You're My Light

 

Present

I sensed that there was something wrong these past few weeks...

But still ignored it, Ignoring the signs was my biggest mistake ever. If I knew that my ignorance would cause me to lose the love my life, I would've done anything, anything, to save it.

So here's my story,

Few weeks before

It's almost winter in a few weeks, I can't wait to spend it with s/o (significant other). I was sitting comfortably in my couch covered with warm blankets, and a cup of warm hot chocolate in my hands watching a movie playing in front of me.

I was feeling absolutely cozy, under the soft blankets and a fire place on my left side. After a few mins I finished my hot chocolate, I didn't want to get up from the couch, but I had to, to keep the mug in the kitchen. When I entered the kitchen, I saw all those pictures of us hanging inside a frame on the wall. I fell into admiration without knowing it.... Going back to all those days, when we were young and still teenagers, and how we laughed at everything and enjoyed our time without giving a thing about what the world is going on about.

It was just me and him for me in this whole world.

Now its all different than what we were in the past... we barely have time for each other now, it makes me feel empty, I don't feel like eating, nor doing anything.

Just what is this?

I can't help but feel so empty inside, my heart is missing him, my heart needs him the most in this world.

Unknowingly hot tears roll down my eyes, I stand there standing in one place, staring at the beautiful pictures, only to break me more. How does one gets so weak in front of love, is it that obvious that I can't live without him?

I'm feeling this piercing pain in my chest thinking about if he doesn't care about me anymore, if he doesn't admire all those memories we made together when we were young, if he doesn't love me anymore.

I fall to the ground, eyes wide open and tears rolling down constantly, if thinking about this makes me heart clench then what will happen if its true.

No, I have to think positive, for now at least, we all have our own worries, I can't be too selfish right now, He's probably working hard right now, I should too. With that I head back towards the couch and lay down flat on my back, staring at the ceiling, thinking that I should probably do some work too, but My body's agreeing to the opposite.

After thinking for some time, I dozed off to sleep.

After 2 hours

I woke up to the cold feeling around my feet, which was caused by the blanket that fell of my body while I was turning and rolling around in my sleep. I get up lazily, and chuckled, thinking that I slept for such a long time on the couch. I stretch my body out after getting out of the couch and yawn heavily, tears coating my eyes.

I rub my eyes slowly and lazily, as my arms and legs feel heavy somehow, after all this, I head to my work space, aka office room situated in my house.

I had a laidback job, and I mostly had to work from home, so its not stressful but the amount of work I get is insane.

Its evening right now, and I am back to work, honestly, I feel like I'm going to have my eyesight checked, since the screen time is too much for me these days, and people rely on me too much, even though I am reliable, and have their trust, it doesn't mean that I don't have a limit.

Fuck this, I'm tired just thinking about it, I'll just complete all this, and then take my leave for the day.

After 3 hours

"Yessss I'm finally done!!!" I shouted in relief. "I'm so tired with all this shit, why are people so reliant on the others?!?! ugh."

I look at the clock hanging on the wall and sigh. "Its already dinner time, and I have nothing prepared. Why is today so difficult?"

Before heading to the kitchen, I pass down to my bathroom, to take a quick shower. I prepare the warm water for my bath, after some time, I strip out of my clothes, and sit peacefully in the bath.

I sighed in comfort, I felt so warm and pleasant in the exotic bath filled with the soft scent of the bath salt. Its been so long since I relaxed like this, alone.

After the bath, I eventually head towards the kitchen to prepare my dinner. I started chopping some veggies and cook all that along with the meat. I set the timer to thirty minutes, and sit on the counter, scrolling through social media, but what caught my eye left me broken. In a photo post, it was s/o with some guys and a girl who was holding his arm, not to mention standing extremely close to him, which is not at all, friend-likely.

I look at the caption of the post, the account was not his, but the girl's. She had captioned it as

"Spending the eve with some friends and one special person ;)"

I felt a sharp pain in my chest that was tearing me apart, Its very obvious by the looks of it, but my heart doesn't seem to agree to it. It just doesn't feel real. This just feels so implausible.

