The deception of a soul

I am pretending,

Like the ocean standstill,

abiding my life in a nutshell,

It aches to smile as everyone does,

It saddens to carry on like everyone else

Pretending to hate the monsters,

While idolizing their shadows,

I obey the rules,

overdo the good deeds,

Yet, I like it when I curse,

Love it when I scream and shout, 

I pretend to be in control,

inside my head, 

there is a volcano looking to burst,

I pretend to be happy,

While I would weep for an eternity,

I pretend to dream every day,

While my quests are nothing but to perish,

I pretend to like the darkness,

While I search for the light in the wilderness

It's just too damn tough to rise,

Dressed in your insecurities,

It's just too damn difficult,

To survive every day like a gadget, 

Cheating myself to look at the world

The lives surrounded in a dead-end,

disgusted to hear my dark secrets,

powerless to the feelings that escape, 

Have no peace over my outrage,

Perhaps it's because I am imprisoned,

In heaven with a horrible soul,

The upbringing halt me from going lunatics,

Can't put up with being nice for sure,

Don't have the stomachs to betray anymore,