Cuz I Fear [3# Hell Being It!]

*****Reality flooded, the whole shedded.*****
Night 9:45

SUCH Q'S I HOPE TO ASK, BUT NOT MY WILL REALLY.

 Sitting in the corner. Faded by thoughts. Depressed by feelings, running throughout. Almost 100 calculations did - but call ruined out. Found, it's waste of time when I stand for Struggling to show the feelings out. Coming through the eyes - So hot! Praying to the god, for a STOP, But nothing better happened, since all fate. No words to say, except wit telling them its ENOUGH. What a life ??? with these many blocks.

Visions, Trying to break out. But it can't CUZ I FEAR! CUZ I FEAR!
CUZ I ONLY FEAR! 

 If my father call me - I Fear! ( 100% he will notice my mistake and only call me for scolding)
 For a public speaking - I Fear!
 When I try to Not - I Fear!
 For my future condition- I Fear!
 If my parents peep in the book when i write this lage - I Fear!

 
I REALLY TRY TO NOT !!! BUT FEEL IT, WHY ???

Did you hope will I do that??? (Ie, i suicide myself???)

I have a dream - I KNOW
I have to study - I KNOW
I have a futrire - I KNOW
I have my parents - I KNOW
I have my Bro - I KNOW
I have my friends - I KNOW

I hope, that I never do my visions (or) even try it, till I knew these!

The only thing I can do is to tell them to stop & screaming that It's ENOUGH!

[BACK TO THE GAME]

Thinking about suicide it easy but the outcome I aim for, after is quite difficult to come as existence.

Feared - that my vision may come to existence, if it (they) destroy my personality or break my presence (consiousness).

I WILL REALLY TRY NOT DO !!! BUT IT MIGHT DO, HOW???

The only think I can do is too.... sit aside and hope for better side (future). So, I will never hide at any corners anymore!

Dimmer with thoughts, faded by visions; rusted by fights, cracked by spicy words, crushed by fate, rushed by soul - NO WONDER! 

WHAT?? I DO.....¡!! I DO?? WHAT??¡!!

I see! it never ever end as a loop. I see! them being together by the next day. But my feelings never will. How?? to make them aside? (Or) to put them out my memories¿ I ask???

I'M A HUMAN, NOT A MACHINE!!! I SAY.

Is my Fear really helps (or)......


Am I ruling it (or)......

If it's me!!!
Then, WHY I FEAR - FOR MY FEAR ITSELF ???
I TRY TO NOT CUZ I FEAR !!! OF WHAT ???