Vertical but I'd Rather Not

Vertical I stand

But I would opt otherwise

I would, if I could

And maybe I can.

No one asked me if I want to be born

We have little to no say

Of our lives

We don’t have right over our breath

We only have control

Over our death.

Vertical I stand

But I’d rather not

I wanted to be remembered

But now I’d rather be a life forgot.

You with your disapproving expression

Hatred in your eyes

That you pierce into me

With a searing stare

I want to believe that you care

But in my belief there is an irreparable tear

You tore it to shreds

Every breathing moment

You made me feel that the moment would be better

If I wasn’t breathing.

Your voice

The way it is steady even when you shout

My eyes fill up and I quiver

And you

Don’t even budge

As you watch me break

Not once did your eyes

Show hesitation

As my eyes rolled up

And you choked life out of me

Not once did your speech falter

When you asked me to kill myself

And here I feel guilty

Even writing these words

Maybe I deserve this

Maybe I do

You have me drowning in self doubt

And wondering if my existence is true

I am drowning now

Suffocating under this weight

Asphyxiated and blue

Will someone resuscitate?

Is there a DNR sign stamped on my head?

Will you do something now or 

Will you just stand there and watch me drop dead?