Paradox

I cry through my laughter and

Laugh through my tears.

I give up when I'm not supposed to

And I hold on when I should not.

I crave for someone's shoulder,

Yet I push them all away.

I wish people would recognize my pain,

Yet I die to put my facade on.

I want to be alone

But I breakdown when I get lonely.

All I need is someone who would hold me,

Yet I've been pretending I don't need them.

Why?

Why am I like this?

Why is my existence nothing but

A mere paradox in itself?

Why is it like I don't want to breath,

Yet I want to feel alive?

I look for reasons to blame myself

And then for escape routes and something else

I try and fail, I cry in shame,

Even when things go right I let it out a wail.

Emotionally flawed, forever alone,

Wishing there was someone at home.

The classic "I'm fine" or a series of lies,

Confused about 'why's of life'.

Thinking I'm great, thinking I'm not

But always thinking a lot.

Putting out fires while causing new burns,

When will I ever learn?

Existence is so overrated,

There's so much to hate

But searching for new thrills every day.

Morbid curiosity, fatal mistakes,

A history of always being late

Why am I like this, wish I was more

But always walking into open doors.

Not so different, are we?