What Is Killing Our Own Self

What is killing our own self? Is it our anger, anxiety, fear, loneliness? YES, All these things make you insane in a critical situation. Why I’m sharing these things because this type of situation has happened to me. As compared to my past background I never felt insane in a critical situation. What happens to me now? I am not able to understand.

Let me tell you a story which happened on 1st May 2019. I and giraffe were planning for panda’s birthday, where to celebrate and when to celebrate. So finally, giraffe told me that we are going to celebrate her birthday at Ishwariya Park. We call panda in a conference that you have to wear one piece but she denied, after much argument she finally said yes. And I also told that I’m also going to wear one piece. Then the execution day came, we went there and took the snap, enjoying every moment. My phone was with a giraffe. But what happened, giraffe told me that on phone before going to Ishwariya Park, cakes are not allowed to bring in Ishwariya Park. So he gave the 

alternate idea that was after enjoying at the park then we will move to the reliance mall for the cake cutting. I said ok.

After enjoying we went out of the park at 7:30. A Giraffe was driving the bike and on the backseat of a bike, panda was sitting. I reached reliance mall early and I was waiting up to 20 minutes but they hadn’t reached. I got scared that what happened to them. 

I was thinking at that moment about how to contact them. 1st option:- I should ask someone’s mobile, in that mobile sign-in to my Gmail account and go to my contact details. Getting panda’s or giraffe’s mobile number.

Option 1st I rejected because of no time. About the 2nd option is like similar to 1st option but some changes that I should send messages from other's 

Instagram ID. I also rejected the second option. I don’t know why?

Then I stopped thinking about all the things. I’m getting more emotional. I was feeling that I was lost in some other world. Everybody is unknown to me. 

What to do and what not to do? A lot of anger on them. I was feeling like I’m a kid who was lost in this world. (a weird type of feeling which I’m not able to describe) I just waited like hell and I was praying to Murugan that please help me. Even I forgot my home route for sometimes. So, I decided to go back to that area where we got separated but I was not able to find them.

Again I went to reliance mall, I was searching for them, still, I was not able to find them. I didn’t have my phone, how to contact them. So I finally decided to go back home. While my vehicle was at the parking area, that time one man came with his bike, his friends told him that fastly do the parking. What he told to his friends that “aa masi gaadi baar nikkade che, nikaad va de aa masi ne” I got so angry but I didn’t show to him. I started driving my vehicle, after crossing an area I found one watchman I asked him to give his phone to me for calling my friends, then he gave me his phone. I called them on my mobile number. They picked up the phone, I shouted on them, come to reliance mall and stand near the entrance gate. And I thanked the watchman, beside the watchman one man was standing, asking me whether everything is 

alright. I said yeah everything is alright.

So, again I reached to reliance mall at 8:30 while parking my vehicle. I saw them, I run towards them then I slapped panda very hard. It was insane that I cried at that place, I hit giraffe two to four times. Shouting on them, where were both of you. They were diverting from anxiety. They were trying to make me laugh. Then finally I adjusted with the situation. They told that we were searching for you only. I said that both of you are idiots, you were telling me that we have to come here. They were searching for me at crystal mall and other some places. They thought I don’t know the areas to reach there. I said you are insane, how can I not know this place. I have come here several times.

They said don’t cry. Then as per planning I, giraffe and panda went inside the mall but there was another problem that we were not able to make an order of cake from the mall because of a server error. And panda was in a hurry that I want to go home for her sister’s anniversary celebration. So finally decided to go back home.

For these silly things, I cried there. And how I was stupid that I haven’t ask phone at that place. Because of anger, anxiety, the loneliness I am not able to think properly. The same thing happens with them also, they forgot to search me at reliance mall first then other places.

But how stupid I was that I knew my phone number but why I didn’t call them. While thinking about other alternatives, why I didn’t have that idea first. As a human, there is always rule that if it is your fault then also we blame others. In that I will be going to blame this technology, it makes human brain stupid, without phone we would have a capacity of storing phone number in many ways like writing in small diaries or remembering.

Is it that I becoming more sensitive or emotional, fear of losing others. I’m not able to recognize. Is it like that if someone is not there with you in a critical situation or you feel that no one is there for you? Why these things are hurting me, I’m not able to understand.

I have faced so many critical situations in my past never happened in this way. It was double or triple then this. I was handling my difficult situation in a very easy manner.

Anger makes man useless, brainless and characterless. It will make you forget everything. In every critical situation, it makes you panic.

We also saw this type of situation in a movie that when the villain wants to kill the hero he will kill mentally, likewise killing his family member. 

Giving him mental pain. So in that way, he will not offend him and also not able to think his next move. 

In any situation be calm so may you find a way to solve your problems.