The timer suddenly rings causing me to snap out of my notions, I hurry to the kitchen and serve myself the dinner along with a glass of red wine. I place my plate and the glass on the dining table, and sit there stunned, my brain wasn't able to process what I had just seen.

I start to eat and think to myself,

"Just wait for another month till its winter, he'll come."

And with that last thought I finished my meal, and head to the bedroom to get a good amount of sleep. I prepare my bed and soon doze-off to sleep.

After a whole month

After waiting for a whole month, its finally winters, to think of it, time goes by fast. I have been working hours and hours trying to distract myself from that unknown girl's posts, she's been posting about s/o each and every day, its like she knows that I'm keeping a watch on her. Even if she does know, aren't I just fulfilling her wishes. Tch. This is annoying.

I've been waiting for winters to come for a whole ass month, and now its finally here!!

I'm so excitedd, its the month of December and, s/o promised to visit me this month, he managed to get some days off from work, to visit me. And also it is my chance to ask him about that girl.

ugh, thinking about her makes my blood boil, since it's still early in the morning, I should head out for a walk, maybe I can fresh my mind.

wait a damn minute

Its freaking snowing outside! Why right now? 

Like my day wasn't getting any worse. Anyways, it is just the start of the day, I'll let it slip.

I head off to my couch, and cover myself with blankets, before that, I grab myself a cup of coffee, just to wake me up completely. I look at the side clock, 7:00 am is what it showed me. I sighed and sipped on my coffee till the cup was empty. It was still pretty early in the morning, so just to pass my time, I place some of the woods in the fire place, and light them up, crouching down to warm up my hands. But suddenly my stomach starts to growl, is there a beast inside?

I get up and head off to the kitchen to prepare my breakfast, I glance at the clock, and its 9 am already! I eat my breakfast and speed off to my office room.

Days past by but not a single call from s/o. It doesn't worry me much, but its annoying how someone can so easily play with your heart. The date is 15 December, and still no signs of him calling me or even a single text. Its night time, and I'm still swallowed in my own thoughts, no stress about work, I had taken some days off from work just for him. But guess I'll be staying alone this month as well.

I walk to my bedroom, and lay flat on my back, staring at my ceiling, thinking about if I should discontinue my leave from my work, after all there's not much point of staying home doing nothing.

Soon I fell into the beautiful world of dreams...

Next day

I get up to the sound of my alarm ringing its way to my ears till I become deaf. I had a pleasant sleep last night but a very sad dream, though I remember it in bits and small parts, so I can't really form a proper image of the dream. ugh, how annoying.

The day starts to drift slowly, and the day goes smoothly today, it wasn't as difficult as yesterday. huff.

I was sitting on my couch, with a book in my hands, covered in a warm blanket, fire place right beside my couch. It was going peaceful, until a phone call interrupted my serene time. But when I saw who was calling me angered me, and overjoyed me at the same time. Seeing his name light up on my phone's screen makes me sad somehow. I wait for sometime and the name fades away.

I didn't wanted to pick up his call, maybe it was my guts or a sixth sense kind of feeling, but I regretted not picking up his call. Soon a message pops up on the screen saying

'Hey... I wanted to talk to you about something today, can you please pick up the phone?'

Right after I read his text, his name glowed on my phone's screen again, but this time I puck up his call.

"Hey y/n..."

"Hi s/o, its been long, are you doing well?"

"Yea.. I'm doing just fine, how about you?"

"Well I'm on a little vacation-"

"Where?!!?"

"You didn't let me finish. I have some days off from work since I thought you would be visiting me around this time of the year that's how I'm on a little vacation at my home.

"Oh..."

"What's with the dull response?"

"Oh nothing, I just thought you were with someone..."

"Wha-"

"Ok anyways, I wanted to talk to you about something, so can you meet me at xxx park at 8 pm today?"

"huh? Okay sure, but are you gonna stay at my hom-"

"Okay then, I'll see you there, Bye y/n."

