What Is Self Care?

What is self-care?

As women, we give all of ourselves, to our children, to our spouses, to family and friends, and to our work. That is our nature, we take care of people even at our own expense.

We will give it all until there is nothing left until we don't even know or like who we are. We were taught we are the strong ones, that this is what we are supposed to do, without complaints. We are everything to everyone, but what about us? What's left for us? 

I never forgot my ah-ha moment when I was watching Oprah and she said the reason every time you get on an airplane and the flight attendant says if anything happens put on your mask first before helping your loved ones or children. There is a reason we must give to ourselves first because if we don't we may not have anything left over to help anyone else.

As a woman I remember thinking I can't do that, take time out for me? What would everyone do? But I was also running on empty, I hated myself and my life, I was stuck in this verbally abusive marriage and I was dying inside.

So I decided to try, I decided to take 20 minutes a day to meditate. I even remembered putting a note on my bedroom door that said, "Do not come in here unless the house is on fire!"

At first, everyone tried me, saying mom I need this, she's bothering me or my ex saying what is this shit? We got work to do. But I stood my ground and said I need these 20 minutes for me, the world would not fall apart for all of you in 20 minutes.

After a few months of fighting for a lousy 20 minutes, they got the message. I later raised it to 30 minutes. Let me tell you how wonderful those 30 minutes were… I can't because they were so amazing. I would put on my mediation tape and listen on my headset and put a black mask on my eyes and I would envision the life I wanted, I would let go of the hurt and pain I was in every day. I would lose the stress of being a mommy, wife, and everything with the business. 

Those 30 minutes were glorious and they were mine like that old TV commercial Calgon, take me away. These 30 minutes took me away to a place of peace, a place of calm that I needed to get through yet another day.

As time passed I decided to start yoga and go to a class. It started 3 times a week but I was hooked and did it 5 days a week. Yoga was for my body and my mind. It made me stronger as I learned more moves that I didn't think I could do before and for me that extra 15 minutes at the end meditating was an added bonus.

I started reading self-help books and then going to seminars. And let me tell you what a shit storm I got from the whole family because I was talking away from "their" time because I was no longer on call 24/7 because I was actually finding time for myself. It was like "Hey, hey we gave you your 20 minutes but now you're going too far"

I was not going to stop even when my ex-husband kept asking what's with you and all this "woo woo stuff" He would say it doesn't help, and of course his favorite saying leopards can't change their spots. He would get the girls to make mean comments about it and they would all laugh together at me. It didn't matter I was not stopping, say all you want, still not working. After a year or so they finally gave up but of course, they would still have an occasional snarkie comment but at that point, I didn't care.

I found myself slowly changing, between the mediation, the yoga, and the books. I was finding myself again. I realized I was more than a wife, an ass wiper, and someone's slave to cook and clean and pick up dirty underwear off the floor. I was finding this person who I was before, someone who had her own wants and needs, who had a real-life before I so freely gave it over to all of this.

I started leaving post it's noted on my mirror with quotes like "You can do this" "I love you" "Don't give up" 

I also started writing a gratitude journal even if I couldn't find much to be grateful for since I was so miserable, I tried to find one or two things a day. One day at a time things changed, and I changed.

So today my friends I am telling you that we all need some self-help, some self-care in our lives.  

All of this self-help, and self-care changed my life and changed me and it can change you as well.

Start small, trust me the world will explode without you in your family's life for 30 minutes or an hour but you need this, whatever it may be. Try a facial, or massage, exercise class, meditation, an art class, or even Friday nights with your friends, with wine and without kids. Whatever it is, take that time for your own self-care, you will be a better person for it.

And remember you can't help others put on their mask if you have no energy to put on your own.

"Be the change you want to see"