Anxieties

Lately, life has been like tangled earphones,

And sleep is no longer an escape,

Intrusive thoughts creep in while,

You sit in your room, pretending to study while you breakdown,

Knowing there was mourn, and when it wasn't, you know that your people were forlorn,

Asking for help in their quietude, but you sit there paralysed by your anxieties

Your mind taking you to places forbidden.

When you feel your heart pounding, your mind so blank, yet

A hundred thoughts racing your mind like the molecules colliding in a box,

And invisible hands throttling your neck.

When that pen is massive to hold but you want to do it anyway,

Perfecting formulae, but it was always "what if you're abandoned? Past rewritten? "

And never v=v'*z²/n.

Eyes only moist, fearing that tears could set off what has been bottled up,

Wanting to give in but didn't... Till you were finally out of all fuel.

Gone are the days when you would skip the 2 stairs to reach the floor

Paddle that pink cycle your dad gifted, feel the pleasant wind past your soul

Seemingly that wind just transforms into a dusty gale

Shutting you in till you find tranquility in the dark.

Like the mist on your car's windscreen,

A delusion, you see what it wants you to

Moments of paranoia, like the fate is against you, wondering if you are too?

Like a person on the cliff..you never know- will you fall? or survive?

Like that devil who swears that he would return to quench his unfulfilled lust to feed on the knight's pain,

Something so vigorous yet so phlegmatic, born out of you

Built up of all the secrets and the melancholic chapters of life that you veiled from your pneuma,

And have never revisited since...Until

It recurred, not as a reality, but something worse- worse because it haunts you every day, every night

like a disease that relapsed.

Moments flashing in your brain, until your existence is only physical.

A dementor that only became stronger and stronger

Day by day, and you try to push it away until you discover

It is nothing, but a horcrux of you

Perchance trying to be your guardian angel for your younger self but alchemizing into

That injured were wolf, who doesn't see anything but the threat,

Like the people who saw an earthquake, and have lost their sleep since then

Living in the fears of another one.

Embrace all the scars that you've always wanted to hide

You are the mother of their compilation that took birth as the child

With all the unsettled questions still lingering in her brain

The unheard voice, to what you always did was abstain.

Your life is a simulation

Or perhaps a novel someone's reading

You're the one who endowed it with its essence-the protagonist,

But antagonist? Is it you or is it life? You get to decide.

You don't know if it's worth the fight, but there's light- your dad's smile, those fights with your sis, the voice of that friend you always rant to

You are the saviour you never had.