Call ended

Well that was weird, he barely let me finish my sentences. He's acting unusual. I'll let it slide since its been a long time, I'll just relax till its 5 pm, I'll get ready to meet him then.

Time skip

6 pm

I get up to the sound of the alarm ringing right next to my face. I stretch my arms and my legs as I hear the continuing sound of the cracking of my bones, its so satisfying to hear it. Rubbing my eyes, I get out of the couch and the territory of all the blankets that hugged my body and kept it warm. I shiver lightly as a swift wave of air passed through me whole body. I grab my phone to check the time, but I dropped it right after seeing the time displayed on the screen, and realizing that I am running late to prepare for our meeting for god knows what!

06:00 pm

That's what it read on the screen, holy shit was I late for getting ready now. I quickly run up to my closet and search for a suitable attire, but then I realize that most of my closet was filled with formal attire, talk about being a workaholic, anyways, I search for a bit more until I find a decent dress for our little meetup. I run downstairs to quickly choose something to cover my feet, after much searching, I finally completed my whole outfit with a pair of sneakers and a wristwatch.

I glance at my wristwatch, and its currently 7:15 pm, I guess I could chill a bit at home before driving off to the location. I sat down on the couch again, but a bit carefully this time, sine I don't want to have wrinkles on my clothes. I open Instagram and scroll through different posts until it was finally 7:50 pm , I get up from my place and grab my purse and the keys for both my house and the car, also grabbing a coat before leaving. I walk out the door, then locking it properly, soon heading off to my car. I put on some songs to pass my time till I finally reach the destination.

I get out of the car and take a moment to appreciate the beautiful scenery before me, there was snow everywhere, covering the trees and the plants like blankets, and casing the roads like a carpet. It was an enchanting sight, everything was flawless along with the sparkling and starry lights, I walk through the park to see more of the snowy place, it was so relaxing.

After a while of admiring and walking, my phone rings uncontrollably until I pick it up, it was s/o, he basically called a few times, but it took a little while for me to realize. He tells me to head to the main attraction of the park where there was a natural ice skating rink, it was also known as a popular place for couples in winters, I don't know how I knew about that. After searching for a while, I spot a few couples heading towards the same direction, so I follow them, guessing that maybe that rink might be located there.

Finally I reach the beautiful ice-skating place, it was alluring, it was dazzling as couples skate over the hard ice. It was so peaceful to see the pairs falling, and laughing at each other adoringly, reminding me of our own beautiful and youthful times.

Suddenly someone takes a hold of my hands, it was so warm despite the piercing cold, I look up expecting s/o's face but it was someone else's hand instead. Somewhat it didn't bother me, rather I was glad that it wasn't him, I don't know why. Its a stranger yet I seem to trust him more than me and s/o's relationship. I didn't realize I was staring at him until he spoke up.

"Am I that handsome?"

His tone was somewhat playful, and he had a smug smile on his face. I just stared at his face until I felt like answering him. Without thinking much, I answer him.

"Why are you holding my hand?"

I asked in a serious tone.

"I really don't know that myself too, I saw you standing alone staring at the couples adoringly, and I just felt like holding your hand."

He smiled playfully. His smile was bright, it somewhat comforted me.

"Thanks for coming over and holding my hand."

I reply looking straight to the couples who were skating, smiling a bit. It was a peaceful presence. I wasn't bothered by anything, it was just an adoring scene, and a comforting presence besides me, but he doesn't need to know that. I smile to myself.

He glance at me and I feel him smiling too. cute.

He suddenly spoke grabbing my attention, he was still holding my hand. I blushed. 

"Hey, sorry I didn't introduce myself, I'm Aiden." 

He said while looking at me expectantly to reply back to him. After a few moments he realized that I was blushing while looking at our connected hands, and it was at that moment when he noticed, and suddenly spoke.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, are yo-ou uncomfortable with me holding your han-nd?"

He said while stuttering and blushing like crazy too.

