Untimely Goodbye

Wishing on shooting stars fails you 

It's like making a wish every time the clock strikes 11:11 

And spending a lifetime for it to come true. 

Suddenly you want to believe in stories you previously thought were stupid 

You find yourself reading about reincarnations

Anything to fix your broken beyond heart 

Because you weren't supposed to part

Not yet anyway. 

You find it hard to look at people who share the same name 

You find it hard to explain to people why you can't go to funerals 

You can't explain why certain songs break your heart 

You wish upon the moon following your car. 

"Bring him back,

That's all I ask"

But that's just it, isn't it?

There's no coming back from where he went 

Because he wasn't Jesus 

Just an ordinary guy who took his own life 

Leaving so many to mourn 

And even though I've grown a lot since he left 

Tints of sadness and anger hang over my head like a big black cloud 

It's raining on the inside. 

Somedays I'm fine,

He doesn't even cross my mind 

But then there are days where the drop of a hat makes me cry 

And the most random things take me back 

To the bottom of the staircase 

Leading up to the memorial 

My hands begin to shake 

As evidently as his mother's cries that day. 

I want to go back in time and pick up the phone every time he called 

I want to tell him not to leave 

If for nothing else, 

But for the mother who didn't cry at all up until to the point

Where that was all she could do 

And for the grandfather who stood in front of a crowd 

Thanking everyone who came 

And for the brother who had to stay strong. 

For the friends who didn't believe it was goodbye 

Who kept hoping for a miracle 

Who started praying in the God they didn't believe 

Just for one last glance 

For a way to properly say goodbye.