Desires are Infinite

“Am I the happiest person in the world?”

 I asked myself a thousand times

 In the middle of the night,

 in a crowded club,

Sitting with friends and strangers.

I laughed like crazy,

As if there were no tomorrow.

Someone asked me,

 “Are you the happiest person alive?”

I remember—

I couldn’t stop laughing.

The echoes hit the walls,

A chorus of endless laughter:

 “Ha… ha… ha…”

But in that cold, stagnant room,

I knew myself more than anyone else.

Inside me,

 There was a mountain of sorrow.

 Stress.

Tension.

Psychic trauma.

Dreams too heavy for my small life.

 I wanted new jeans, Stylish tops,

Shoes, sunglasses,

 A camera to travel the world

And capture every emotion.

I wanted to buy my love

A hundred beautiful dresses.

I wanted a dream home.

I wanted to send my child

For higher studies.

 I wanted luxurious trains,

Aeroplanes,

 Countless money

filling my bank account.

Desires…

Madness…

 When God sent me into this world,

Perhaps He filled me

With natural desires.

 But this world—

This world is a market.

 A market flirting with my soul,

Pulling me toward material things.

 And I fell for it.

Then I heard Buddha whisper:

“This world is full of sorrow.

 Desires are the cause of suffering.

 Leave your endless wants behind.”

 But how can I understand this deeply?

I cannot become Buddha.

I am chained to worldly things.

I cover my pain with makeup,

Hide my pimples with powder,

 Colour my lips

While reading books about philosophy

And self-realisation.

 I try to control my worldly desires,

 Yet my heart keeps wandering

Through the noisy market of life.

 The last page of the book said:

 “Moksha.”

 But even then,

Desires remained infinite.