I am a 25-year-old guy from the capital of India. You can call me a typical Delhiite who believes that bread and butter is Indian breakfast and the big brands are big prides! But there is a person inside me keeps telling what I believe is not right and he belongs to the roots where my parents hailed from – the beautiful, untouched, virgin mountain ranges of Himalayas. I know deep inside that somewhere what I see as fancy and fascinating is not real. Indeed, I am torn between two worlds - a very modern and mighty monetary ruling world and a very basic, simple and serene natural world.
I love crispy bread toast and butter with a hot ginger tea for breakfast. If you ask me if it is a healthier breakfast than any Indian breakfast, I have no answer because I am rationale enough to differentiate what is healthy and not healthy. Again I didn’t mention good and bad because there is no such thing called good and bad or right and wrong. Perception, situation and time decide them. For instance, when we evolved as homo-sapiens, night is a bad thing as we were not equipped to see in the night. In a different perspective being blind in darkness leads us to find light. No one ever can tell what is right or good and wrong or bad. Most of the times, I am confused about the way the world works and lose myself in thoughts and so I think I am more mature than my age group people.
But, there is the other side of me which most of them characterise me: I take in life as it is; I never add extra meaning to any moment or event. Being born as an elder son in a joint family setup in a middle-class society of Delhi pushes me to work hard to take my family status to higher level. So, I rarely stand and stare at the beauty of a moment or waste my time on cherishing the past. I am very practical, fast and realistic. I have no time for drama or trauma. I never plunge into people or place or things emotionally. I like to be loved but I can’t completely invest my emotions on a single person. Indeed, my priorities are very practical and simple - wealth and health. I did have a dream to attain them through a better means but sadly it didn’t work for me in spite of my maximum efforts. Of course, my character that I want everyone to perceive does have its benefits. The corporate world needs such enthusiastic, fast and practical youth. So, wherever I go for work, I adapt and adopt easily. My managers appreciate my diligent and timely performances. I never allow the confused and thoughtful me to overpower. I rarely let him out.
It’s my autobiography and so I have the liberty to boast myself. I have never behaved ill-mannered to anyone. I might show some attitude and egoistic domination with some people to make sure that they stay away from my boundaries. But even to them, I show gentlemanly manners. I don't understand how a man cannot be gentle to a lady. Holding a door or a bag or giving a jumper for cold to a lady is basic manners of a man according to me. I don’t care whether she deserves it or not but I believe I am not an ill-mannered male to behave inconsiderate to the other gender. Of course, women generally like me for my manners and courtesy. I do like women invariably – some just for their looks and prettiness, some for their filthy language and transparency, some for their emotional weaknesses and stupidity, and a very few for their intellectual stability and knowledge. I am a man at the prime of my youth and so I love all kinds of women for different reasons. I befriend many women but I never let lose myself; truly I know to keep my reins tight. Also, I never judge a person or dig his or her past when I befriend them. I go with my gut. I am not bothered about the intricacies or complications in their lives. Indeed, I listen to them due to my basic character being gentle to others. But, I don’t invest emotionally at all. Mostly, I am superficial to many of my friends and love to booze, dance and be in the lights and loudness. To be exact, I have many friends who can keep my weekends happening and fun. That’s the benefits of being a typical Delhiite. Seeing girls boozing is not new to me and so I am not appalled like most south Indian youngsters who are still fighting to come out of their conservative brought up. I have no ill-opinion about drinking nevertheless drinking women. I like drinking light once in a while with cool people. I don’t see things in gender-specific generally and so I don’t mind girls drinking and having fun. In fact, I like women who are self-decisive, open-minded, and independent. I admire when women are stable even after taking neat shots.
You guys must be wondering whether I have any love story to be shared or not. After introducing my friendly nature with all women, you should be thinking that I am a happy-go-lucky guy who doesn’t have any worries. Whenever the Delihiite me is up and active, the rustic wanderer me of Himalayan ranges is dozed. Mostly, the Delihiite makes sure to keep the rustic wanderer suppressed. After exhaustive week days and happening weekends, somewhere deep inside, I do feel the superficiality of the things I have been doing. That’s the problem with me, I hate when the rustic wanderer wakes up. I am so fond of animals and I trust them more than any human being. Because, I learned my lessons that if I invest emotionally on human beings, it is proved to be waste of time and energy. Indeed, no one can love anyone unconditionally. In the society I live, one’s success is measured with a stable profession and income. At least, I feel I am not successful enough to take up a serious relationship and so I love with conditions that until I reach high in the success yardstick of my society, I will not commit myself or emotionally invest myself in a relationship. But, I do have a few girl friends, whom I respect for accepting me to invest their emotions on me and I am truly thankful to them.
I met a girl who has touched the rustic me. But unfortunately she has completely friend-zoned me. It is unethical to describe a woman whom I can never ever woo. So, to keep it short, the rustic I fall for a real girl who is not at all artificial, who is so stunning and beautiful with so much originality. She perceives things so poetically and in multiple hues through her artistic eyes. All I can do is happy to be a forever friend of hers.
End of the day, how-much-ever I fight, I am a modern, fun-loving dude by deliberate and conscious choice. I prefer not to have drama or trauma! I can roll with the flow and be a star always. Indeed, I have too many untold sorrows and pains within me arrested along the Himalyan wanderer. Some nights, a melody resonates from deep within... I feel so empty and lost; self pity dominates. I become restless and I write to let the wanderer vent out. Thus, my story could have been spicier and juicier and very adventurous if the Delihiite in me dominates my writing. Of course, ‘F’ word would be in surplus. But, this story is more about the internal war and the roaring noise when the whole around me is in silence.