The Woman I Am

The woman I'm expected to be, and the woman I strive to be, stand miles apart. 

The woman I'm expected to be walks hurriedly in a short dress, uncomfortable with the hungry eyes leering at her, drops everything to reach home 'safe' before 10, and constantly struggles to cope with the varying standards of beauty set by others.

She shudders at the thought of violence against many like her, and can't express her pain freely without being labeled as a fake/pseudo feminist, a misogynist, a male basher-hater, and after arguing once or twice with people that don't see what she sees, understand what she and thousands like her go through, she gives up. 

She's asked to cover her collar, pull up her sleeves, cross her legs and wax her legs, and she does it. She's asked to be lady like, stand lady like, sit lady like and she does it, all.

After being followed and pranked and stalked and groped, after being called a whore/slut by people her own age, she was required to stay away from them, to wear a longer skirt to school and button up her shirt to a point where she couldn't breathe, she wasn't supposed to distract those predators- it was held to be her fault for encouraging them with her 'sultry' appearances.

The woman I am, is afraid of being bitten and the woman I strive to be- strolls with a 'bite me' sign around her neck. 

The woman I strive to be wears her heart out on her sleeve, glides in a short dress staring right back into the gawking eyes, doesn't ever look up to check the time- no matter how late it gets, is fucking goddamn beautiful the way she is, speaks up when her thoughts are disregarded for being too feminist, barks NO at everything that has the potential of hurting her, she decides what's ladylike for her and she does it, she fights back and the ones that hurt her are the ones who are afraid of preying on her or anyone in the same way.

The woman I'm expected to be, fights to survive, and the woman I strive to be fights to live.

The woman I am, is somewhere stuck in the middle, managing to survive, dying to live.

They both stand, not miles apart, but worlds apart, and it has made all the difference.