Wishing on shooting stars fails you
It's like making a wish every time the clock strikes 11:11
And spending a lifetime for it to come true.
Suddenly you want to believe in stories you previously thought were stupid
You find yourself reading about reincarnations
Anything to fix your broken beyond heart
Because you weren't supposed to part
Not yet anyway.
You find it hard to look at people who share the same name
You find it hard to explain to people why you can't go to funerals
You can't explain why certain songs break your heart
You wish upon the moon following your car.
"Bring him back,
That's all I ask"
But that's just it, isn't it?
There's no coming back from where he went
Because he wasn't Jesus
Just an ordinary guy who took his own life
Leaving so many to mourn
And even though I've grown a lot since he left
Tints of sadness and anger hang over my head like a big black cloud
It's raining on the inside.
Somedays I'm fine,
He doesn't even cross my mind
But then there are days where the drop of a hat makes me cry
And the most random things take me back
To the bottom of the staircase
Leading up to the memorial
My hands begin to shake
As evidently as his mother's cries that day.
I want to go back in time and pick up the phone every time he called
I want to tell him not to leave
If for nothing else,
But for the mother who didn't cry at all up until to the point
Where that was all she could do
And for the grandfather who stood in front of a crowd
Thanking everyone who came
And for the brother who had to stay strong.
For the friends who didn't believe it was goodbye
Who kept hoping for a miracle
Who started praying in the God they didn't believe
Just for one last glance
For a way to properly say goodbye.