The "Paavam" Dilemma

Embarked on a journey to callous bliss,

You encountered men, for a laugh or a night’s kiss,

And many they were, up until now,

Living by the day, you reaped what you sow,

Estranged as they might be, hit or a miss,

You seduced each one of them, with your lusty hiss,

And soon came the day, when you could gauge,

Who were the wankers, the humanly doable, the hotties, and the notorious sage,

Not that any of it made a difference to you,

As you were mystical enough, 

To choose, who you want to do,

Within minutes you decide,

If he is “Mr. Right” or “Mr. Get off my sight,”

Knowing your expertise and slim picking approach,

I shit you not, my life lessons went out the window; making me feel like a roach,

Yet I tried, to make an impression on our first date, 

I’d not be surprised if I failed with a clean slate,

But moments later,

The fear flew far away,

I had nothing to lose,

Nothing for which I would later pay,

So I unravel the true me to you, 

Fearless and bold,

A privy play-buddy, 

An amalgamation of kink, warmth, and cold,

Now I come to think, regardless of how I define myself, 

What do you think?

As the fears climb its way up to my mind, I ask,

In the lists you make, of the gems and the fake,

Where am I ranked? Which do I fall under?

Would I be the hotty hot, the brainy brain,

Or the big fucking blunder?