"It's okay, let's hold hands..."

I said nervously while looking down.

"Oh, and I'm y/n."

I speak, smiling brightly at him.

He looked over and smiled back.

"I'm glad I met you y/n."

"Wha-at?"

"Nothi-ng"

I chuckled at his sweetness, I act like I didn't hear him, but I clearly heard him. He was looking the other way, his cheeks as red as a tomato. How can a stranger be so comforting. I still don't know if he's dangerous or not, so I need to take my safety measures as well.

Suddenly, I receive a message from s/o, telling me to meet him on one specific place.

Aiden glanced at me reading the message and noticed the difference in my attitude, he frowned and asked me,

"Do you have somewhere to be?"

I look up to him, and nod looking down at the snow covering the floor beneath my feet.

"It's okay! I was heading towards my mom's anyways, I stopped by at this park to see the snow, but something more beautiful made me stay."

He said the last sentence looking at me in the eyes, making my heart pounding like crazy.

I suddenly bring out my phone and ask him to do the same.

He looked at me muddled, but he still did it anyways.

I took his phone in my hands and secretly saved my number there. I hand him back his phone and he still looked befuddled. I chuckled and said,

"You'll know afterwards."

With that I finally let go of his hands and bid my goodbye to Aiden. He smiled and reflected the same.

Aiden's POV

I look at my phone's screen and notice that she saved her phone number in my contacts list. I smiled to myself knowing that I've met a very beautiful angel today, and I am determined to chase after her.

I glance at my hands, and twinkle.

"Her hands are so soft."

With that, I left to my mom's beaming like crazy.

Y/N's POV

I went to the decided place, and saw his face, sitting down on a bench, scrolling through social media. I silently walk up to him, but the snow crunching under my feet made him more than aware of my presence. He looks up to our eyes connecting, 'oh how beautiful his ocean blue eyes were, but it had a hint of guilty in it. I frown heeding the guilty.

I sit down next to him, staring at him blankly, expecting him to start speaking. He takes a notice about this, and starts speaking.

"Hey..um thank you for coming here today, and sorry for about what you're going to hear."

He looks at me pity. I felt my heart skip a beat, what is this feeling...?its fearful.

I frown and gesture him to continue, even though I don't want him to, but I want to hear the truth more.

"I have found someone more special, who makes me feel special, who brings the best out of me and someone who made love so easy and ethereal.. I know its been long since we met and I know that its my fault but in that time I found someone unique, and I'm certain that she has my heart now. I think we should breaku-"

"Please don't say it, I already know it.." 

I manage to say between the warm tears falling down my cheeks, and my light sobbing. It felt so difficult to breathe right now, I felt so lonely. He looks at me with pity then soon turns his head away to face the other side, which broke my heart even more. He got up but then I grabbed his hand, and got up. I wanted to say some last few words to him before he walks away.

"Before you go... can I have a one last hug?" 

I ask him tears making my eyes blurry and arms spread expecting him to hug him back. He looks sadly into my eyes and nod looking down and embraces me with his warm body, I never wanted to leave this position, it felt so solacing in his arms. I cry hard now, letting all my emotions out on his chest. He slowly plays with my hair and one arm making patterns on my back to calm me down.

I slowly separate myself from his body and smile at him sadly bidding my last goodbyes to him and walking away sobbing, not caring if someone saw me or not, I just kept on walking.

I soon reached my car, I took out my keys, but before starting the car, I turn back to look at the beautiful scenery that stood before me, sadly it was this place which gave me the biggest scars. 'Would they ever heal?' was my biggest question. Without any further thoughts and get in the car, and drive to my house. I unlock my house, and get inside, hanging my coat and the purse on the coat hanger stand, removing my shoes and wristwatch before laying on the couch, face on the pillow crying my heart out. 'It hurts so bad.'

Crying so hard makes me have a stuffy nose, making it difficult to breathe through my nose. After a few more moments of crying, I close my eyes and fall into deep slumber on the couch.

It was snowing, but for the first time it felt this cold.