You Said I'll Die Lonely

You said I'll die lonely, empty and probably without love.

Someday, somewhere when I take my last insignificant breath, the world still will go on spinning without missing a beat.

And miserable things will still happen to good people.

And I agree with you because I know you're right.

Maybe I chose this path for myself or maybe I was always headed towards a lonely life, and an even lonelier ending.

But can I just tell you that I don't want it? Don't you think I also want a clichéd ending?

Don't you think I also want to be surrounded by people who pretended to love me when I couldn't even look at myself?

But I've seen too many lips, trembling and fumbling and too many hands, shaking but not holding.

I've had too many scars, not healing, too many nights, not dreaming.

And I can go on explaining to you how messed up I am in different metaphors but I'm tired.

I'm tired of talking about myself in different words, I'm tired of explaining in various phrases why I'm not happy.

I'm tired of listening to your terrible self-help quotes that don't help anymore.

And at times when you're sitting next to me, I ask myself if this is how life feels like, the warmth, the calmness, the feeling that there's something real.

But loneliness awaits me on my door and I don't know when it'll call me home.

I've lost countless people.

Some friends, some family, some strangers I opened up to.

And my father never embraced me or held me close.

So I flinch away when you talk about love and I make fun of you for believing in forevers and infinities.

And perhaps one day, we will drift apart and never find our way back to each other.

So yes, maybe I'll die alone.

Alone in my apartment with not a single soul to grieve over my last breath or pray me a heaven.

So stay for a while.

Run your fingers through my hair and caress my cheeks.

Kiss my lips and sing me to sleep.

Tell me your secrets and I'll tell you mine.

Show me all your colours and I'll show you mine.

Because someday you'll leave and I'll run back our memories, listen to your favourite songs and that's how it'll be.