Buy Me Some Silence

I thought I was growing into a maniac,

So I gave my make-believe hack

One last chance.

Tuned into my favorite FM,

And loitered endlessly on my news feed.

I hit a few likes,

And some random "hahas".

I knew this could work,

The last time it did,

When I was this close

To earning the sick- unsocial tag.

It had then took me a month,

To fancy up my wall with

A black display pic;

With a not-so-desperate sounding bio,

And a cover pic exhaling philanthropy.

Which in turn had inhaled,

One hour of Google surfing,

Coupled in with two hours of caption pondering.

But this time it's difficult;

Maybe because I am twenty-four.

But I also fear I will grow into twenty-five,

And that kids would call me "Auntie";

Who isn't even cool enough with being called one.

So I plug in my spea

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kers,

Level up the volume,

I watch videos,

Post stories.

Bucket up more "hahas"

And level up the volume

Until my ears bleed out of pain,

And my eyes lose vision.

I turn deaf,

I turn blind,

I smile

On finding the happiness;

That I was in a frantic search of.

I finally bought myself:

Some silence,

Some;

If not all

As I am still able

To feel hands clutching onto mine,

And thoughts dribbling in my mind.

I try to sleep,

Buy myself some more silence.

I smile as I drown,

I laugh as I sink,

I pass out.

Not for forever,

But only to wake up

To a phone beep after

seventy two breathful hours.

"You there, we miss you," reads the text message.

"Of course there!" I reply back,

And bamm

The phone beeps for seventy one times more.