The Girl I Used To Be

Where have I gone? This is not me

Where is the girl, who I used to be

Merely a ghost of my former self

Completely torn apart by my mental health

Now self loathing for what I have become

Medicated everyday, I feel completely numb

My life is not the same, and neither am I

I am utterly frustrated, yet cannot even cry

The doctor said I'm getting better; then why do I feel this way?

He tells me I will improve, slowly day by day

But this is not my life, that I once had before

For all that I've suffered, I'm broken to the core

I will never understand why it had to be me

Where did I go wrong? This I just cannot see

My self confidence is shattered like a pane of glass

So dif

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ficult to put back together, a near impossible task

I am anxious everyday, and it leaves me with such fear

That the old, may never reappear

Mental illness and trauma simply drove me insane

Oh Lord please tell me I will be myself again

I used to be so bright and confident and nothing could strike me down

But for all that I have suffered, its not surprising I had s breakdown

The fact I am still standing, I admit too immense strength

This I can take pride in, not many could go the whole length

Suicide was once my ideation, but this I have now beaten

Even though I am not myself, I am not completely defeated

Dear Lord, where have I gone? This is not me

Where is the girl, who I used to be