You Only Live Once

I woke up to my phone's alarm going off, my head throbbing as yesterday's events filled my head. A frown escaped me as I looked around the messy room. I got up from the couch, my hair a mess and my clothes drenched in sweat. I made myself some coffee as I thought it over.

Yesterday was like any other day I lived, well to be precise, existed. Waking up to the numerous alarms I set previously, debating on what to wear to work, updating on the latest news as I reached my office. I returned the greeting and smile that Chris gave me, like any other day. I looked through my schedule and checked out only when I had completed everything on my agenda. After work I dropped by Leanne's café before heading home. It had a small collection of books you could read while enjoying drinks and snacks. Leanne found my taste in books peculiar and we often had long conversations regarding this. My apartment was nearby, so I walked the rest of the way, gazing at the sky, counting the few stars that were visible as the cool night air blew past me.

I had been listening to music, when Jeanette dropped by. She is my friend as well as my doctor. When I was getting her water I noticed her gloomy mood. Out of concern, I asked her what was wrong. Her eyebrows furrowed as she smiled awkwardly, shaking her head, tearing up. I consoled her wondering what was bothering her. On my asking again, she looked at me, mouthing a sorry, avoiding my eyes. She rummaged through her bag and handed me my monthly checkup report, continuously mouthing sorry through the process. After she left, I looked into the reports, which left me in utter shock. Somehow, I ended up falling asleep on the couch, as I looked at the ceiling, trying to get over the shock.

As I stirred my coffee, I recalled what had happened earlier this month. I was in my office, still left to do a report. Chris had advised me to leave it for the next day, but I insisted to finish it. The next thing I remember, I was laying on a hospital bed, with Jeanette giving me a worrisome look. Turned out I had fainted from overworking. It was true that I was more busy than usual over the last few days, as the number of reports coming in not getting any lesser. On Jenny's insisting, I had taken the week off to recuperate and agreed to get my checkup done earlier this month. Last night I received the checkup report. When I saw first it I laughed in disbelief, but as the truth hit me I ended up crying myself to sleep. It said that I was showing minor symptoms of Retrograde amnesia*** .

***Retrograde amnesia (RA) is a loss of memory-access to events that occurred or information that was learned in the past. It is caused by an injury or the onset of a disease.***

I put Jenny on the speaker as I kept the coffee cup down. She picked up the phone, I understood because the ringing had stopped. She didn't say hello, neither did I. Jenny sighed bitterly, as I asked, "How?" my voice breaking in the middle. Her voice shook as she said, "Do you remember the Clarke incident? I told you…. I kept telling you after the accident to go through a full checkup. You didn't listen…You only got the physical one done." I could see Jenny shaking her head, as if she was in front of me. "This time, you fell asleep in the middle of the process, so I took the opportunity to put you through the scan. See… now what? What are you gonna do huh Amelia? Just what are you gonna do? You're report tells that you're in red zone after a month! A month…" I could hear her sniffing, as she hung up. I sat in my recliner, sighing deeply, as I thought. What did I think? My head was a mess, chaos was the clarity.

Every time you want to do something, people say that you can just do it later, after settling down. I had used this excuse way too long. All my friends' numbers were saved in my phone, but I never took out a minute to talk with them, my excuse being I was an introvert. I had a journal, with all of my dream vacations planned out, just making the booking would complete the process, but I hadn't even gone on one, my excuse being I was busy. All those times Jenny had called me, music pounding in the background, asking me to party, I refused, my excuse – I didn't like parties. All those photos I clicked and edited, ready to be posted, that I didn't post, my excuse being, I didn't like showing my private life. The movies list in my phone always grows, never one has been ticked off, my excuse being, I'll just watch them later.

There was so much I wanted to do, and so little that I had done. Now, knowing that my memories were on line and that there is a fat chance I won't remember any of this, I wanted to live for the first time, instead of existing. I wanted to do all that I couldn't as a gift to myself. I was sad, I was upset, but the desire to live ignited that courage and reason to live, and not exist, till the days I remember. I didn't want to regret something that I didn't get to do.

I decided to live the next month to the fullest. The next morning, I woke up with a smile for a change, even though it was a Monday. It had been months since I had taken days off. I texted all my school and college friends and when I was done I felt so good. None of them was angry I hadn't contacted them; they were happy to hear from me and wanted to meet up. My schedule was full of meet ups with my friends. I went to Starbucks, and ordered something, instead of dreaming of a Frappuccino standing outside the shop window. I went shopping and bought everything on my shopping list, even the little black dress that I had a secret desire for. I met up with all my friends, and we talked our hearts out for hours. I went to parties with them, out till three, dancing my legs off. I went to eat at a fancy restaurant, for no such fancy reason. I smiled all day every day, beaming inside out. Jenny was taken aback that I was enjoying life for the first time. She said, "See you never did it, but you're so good at it" as she smiled. I even sat to write, (a hobby of mine, developed to impress my school crush), brainstorming ideas and posting new chapters every night.

The month was almost up. I was staring at the pictures of the last few weeks that I had posted on my Instagram. I sat there in the same couch, where I had pulled an all nighter, crying. I had lived more in these past weeks, than all the years before. I wondered why I hadn't done these things before. I was stretching my arms, when I saw an incoming call form Jenny. "Hey you free Amy? You must be. I'll text you the place, dress up and come, big party tonight." I had nothing to lose, so I was bold and wore the small black dress, with sequins all over.

When I reached there, it was a black out. Just I was wondering if I was late, the lights turned on and I saw all my friends there, Jenny walking towards me with two glasses of champagne. She handed me one, took a mike and said, "All folks, this is Amelia, yes the same bookworm, who stayed indoors during recess and read philosophy books. She has never enjoyed her life more than now. And do you know why? I, yes me, I had to do this, to bring out the liveliness in her." I was confused, as Jenny looked at me, and said, "Amy, the report, it was another person's, her name is also Amelia. I got the reports mixed up, I did that by mistake, very wrong of me, I know. But look, look at you! You're dazzling! You my friend have finally learnt the meaning of living. Well I can just say sorry now, since I found this out two weeks back. But I just couldn't tell you the truth, I mean I saw you enjoy yourself for the first time, and I didn't want to ruin that. Well anything to comment Amy?" "Why did you tell me now then?" "Because look, I understood that you have finally known what you didn't and learnt to live life. I know that you see the world in a different light now, you see yourself as the same Amy though, just that this Amy knows how to live."

I slapped Jenny hard on her back she deserved it, before I embraced her, and I embraced the truth. I was angry, but it didn't last long, after all, she taught me how to live. All the others ran to embrace us. That night we partied till the manager kicked us out. Now I do live my old life, but with a little bit of life in it.

We become so busy existing, sometimes, we forget how to live. Life is a journey. It never was about getting to the finish line, because there is nothing after. All along it was enjoying the little things on the way and living it to the fullest before it ends. Life is uncertain and anything can happen, anytime. So live your life as if there's no tomorrow, do everything you want to do, and don't regret it later.

This is my first story so please excuse my clumsiness. :)