You Were Never Mine

It was 10 in the night and I was sitting all alone in my printing press office. If my mother hadn’t called me a few minutes back, I wouldn’t even have realized the time. The press was running into losses from the last few months and I had many reasons to worry. But I wasn’t even thinking about it since I saw her again this afternoon. Yogita. The girl who had been on my mind since an eternity. Every time I saw her, it felt like I was seeing her for the very first time in my life. Nothing much had changed in the last 3 years. I was a loser back then just as I was now. She hadn’t changed a bit, except the fact that she had gained a little weight. Dressed in a simple red shirt and black jeans, she looked stunning. Yogita had never needed any make up to look beautiful. Yet, the slight make up on her face enhanced her beauty even further.

The mangal sutra placed on her elegant neck, her red bangles and the sindoor on her forehead were enough proof that she was now married. She and her husband walked hand-in-hand happily on the street while I merely looked on like a child who had lost his favorite toy. Once I had seen her till my heart’s contentment, I turned my eyes towards her husband. He was handsome indeed. Maybe a 100 times better looking than me. He didn’t catch me staring at them but Yogita did. Our eyes must have locked for a few seconds or more. The moment she saw me, the smile on her face vanished and she ignored me as if I just didn’t exist. As if was a nobody. It felt miserable. It didn’t feel that bad when she had slapped me or when she had yelled at me on the top of her voice. Maybe I was that chapter in her life that she didn’t want to read again.

When she had had enough of my constant suspicions and abuse, she decided to break all ties with me. I always suspected that Yogita’s boss had a thing for her and she too had a thing for him. An average looking guy just couldn’t tolerate the presence of good looking men around his pretty girlfriend. I repeatedly fought with her and abused her for the same. Every time I argued with her, I made sure I said sorry after some time. She forgave me always. But there is a limit to one’s tolerance and self respect. I took her for granted thinking that she would always forgive me no matter how badly I behaved. I was a fool to think so low about her. Had she been cheating on me with her boss, she would have been married to him now and not that other guy whom I knew nothing about. Why the hell was I so insecure about our relationship? Despite knowing that Yogita’s love for me was pure and unconditional. My average looks never bothered her. They bothered me.

After breaking up with me, she ignored all my calls and text messages for weeks. I couldn’t control my emotions. Hence, I stalked her everywhere possible. On social media. Her office. Her gym. Wherever Yogita went, I followed her like a shadow. If that wasn’t enough, I ended up in a drunken state at her home one day and abused her in front of her parents. Yogita tried her best to control the situation but I refused to budge. She slapped me hard twice. Her words still echo in my ears, her slap leaving me stunned.

“I am not your private property, Manish. You have no right to treat me like trash. I was never yours. You were never mine. You lost me the day you started suspecting me. I was always loyal to you. Yet you never trusted me. Honestly, I’ve had enough of your irrational behavior and I don’t have the strength to tolerate you anymore. Please leave me alone.”

That was the last time I saw her until today. Three years have passed since then. It still seems like yesterday though. It is clear that Yogita has moved on. I haven’t. I curse myself every single day. I dragged myself away from my thoughts and locked my office door, making my way towards home.