colors of Lamborghini sports cars in front of the Pavilion Elite building. So many tourists are taking selfies and photos while passing by that area. Two European tourists came and asked David, “Do these GOKL Buses go towards KLCC? David replied, “Yes, but not all”. An old person suddenly shouted, “These Go KL buses are only for local and international tourists, not for Bangladeshi, Indian workers”. David looked at the old person in the angry face but felt sorry by looking at his health condition. His age around 60 above most probably. A bus came and stopped at the bus stop in front of JW Marriott Hotel. Tourists, along with old person and David entered inside Bus. David felt sorry for this old person. This old person cannot live in this ground for so long. Not in Malaysia, he has to leave the world soon. How long David can live on this ground, this old person may not have time to spend that much time on this planet. Why does this old man behave like that at such age? David does not understand. God gives people a very short period of time compared to the age of the universe, but we do not give value and waste a lot. We cannot buy time once it is gone. David dropped off at the KLCC bus stop and was heading towards KLCC LRT station to get into Rapid KL train to reach his university campus.


David waked up in the morning at 8:00 am and opened his window and He saw a marvelous view of his campus with sunshine. The beautiful morning is smiling at his face it seemed to him. He went to the washroom to brush his teeth and finished his bath. He came back at room shortly, drank water, and took two pieces of biscuits. He dressed up nicely but did not use a comb. He hurried up to his class starting at 8:30 am. When he just entered the classroom, he was already 5 minutes late. He found the lecturer was advising students about being punctual. He sat at the back of the class. Suddenly he noticed a Muslim Malaysian Chinese girl is speaking with hijab, but exceptional than others in the class. From that day as the semester was going on, he had the opportunity to talk and work in the same group. Unlike other girls she was really frankly, talkative, open-minded always, and helpful to all it seemed to him. The word “love” seems unrealistic and funny to David, he thinks it is a silly thing to act. Stupid, lazy and emotional young people act like that way, but he also for the first time could not avoid. He went suddenly to Giant supermarket, bought Red Wine bottle, and drank recklessly while smoking with his other friends. He never consumed alcohol previously in his entire life, but this time he could not but drink alcohol just to experience different sentiment or perhaps to forget something knowing that this is nothing but just stupidity. He loved listening Indian Hindi songs from “Half Girlfriend” and “Aashiqui 2″movies while drinking,

“This companionship will not be there forever.

You would be somewhere, and I’d be somewhere else, but I will still love you”….”I am the evening of autumn…..

….. You are the new dawn.

……..You have to live without me”

He slept more than 14 hours. Luckily he had no class since it was the weekend.


Once semester ended and new semester began, David acted normal and forgot the previous girl almost. One night at his university hostel as he was reading Facebook newsfeed at his Huawei phone, he was hooked by an interesting news saying a girl student from the University of Dhaka committed suicide. He out of curiosity clicked the link. The news was basically saying a girl with multiple relationships was kind of neglected and humiliated by society and its people. Society and its people can give just stupid religious excuses and false hope of marriage in order to do backbiting and to use girls as the sexual object. Men are obsessed with sex while girls are obsessed with marriage. Even a boy and a girl are married. The girl often has to act like a slave with new family members to some extent, not all family obviously. The essence of love is lost that a boy and a girl expect after marriage. The way a boy and a girl appreciate an innocent dream of an ordinary life. Society does not tolerate them to beautify their ordinary love life. David was not sure why this girl committed suicide from the news, but it gave him the impression to think that it was kind of humiliation from the society which led this girl to have the urge about committing suicide.


David was thoughtful after reading the news. Muhammad mentioned that all sins are forgiven except the sin of associating partner, and God would destroy the nation if they stop doing sins, rather he would love to create such a nation who will do mistakes or sins and ask forgiveness from God. God loves that kind of activities. Why does society do backstabbing when a girl and a boy dream as they prefer? They have enough understanding of his or her personal life. Bangladesh is not an Islamic country, rather a democratic country. Whatever actions a young boy and a girl fix, they will be accountable with their God on the Day of Judgment if God really exits. Who the hell are these uneducated or educated stubborn parents, religious hypocrites and stupid political leaders of society when they are certain of nothing? David stopped thinking and went to pray night prayer at central Mosque of UIA, and took dinner from university canteen.

      David again initiated envisioning about his life when he was lying down at university stadium and staring at the nearby dark, scary and hunted mountain where he climbed and spent at night alone. Life is all about being patient, persistent at his or her goal and not breaking down in the difficult and hard situation and doing struggle until he or she is dead. Committing suicide won’t solve problem if god really exits, rather we need to be responsible for our every single action as Luqman was advising his son in Quran, “O my son, indeed if wrong should be the weight of a mustard seed and should be within a rock or [anywhere] in the heavens or in the earth, God will bring it forth. Indeed, God is Subtle and Acquainted.” And we should confess our sins to God always and should say sorry for our wrongdoings. Thus, God will definitely love us. In Islamic tradition, it is mentioned that a prostitute was forgiven and granted to enter paradise by God, just because she helped a dog to drink water when the dog was thirsty. We do not need to change our religion as long as we do not understand, rather we need to search for truth and truth will free us as bible states. In education and accepting truth, we should not have egocentric view which many academicians holds nowadays just because they have Ph.D. or any reputed degree in any related field and they start thinking that they have been something important, but universe does not care anyone’s existence and this is the real fact whether we like it or not. Einstein mentioned in his autobiographical book, “Academic chairs are many, but wise and noble teachers are few; lecture-rooms are numerous and large, but the number of young people who genuinely thirst after truth and justice is small.”


David came back to his room and he found it was dark inside his room, and he turned on the light and prepared his bed to sleep and he saw a book next to his pillow. He usually puts books next to his pillow to read sometimes. David turned off the light and went to bed. When his head touched the pillow and he turned his face and body towards the right side while put his left hand’s palm in between pillow and head, he suddenly started feeling unknown pain and tear dripping from his eyes. He uttered silently like Prophet Abraham, “God is enough as my guardian”, and subconsciously began beseeching in incoherent voice, “Where should I go leaving you my Lord? There is literally none except you in this world to give me a place”. 


David turned his face and body from right side to left side, and he put his right’s hand palm in between pillow and his head. His elbow touched something hard and he realized it is the book that he saw when he entered his room. He recalled that this is the book he borrowed from his university library and the title is “The Sayings of Muhammad” written by Abdullah Al-Mamun Suhrawardy. Did Leo Tolstoy really die with this book in the railway station in Russia? Why did Ramanujan, an Indian extraordinary and genius student in mathematics whom Thomas Hardy, Cambridge professor of mathematics, gave 100 out of 100 when Hardy gave himself a score of 25, allege, “An equation to me has no meaning unless it expresses a thought of God”? Why, according to Ar-Raheeq Al-Makhtum, did Muhammad try to commit suicide several times by jumping off from mountain during early revelation time? Why did Prophet Abraham prefer to commit suicide in fire despite having opportunities to get helped by others than God? David had to try to sleep in confusing mind, but he was discerning about the motto of a stubborn and a separated nation from the rest of the world, “In God We Trust”. Is it the ‘leap of faith’ of Kierkegaard? Dostoevsky’s picture of suffering of society. Jean Paul Sartre’s ‘existentialism is humanism’. Or is it Camus’s thought of meaninglessness absurdism. Or Nietzsche’s God is dead? Or Robert Frost’s ‘I do not go to church but I look at window? Or Do we believe God like limit pie irrational number? Destiny is lost. That’s our 21st century. This is all about existential pain. Random thoughts were going in David’s mind till he lost his sense in Freud’s unconscious mind.


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