Echoes of the Past

When she was barely 4 years old, her cousin Madhavi got married to Tarun. Mr. Tarun Mitra was a big man in a multinational company and was doing a high-paying job. In the late 1960s, nearly every household had a number of children. The Mitras had three sons and five daughters.

Madhavi was docile and a quiet lady, and most of the time she spent in her temple room or otherwise, it was not her cup of tea to manage so many children, though she had a team of servants working for her.

Tarun’s children were mediocre, though they all had talent in some field or another. But as it goes, you need the children to be put in the right channel.

Pankaj was extremely fond of cricket, and if his father had given the boy the opportunity, he certainly would have done well. His father had money to keep a good coach for him. But Mitras and especially the father had the old school of thoughts. Tarun had only two things in mind: either a doctor or an engineer. Pankaj was now preparing for his board exams and was a boy of 15. The other two boys were small and went to kindergarten.

The girls did attend school, but they had just passing marks, and their parents were getting them ready for marriage. Every month when the class test results were out and the report card was to be signed by parents, Pankaj used to get frightened, but his father used to catch hold of his son, and seeing the poor marks in the science subjects, he could not control his anger. He used to lock the door and beat Pankaj mercilessly. Once, he hit him on the head with blood oozing out, but still, his anger never went away.

His mother used to run down the lane and inform her mother and brothers to break open the door. In Passant, Tarun’s in-laws stayed down the lane, just a 5-minute walk from his house. Tarun’s mother-in-law and his brothers-in-law banged on the door hard when Tarun reluctantly opened it. Once, there was a big cut on Pankaj’s forehead, and he had to be taken to the family doctor for stitches.

Pankaj never became a doctor or an engineer, and somehow he had passed his class X, so in a shoe shop, he worked as a cashier. He sometimes had severe headaches, but the others took it lightly. When Pankaj was 29, he got married to a girl chosen by his parents. Slowly, the headaches increased, and when he stepped into his 40s, the headaches became intolerable. Meanwhile, the Mitras had grown old and, one by one, left the world.

One day, Pankaj’s wife took him to the doctor, where an MRI was done and he was put on medication. Pankaj, because of his failing health, couldn’t continue with his job and left work. His two children had to be put in schools with lower tuition fees. The only thing that he was blessed with was his rich father’s house which was divided and they had a house to live in.

Pankaj

Pankaj was a shaken man and had nothing to look forward to. What was his fault? He loved to play cricket, but his father wished for something else. His brothers were also mediocre, and they all had fear in them from childhood. So, none of them had good personalities, and the odd part is that they all looked down while walking or speaking to anyone.

A few written words

Those children who had to face struggles and were victims of maltreatment should be good and understanding when they become parents. The mistakes their parents made to rectify and bring up their children in a healthy environment Parents, especially the mother, should have conversations with their children and learn from them what subjects they are interested in, how their teachers are doing, and if any of them are facing troubles that could be solved together.

I once visited the Chatterjees and was greatly impressed to see the lady behave with her children. At the dinner table, both parents asked the little ones, ‘Well, how was your day’? If one said that he found math to be hard and his tables went wrong and the other one found Geography hard, the mother first made the tables easy by singing right from 2 one ja 2 till 2 ten ja, and when the child missed, she used to show them with her fingers, and this way the child soon picked up all the tables till the 10. Later the father brought a big map and showed the child the rivers countries lakes oceans, the grand Himalayas, other mountains, etc. Both the children were happy, and after their food, they went to sleep. Parents should guide their children and not force anything on them. Any line they wish to go, then let them, and if parents feel the child’s decision is wrong, then make him or her realize it by giving proper advice.

Parents should never raise their children in fear. Then children hide many things from their parents. Teach the child using the method of love and play, and they should learn to be independent. Parenting is an art.

Raise Awareness

I have seen wrong parenting, and all parents expect their children to stand first. They make the child mug up the subjects without understanding what they have read. Come what may, the child has to stand first. These parents need counseling. If all stand first, then who will come second?

Lastly, parents need to be patient. Listen to your child, as they have many things to say.