Please Forgive Me

Walking down the aisle,

I should have felt elated,

But all I felt was despair,

In me, I felt only hated.

I felt numb,

I felt paralyzed,

I didn't feel like moving forward,

I was utterly depressed and terrorized.

All around me was happiness,

But it didn’t reach me,

All I could feel was the sorrow,

Of that one person, who was absentee!!!

I felt guilty,

I could only cry,

Because I have left the person I love,

And have said to him, "goodbye".

I love him more than anything,

I want to be with only him,

But I don’t have the courage in me,

To defy my family's whim.

I want to fly away,

I want to leave this society,

I just want to be with him,

And leave this numbness and anxiety.

I raise my eyes upwards,

In a silent prayer to god,

Like Draupadi prayed to Krishna,

Waiting to get out of this pod.

I feel like I have cheated on him,

By not being brave enough,

I should have fought more vehemently,

From my family, & told them bluntly,

“I will not succumb to your desires, I have my own life."